28 feb 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Read my blog and it been a long time since i blogged. Been wanting to blog but do not have the time to do so or rather do not have the energy to do so. It will take me a super long time to blog on my eventful two months from the day I was admitted to Parkway east hospital for my spine operation.. My family came during the evening and stayed for some time before leaving for dinner. Thanks Mama, cynthia, brother, sis-in-law and dad for coming down to see me almost everyday! Thanks for caring so much for me and for supporting my decisions and also for being there for me throughout. 27 Feb 2011 The physiotherapist came early in the morning to test if I could walk properly, brought me to the stairs and corridor to walk and was satisfied that I am good to go. I was finally able to discharge. Waited for my doctor to review and discharge me. He came at around 10am, told him that I was still feeling pain but was much better so he allowed me to go back home to rest. He showed me the X-ray he had taken during the procedure he did on 24 Feb and 25 Feb and told me that they were very shock to see my x-ray as they discovered that my SI joint is 90 degrees instead of the normal curve that normal ppl had. I was shocked to hear that too. He asked if I had any other fall besides the stairs incident. Then I recalled I fell from the bike once when dad sent me to work. I told him abt it and he was very sure that the fall from the bike is the cause of my SI joint being 90 degrees. Dad was there when I told my doctor abt it. Dad was abit shock too and he started to feel worried and looked abit guilty. I didn't purposely made him feel that way but i need to inform my doctor so that he could fill the insurance claim form for me. My doctor told me not to worry abt the 90 degrees problem and said that it will probably only affect my child birth in the sense that I won't be able to have natural birth. But I was still able to give birth to kids. So nothing much to worry. After dad and mum talked to my doctor and everything was settled, I went to the cashier to settle my payment. The total bills for the 7 days came up to be $55,716/=.. I went up to collect my things and discharge summary, etc and left at 11 plus. Was glad that I was finally able to discharge but was still feeling pain and was still very very tired. This is part 1 of my eventful two months. I shall continue with part 2, 3 and maybe 4, 5 when I am feeling better.. need to go for a rest now. abit tired and feeling pain already. Dear, I hope u will continue to be there to support and encourage me.. I promise that I will try my best to get better for our future..Give me ur support..k? Sorry to not be able to go shopping with u for this two months.. Thanks for being so understanding and loving me even though I am so troublesome.. Thanks dear, Love u lots! =)
One day after I was discharge from PEH and 1 week after spine surgery.. I was left alone at home till ard 4plus when my mum finishes work.. Still feeling very drowsy and a lot of pain..can't remember how the pain is like, so unable to describe.. Only remembered that is pain at the whole of the lower back and left leg pain.. And legs were very weak..Didn't get out of bed much.. Only got out of bed to settle some things for school.. Was lying down while using my laptop.. Feeling was terrible.. So painful but still have to settle my school's deferment issue.. Felt totally like a handicapped person, breakfast was prepared by mum before she left for work and was also placed just beside my bed.. Only time when I am up sitting and walking was when I need to use the toilet or take food/medicines.. Other than that I will be lying on bed..
1 Mar 2011
The 9th day after operation.. Same routine for me.. Still lying on bed most of the time.. Cos still feeling pain, numbness and weakness like previous day.. Except that mum brought me to walk for awhile.. Other than that, nothing much that is different.. School's issue not settled yet.. Still waiting for responses..
