It's been half a year since I last blogged. Finally finished my final sem exams..think i did very badly.. Just hoping that I will get a pass grade and nothing much.. I tried my best already..Tried very hard to concentrate for this final sem exams but somehow wasn't as productive as before my op.. Guess because I am still on medication daily...haiz..although finish exams le but feeling sad cos didn't do well and fear that I would fail the papers. I really pray and hope not..
This half a year I had experienced alot more things, changes around me and in me. Happy memories, sad memories and all sorts of memories..I am really glad that I am able to handle them and still hanging on.. It's been really a tough 6 months for me.. I am grateful that I had the Dharma, my family, cousins, relatives, friends and colleagues, all with me supporting and guiding me through all the different situations that I had experience.
Here are some of the things that had happened to me and around me:
1) Back Condition
The condition of my back pain is still bothering me but I would say that there are some improvements after the few more minor procedures that I had done from Feb op till now. Can't really remember how many times I went into the operating theatre this year (but probably 6 times?!) hmmm.. that seems too often.. but glad that there are improvements. I do still pain but the pain is under control most of the times except when I feel too stress or worked too hard..=) I am really grateful that both my doctors are very good and am glad that my pain is in control under their care.. Thanks alot for that! =) I am now currently still on follow up and I doubt I will be discharge from follow-up any time soon..Shall just be patience and slowing strengthen my back muscles and hope that it will help.. Now that exams are over, I can have abit more time to rest.. so that is good for me..=D
2) Work
Work is still so far so good except that sometimes will be frustrated due to too many work to be completed plus having back pain. But I am glad that my colleagues and bosses are all very understanding and told me not to worry so much and do things at my own comfortable pace. One of my colleagues always tells me this: " Work will nv be completed, if work can be completed, then you will have to worry as that means the company does need you anymore.." I agree with her, if one day you complete your work and find that there is nothing more for you to help around the office, then you have to be careful le..hahaha..hope I didn't scare anyone reading my blog with that sentence. Overall, I still enjoy working in my current bank and I love my colleagues..Thanks colleagues for being so understanding to me! I am really grateful for tha!=D
3) Relationship
Just broke up with Shaun 7 weeks ago. We knew each other since I was 16 years old and only finally got together last Nov..We were together for abt 10 months and broke up after that. If I say that I am not sad and feeling perfectly fine, then I will be lying.. Still feeling sad and heartbroken, everytime I walked past those places we have been to, I will think of him. I really misses him alot.
Shaun, if you are reading my blog, I would like to say that A BIG THANK U to you for all the good memories that we had together. This will forever be kept and locked in a corner of my heart. I know it has been hard for you to accept that so many things are happening to me. I accept your request to break up not because I have stopped loving you, it is because I love you alot and wanted you to be happy. If being together with me doesn't brings you much happiness or make you happy, then I would rather we break up as I want you to be happy.. I really hope that one day we can be back to how we were before we got together, that kind of friendship is really hard to come and I really do not wish to lose that. Maybe you needed some time to cool off before you can continue to be my friend. I will wait for that day to come. All I asked for is that one day we will be back as friends like how we were before we got together. Don't worry, I will not ask for your love for me anymore as I know that I can't give you that kind of happiness that you are looking for. I just hoped that you had really once loved me and that all the things that you have told me when we were together were true. I am sorry if you had felt that I have neglected due to things that are happening to me and around me. But I just want you to know that there are just some things that are not within my control.. nobody wanted all that unfortunate incidents to happen, I didn't have a choice to it.. If I have a choice, I would nv want those unfortunate incidents to happen. Think I shouldn't be saying so much abt this now, cos it's no point anymore. I just wished and hoped that you and your family will stay happy and healthy always.. And thanks for all the support and memories you have given me. I am grateful for having you by my side for that 10 months. Thank you friend. I will wait for the day when you are ready to meet up and be friends with me again. I will wait for your SMS..=D
4) Family matters
Things at home wasn't that good but I know that it will gradually get better as times goes by. My mum fell on 31 May and broke her ankle suffering from severe ankle fracture which requires surgery. She now has two metal rods and six screws in her leg. Good thing is that she is recovering well from that surgery and is now back to work. =)
Next thing that happened and impacted my life is that my grandma was diagnosed with last stage of lungs cancer on 8 Sept 2011. The doctor told us at that time that she is left with 3 to 6 months of life span. This is really difficult for me to take it and accept it as I nv had thought that this would have happened to my dearest Grandma. Initially, it was really difficult for me to accept it as I would nv have thought that she is going to end up spending her last few months in pain and suffering. I know and understand that all ppl have to die at one point in time and no exception for my loved ones. I was brought up by my mum and grandma and I am very attached to both my mum and grandma. So when I heard that grandma is diagnosed with last stage of lungs cancer, I really broke down.. I told myself that I must remain calm so that I could support my dad, mum and younger sis but I really can't stop my tears.. The thought of her going to leave this world makes me feel sad. But I told myself that I have to be prepared for that so that I will be able to support my family and go through this together. I am now feeling better and are spending as much time with her as possible. This is because that is the only thing i can do for her now. She watched me grow up, taught me well and loved me so much. This is the time I give her the best that I can afford and that is to spend more time with her. I hoped and pray that she will not be in pain when she pass on. Grandma, I would like to say, thank you for bring me up and for loving your children and grandchildren so much. Thanks for all that you have contributed to the family. And lastly, I really love u so much. Our whole family loves you so much!!
Few days after I know of my grandma's medical condition, I received news that one of my cousin met with an accident in Thailand and had passed away. This was really a very great blow to me as I am still struggling to accept the fact that my grandma is diagnosed with last stage cancer. I really broke down when I heard of that news. He is such a young and handsome guy and had a bright future ahead and he is gone just like that. And the day he passed on happened to be a day before his birthday, so this is even more saddening. I really can't believe that he has gone to a better place just like that. I tried to control my emotions so as not to aggrievate my back condition but I really can't control my tears and emotions. This is really too much for me to take it. My heart is aching so much. Few days before he passed on, I was still talking to another cousin about him and few days later he is gone. Each time I think of him, my heart will ache and I will feel sad.. Really hope time will make me feel better. Bro, I miss u so much and I hope that you are resting in peace in a better place now. You will always be in our memories. Thanks for care and concern you have shown to me. We love you and may you rest in peace in a better place now.
I would also like to wish that all my family members, mum, dad, sis, bro, sis-in-laws, aunties, uncles and cousins will get over this as time goes by.. May all of us be well, happy, healthy and peaceful.
After so many things that had happened to me and around me, I felt that I have grown up and I am stronger and able to handle my own emotions better. I understand that we must always cherish our loved ones and everyone around us before it's too late. Always show care, concern and be good to our loved ones and everyone around us so that we will not regret.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mike for being there for me all the time when I am feeling troubled, sad and happy. Thanks for always being there for me when I needed someone the most. Thanks for always being the first to reach out to me when I needed someone. For all that you have done, I know that you are really a true friend to me who will always be there for me during good and bad times..Thanks alot Mike!! Without u supporting and listening to me, I would not have been able to stay strong till now. =D
I would also like to thank mum, dad, sis, bro, sis-in-law, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends colleagues and all that who had helped and supported me during my toughest 6 months. Thank you!! (",)
It's getting very late now, I have to go and sleep now as I will be going back to work today..=)
Will come in to update my blog again when I am free. =D