2 Mar 2011
10th day after surgery.. Morning was as usual for me.. Breakfast from mum, etc... Today is the day to go for follow up with my spine doctor and pain doctor.. Dear took time off to send me to mount elizabeth hospital for my spine doctor's appt at 2.50pm.. Dear went into consultation room with me but didn't dare to look at my scar..finished consultation with my spine doctor at 3.15pm.. Made another appt to remove my stitches on 7 mar.. Received a call from my pain doctor's clinic that my appt have to be moved to 4plus or 5pm as my doctor is stucked in an operation due to some issues arising during that operation.. Have no choice but to wait.. So dear drove me to fetch mum at bishan and we had lunch at delifrance before heading back to mount elizabeth hospital to see my pain doctor.. We were just nice when we reached the clinic.. My doctor just came back.. By the the time we saw him was 4.30pm already.. Told him that I was still in pain and he reviewed my medications and made some changes to the medications I am taking.. At first dear was with me and mum in the consultation room.. But later went out to answer a call and waited outside for us.. Talked quite a lot with my doctor till ard 6plus.. Didn't check the time.. Only realised that we talked for so long after we came out from the consultation room.. Felt so bad as dear waited outside for us for a long time and he still needs to return car and get back to work...in the end dear was late for work and worked till 11plus..so heartache to see him so tired.. Sorry dear.. But was happy that dear took time off to accompany me to see doctor and also waited so long for me outside the consultation room without complaining even though he will be late when he returns to work.. Thanks a lot dear for being so caring.. Love u for all that u r doing for me.. For all ur understanding, care and concern.. Thanks mum too for accompanying me..:D reached home at 7plus and was very tired already.. Slept almost immediately after taking medications and dinner..:)
3 March 2011
11th day after surgery.. It was my sister's birthday.. Wasn't able to buy anything for her so gave her $50 as present to her..school still have not replied abt my application to defer.. Therefore nothing much to do.. So morning was still as usual but with increasing pain and weakness.. When mum came back, she bought a strawberry shortcake for cynthia's birthday.. But she accidentally dropped the cake when she just step into the house as her hands were feeling pain.. In the end the cake was smashed.. Told mum that we should get a new cake for cynthia as it was her 18th birthday.. :) so mum went all the way to west coast to buy a new similar cake..mum brought me to walk before she went to buy the cake and my legs were very weak and I gave way suddenly, falling towards the front and with the knees down.. I was lucky that it wasn't my back the was down.. After mum got the cake back, we celebrated for cynthia and after that I went to bed as I was feeling pain and weak.. At the same time very sad as I can't believe that I will be so weak that my legs gave way too.. :( can tell that mum is very guilty for my fall but I reassured her that i am fine though deep in me, I was also very scare that the fall will effect my implants and my spine.. But I didn't tell her as I dun want her to worry so much abt me.. :( felt so useless and that I am a big burden to everyone..:(
4 march 2011
12th day after surgery.. woke up in the morning feeling more pain due to the fall.. Started to feel scare but pain subsided abit after taking painkillers.. Used my com to watch dramas as I wasn't able to get out of bed to walk.. Waited till mum to be back, had dinner, medicine and sleep again..
5 march 2011
13th day after surgery.. Was still feeling a lot of pain and tightness at my back as well as my left leg..nothing seems to be able to relieve the pain and tightness.. Went down for a walk with mum even though there was pain as I can't keep lying on the bed.. My leg still feels very weak..can't remember wat else I did besides going down for a short walk and sleep.. All the medications are making me very drowsy and tired..
6 march 2011
14th day after surgery.. Feeling quite a lot of pain still but it was grandma's birthday so went to her house to celebrate her birthday for her.. Took a walking stick with me as I had a fall previously and was very afraid that I will fall again as my legs were still very weak.. When I entered grandma's house, all my aunties and uncles were shock as I was with walking stick and all started to ask abt my condition.. Repeated the whole story to them.. Didn't go for long as I wasn't feeling too well.. So went home after abt 1 to 2hours.. When I reached home, I was feeling pain and tired.. I took my medications and sleep again.. :(
7 March 2011
15th day after surgery.. Today is the day to remove my stitches.. As usual, I was alone at home in the morning.. The pain at my back is slowly getting better but the pain down my left leg is not improving at all.. The tightness is also not improving much.. Went to see my spine surgeon with my mum in the afternoon to remove the stitches.. At first I was so scare that it will hurt a lot to remove the stitches... But it was only like a small sting and the stitches were out in less than a minute.. Told my doctor that I had a fall on 3mar.. His reaction was super big.. But after examining my wound, he was more relieve.. He told me to be extra careful and not fall anymore.. And I told him that I will try.. He taught me some physio exercises and wrote a letter for me to see my physiotherapist.. We left his clinic at 4plus and took a cab back..
8 march to 10 march
16th to 18th day after surgery.. Nothing much happened.. It was just as usual, woke up in the morning took my breakfast that mum prepared for me, rested after taking the medications and waited for mum to bring lunch back to me.. After that mum would bring me for a walk.. Pain wasn't getting any better..so I called my pain doctor on 10march to ask him wat I should do..told him that I fell that day and his reaction was also the same as how my spine surgeon had reacted.. Told him that my pain is not getting better and he advised that I go to AH to see him the next day.. Was told to go for blood test in the morning first and to see him in the afternoon..
11 march 2011
Went to AH early in the morning for my blood test and went home after that to rest then went to see my pain doctor in the afternoon at ard 1.45pm.. Didn't have to wait for long as I was seen as a walk in patient and was my doctor's first case.. Told him that I am still feeling a lot of pain at my left leg as well as pain and tightness at my back.. He examined my back to make sure that the implants are still in place and to identify the painful areas of my back.. He suggested two things that I could try.. 1 is to go for 3 alternate days of calcitonin injection at the day ward to see if my nerves will be less sensitive and eventually cause me lesser pain.. 2 is to be warded for 7days to infuse ketamine for 24 hours for 7days.. I rejected the idea of admitting for 7days at that time as I have some things to settle for the deferment of my school..so I went for the 1st suggestions.. I was sent to ward 1 after that for the calcitonin injection..it felt so terrible thoughout the whole process.. Felt giddy, nausea and pain.. The whole process was just so terrible..i vomitted for 2times at ward 1 right after the injection was given to me.. My doctor came to review after that I told him that I didn't want to continue for the other 2days as I felt so terrible.. He was good and gave me a choice.. He knows that I am feeling very terrible and did not force me to continue with the other 2days of treatment.. Can see that both my doctor, the nurses and my mum were very worried for me.. I felt so terrible that I cried as I really did not understand y I should be going through all this pain.. :( I was really feeling very down and upset..but had to stay as calm as I could so that mum would not be too worried for me..:( but deep inside me, I was so scared, worried and sad and there was no one whom I can really talk to.. I was just very afraid that everyone will find me very troublesome and not bother abt me soon.. That is why I kept everything to myself and tried to show that I am calm.. But I am really not ok..:(
This is part 2 of my eventful two months.. I shall continue to blog on the part 3, 4, 5 and maybe more soon..
Each time I was suggested by my doctor with a new treatment to reduce my pain, I will have a lot of worries and fear in me.. I would fear that during the treatment/ procedure, i will feel more terrible..and fear that my pain will not reduce.. I will be worried too as I dun really know how I should explain to my family, friends and dear why I am going for this treatment/procedure when I had already undergone a surgery.. Many times I do not know how I should tell them the pain that I am having/going through and do not know if they really understand my pain.. I just hoped that they will support me all the way and support my decision and not question so much as I know wat I am doing and I am doing all the treatment/ procedure as I am still feeling the pain and I really hope that by going ahead with the treatment/ procedure that my doctor has suggested, I will feel better.. I have full confident that wat my doctor has suggested is for my good and not to harm me.. Really thankful that they had given me the support that I needed so far and I really hope that my family, friends and dear will continue to support me and not give up on me while I am now still moving very slowly on my road to recovery.. :)
My biggest fear now is fear of being a burden to anyone.. Be it a burden to my dear, my family, my friends or my colleagues.. I just can't help thinking that way as I am indeed very troublesome to everyone now.. I can't work for long, can't go out for long, can't walk for long, can't sit for long and keeps feeling pain which I dunno how long this will continue.. I really really hope that all of u will not give up on me now and will be there to support me.. I will get better only with the support from everyone.. Just need a little concern and encouragement from all of u everyday so that I could better overcome my pain each day and continue with physiotherapy.. So that I will get better soon..
Once again, I would like to thanks my family, friends, bosses and colleagues for supporting me, especially my mum, sis, bro, sis-in-law and dear..
To Dear:
Dear, I am sorry for not being able to go out/ go shopping/ spend much time with u for the last two months.. I know that u do at times feel lonely and sian.. I hope u would continue to support me and not give up on me yet.. I am already trying my very best to get better soon and this really takes time and a lot of effort for me to do so.. I know it has been a hard period for u and me for this two months.. But promise me that u will stand by me and not leave/ give up on me.. K? I really can't imagine how I will be able to continue improving and get better without u by my side as I am really loving u so much.. Hope that u can be there for me during this hardest period of my life and also for the rest of my life..thanks a lot for being so understanding and supportive so far.. Thanks for being by my side all this while to support me and walk my most difficult times together with me.. Pls continue to be there for me, k? I know that you have been very busy with your assignments and work recently and I do not want to stress you for anything.. Just want you to know that everytime I receive ur msg with words of encouragement to me, it will really brighten up my day alot..I will really try my best to get better soon..I know I am very troublesome now but please bear with me awhile more..k? Give me a chance to slowly recover so that eventually we can have a better future together..k? =p Thanks for being so understanding towards me and sorry dear for being so troublesome! loving u lots dear!:D
To Clare:
Thanks for always talking and lending me a listening ear almost everyday even though we only know each other for less than a month during our recent hospital stay at AH.. :D
To Mike:
Thanks for the encouragement you have given me all the way from the start till now. You must also Jiayou and not give up so easily..k? I will always remember all that you have done for me as a friend. Thanks alot! =D
:: THE EVENTFUL TWO MONTHS ::
It all started on 21 Feb 2011...
I got up early in the morning at 6.30am and travel to parkway east hospital with my friend to admit myself for my spine surgery at 2pm.. Reached PEH at 8am and after registering at the counter, I was brought up to level 2 for a blood test and after that I was brought to the bed and ward which I will be warded for a few days. As it was still early, I played monopoly deal with my friend while waiting for someone from the operating theater to fetch me to the operating theater at 1pm. Finally after playing for quite awhile, the trolley bed was here to bring me to the operating theater, we did not complete our last game before I went for the surgery.
My friend accompanied me till the operating theater and wished me all the best and re-assure me that I will be alright. Then my friend left. Was very touched that my friend accompanied me to the hospital so early in the morning and waited with me till I was in the operating theater. Thanks alot, friend! Not very convenient to say ur name, so I just used 'my friend' all the way..haha..hope u dun mind..=)
In the operating theatre, I was feeling scare and nervous but is confident that both my spine surgeon and my pain doctor will take good care of me and I am in good hands. Waited for my pain doctor at the waiting area, spoke to him and shortly after that, I was pushed into the operating theatre.. In the operating theatre, I got more nervous. But seeing how professional my both doctors were, I felt much better. My pain doctor inserted the iv plug on my hand without much effort and injected some medications into my veins. Soon after that, I was knocked out..the next moment I know is that the surgery is completed and my doctor is there beside me waking me up. I did not feel much pain as I was heavily on pain medications. The whole surgery was not as scary as I thought. Soon after I was awake in the recovery room in the operating theatre, I was pushed back to my bed where my family were already there waiting for me. Was feeling very drowsy and tired, didn't talk much to my family members. Just kept sleeping and only had a few mouth of porridge. After my family members left, my bestest friend, wanying and her bf came to visit me. Though I was feeling drowsy and tired, I still managed to stay awake to talk to them for awhile, guess cos it was already few hours after the GA and I was feeling more conscious when they came. Thanks wanying and darren for coming to visit me.
22 Feb 2011
One day after the operation, my surgeon came to see how I am coping and told me that the surgery were very successful, the only thing is that they found that I have a damage nerve which is near my left disc. The nerve had turned white instead of the normal blue but after he free the nerve from the ligaments pressing on it, the nerve slowly returned to less white. It was probably damaged by one of the doctor in AH who had done a minor procedure on me in 2009. I was quite upset when I heard that. I was told that the damage nerve might recover within 6 months to 1 year and if it doesn't, there is a high chance that it will remain damage forever which means that I will be feeling the pain on my left leg forever. I didn't think that much as I was still quite tired and drowsy. Ard noon, the physiotheraptist came to get me out of bed and walk me. When I tried walking, I felt the pain on my right butt, hips and leg. My family came in the evening to visit me but i was too tired and pain that i kept sleeping.
23 Feb 2011
The physiotherapist informed my spine surgeon about my pain at my right leg and my surgeon came and examined me and I was told that the pain was due to the Sacroiliac joint that is giving me the problem. He informed my pain doctor who had all along treated me for my pain as well as for my SI joint problem. I did not get out of bed to walk as I was feeling pain at my right leg and the physiotherapy thought that I should rest till further instructions were given to her by both my doctors. Dear came to keep me company in the afternoon. He took leave on that day. Bought alot of things for me..even bought kinder joy for me..=D was very happy that he was there to keep me company and to cheer and support me..=) Besides, kinder joy, he also bought me magazine with all the movies that is/will be showing soon and also orea biscuits..hahaha..
he left in the afternoon..Thanks dear for coming to keep me company and supported me all this while..=D Besides, dear who came, brother yuanxing came too to visit me with flowers from him and his two sisters too. Thanks bro for always being there to care and encourage me!! Thanks brother and sisters for the flowers. =D
I received a hamper from my colleagues in credit suisse.. Thank you so much colleagues! My colleagues came in the evening to visit me..They bought HAPPY BEARS for me and also a book from siew lin. Markus also sent his regards to me. They left shortly as they saw that I was very tired. I was really touched and happy that they came to visit me, encourage me and also bought me things even though they know that I will be away for quite some time from work and they will be more busy and stress. Hope that I did not give them much trouble due to my absence. But I guess I did as I am away for 2 months. They must be more busy..so sorry my fellow colleagues.. I felt so bad to have to be away for so long but my back and legs just didn't wanna 'behave' making me feel terrible. I will try my best to get well soon and be back soon...so sorry for all the inconvenience caused. Thanks for coming to visit me despite ur busy schedule. =)
My ex-colleague from DBS training came to see me as well. Thanks candy! =D My family were there in the evening as well, I was much alert compared to the previous two days. But when I told them that I am feeling pain at the right side, they were very worried. I told them that I would be fine but they were still worried..hahaha..They left after seeing me go to sleep.
24 Feb 2011
My pain doctor came to examine me as he was informed that I felt alot of pain at my right when I walk. He then did some tests and was convinced that it was my right SI joint that is giving the problem. He then suggested that I go for a radiofrequency abalation for my SI joint. Putting it in simple terms is to burn my nerve in the SI Joint area so that I won't feel the pain anymore. It was ard 8am that I have decided that we should do that if not I won't be able to walk normally without pain. The procedure was schedule for in the afternoon. So once again, I went into the OT. This time is not GA but I was under deep sedation. It was super amazing as I did not remember anything during the procedure.. I was 'sleeping' for the whole procedure and was only awake when my doctor wake me up once again in the recovery room informing me that the procedure is over. Shortly, I was being pushed back to my bed.
My mum and sis were in the room waiting for me when I was being pushed back to bed. They looked worried as they saw that I was very tired. I didn't actually remember much abt what happened as I was feeling so drowsy. I think brother, sis-in-law and dad came to visit me in the evening as well.. but I was too tired to remember much. cos the medicine that I was given in the operating theatre was still not wear off.
25 Feb 2011
The physiotherapist came early in the morning to see how I was doing and I got up to walk. When I started walking, I found that I was unable to walk much as my left side of the SI joint is giving me the problem after the right side was fixed.. I was abit worried when I felt that pain. My pain doctor came in the afternoon to review me and see if I am feeling better from the procedure he did on the right SI joint the previous day. But I told him that I had the left pain this time round. The previous day before he did the procedure for me on my right SI joint, both doctors tested on both sides of my SI joint and only the right was painful and the left was perfectly alright. When I told him that my left is in pain, he was abit shock as it was only a difference of a day. He suggested that we do the same to the left SI joint to solve the pain and I agreed and decided to go ahead since I am already in the hospital and was already in pain. I do not have much choice as I will be feeling the pain if I dun go ahead to decide with the procedure and I won't be able to walk properly as I will be in pain. This time, the procedure is in the evening.
When evening came, I was again pushed into the OT for the third time in the 5 days, same thing, I was in deep sedation and did not remember anything abt it. I was woken up by my doctor after the procedure informing me that all is fine now. I was then pushed back to my room. And my family was there waiting for me already and I think it was already 9plus by then. Was very very tired and wasn't able to talk much with my family just kept sleeping. I am very sure is due to all the medications given to me during the 1 GA and 2 deep sedation and also the painkillers contributed to a certain extend..
26 Feb 2011
My pain doctor came to review me and told me that if I want, I can be discharge that day. But I told him that I was still feeling alot of pain. He asked if I want to stay for a day more to infuse some medication in me for 24 hours to reduce the pain and be discharge the next day. I told him I am agreeable with his suggestion as I was still feeling pain. The medication that was infused in me was ketamine. It made me feel so tired and I slept for most of the time. My uncle came but I didn't get to see him as I was asleep and he didn't want to wake me up as he sees that I was soundly asleep. He left some tonics that he bought and just left. Thanks uncle and sorry for not waking up to say hi and thank you to u. =)
My mood has been up and down recently.. Feeling good when I feel better and bad when I feel more pain.. Upset at times when my pain increases suddenly when I felt much better for some time already...Trying very hard to cope with all this..but sometimes it's really not very easy to cope with it.. Too many things that I worried for but unable to find anyone to talk to abt it..At times, I really felt so lost and so upset..I can only bear with the pain and move on, hoping that I will feel better soon..no other choice for me I guess..='( everyday when I wake up from my sleep in the morning, I will be so afraid that my pain will increase but I can't do anything to control my fear..This two months is really terrible for me..hopefully it will end soon but I really am not confident abt that..=(