Sorry everyone, this post is not meant for u all.. only meant for my dear.
12 march 2011
Dear, I dunno what is happening between us. I wanted to talk to u abt it but u wanted to talk only after ur exams. So I respect ur decision to only talk after ur exams. Os I know u dun want to be affected by this. But promise me that u will really have a good talk with me after ur exams..k?
It was so difficult for us to get together and finally we managed to get together after knowing each other for 7 yrs. I miss u so so much and I am so in love with u. This few days I have been thinking of u, thinking of the things we had done together, the things that u told me, looking at the gifts u have bought for me and how romantic u were during valentine’s day. I remember all the things u told me on the day that we got together as well as the things that u told me after we got together. The words u said and the things u do were all so sweet. I am really enjoying every moment I am with u and I feel very comfortable when I am with u..Hope u are feeling comfortable and enjoying my company too.
I have also been thinking abt what I have done wrong that made u react this way. We were still alright on my birthday. I really hoped that I did not do anything wrong to make u not talk to me and meet me. I hope u will let me know what is wrong and give each other one more chance to try to mend our relationship. Dun give up on me so soon, k?
I know that it has been hard for u to be alone for the past 2 months cos I wasn’t able to keep u company and so had neglected u. I am sincerely sorry for that. But I really had no choice cos my I am still recovering from my surgery and so I wasn’t able to go out for long and my legs were still very weak for the past 2 months. I know that if I were to go out with u during that period, I will be a burden to u. Now that I am feeling a lot better and can finally keep u company, u started to not talk to me much and not meet me for now. I really hope u will let me know wat is wrong. If it’s my problem, I will change. If u think we are facing any difficulties that have prevented us to move on, let me know. I will be there to support you and overcome all obstacles that we have together so that we can move on together.
I will really feel very depressed and sad if we were to give up on this relationship so soon. Hope after u had thought it through, u will give me a chance to be there for u to overcome all obstacles that we have together. I am feeling a lot better now and are still trying my very best to reduce more of my pain soon so that we can have a better future ahead of us. So please dun give up on me now. U are the one who keeps me going during my toughest period after my surgery. Without ur support and without u, I dun think I will be able to get through those painful and tough times I had after the surgery, cos u are the one I love most. Even though u are not there physically to support me, I know that u are always there giving me morale support during my surgery and after my surgery and that morale support from you together with my family members support, keeps me going till now. Thanks for being so wonderful and understanding for the period when I am recovering from my surgery.
I really would love to move on together with u to build our future together. So please give each other a chance to do that, k? Dun give up on this relationship so easily, k? I believe most of the couples will face a lot of problems and obstacles during the relationship. And it is through all the problems and obstacles that made them know each other better and move on together to solve each problem and finally get married. I hope we will also be able to do that too by having a good chat after ur exams and try to sort things out and move on together rather than just giving up on this relationship.
Lastly, I would like to tell u that I love u very much and miss u a lot. No matter wat happen to u, I just want u to know that I will always be there for u. I hoped that u will give me a chance to be there for u just like how supported me during my toughest period. Take care and jiayou for ur last paper..k? =D U can do it de! =) I LOVE U! =D
:: My eventful 2 months (part 2) ::
It was one of the bad day for me as I was still feeling nausea from the injection on 11 march 2011.. Only stayed at home. But the good thing is that dear came over to my house after his work at 1plus. Cos I wanted to buy a new laptop. He came with lots of brochures for me to look and choose. Took quite a lot of time choosing the laptop. Cos everything looks good and ok.. Finally after discussion with dear and my mum, we have decided on the dell laptop..:) after deciding, dear and I went downstairs for food.. Cos poor him, he haven't eaten his lunch.. He came right after work and I took so long to choose the laptop. During the lunch, he told me that he had considered and looked through the BTO in hdb website. And he thinks that we can try. I was so happy and delighted that he said that. After his lunch, he went back to my house. My sis called and said that she is at town and is coming back to meet dear to go IT fair to get the laptop. Then we told sis to stay there instead and dear will make his way to cityhall to meet her.. So after some time, dear left my house to meet my sis.. Was happy that dear is so wonderful. :D thanks dear for all ur effort to go down to get the laptop for me. Thanks sis too!:D while dear and sis went to get the laptop, I stayed at home studying for a test as there is a online test that day. I tried to login several times but was unable to login msg to checked with lecturer. He said that my name is not in the list so I couldn't login and that there is nothing he can do.. The way he puts it is so irritating and rude. And he is a lecturer.. 2nd aunty also came to visit me with uncle richard. Sis came back at abt 9pm with the new laptop. Was so excited and took the laptop out to figure how to do the set up of the laptop for the first time. Sis told me that dear had not taken dinner, felt so bad cos he went to get the laptop for me and so very late haven't take dinner. Thanks dear, love u for everything u have done for me! Thanks for being so understanding, caring and loving towards me! :D Really hope we can build a family and grow old together! :D love u lots dear!:)
13 march 2011
It was just a normal day. Still feeling pain as usual. Woke up with breakfast all prepared for me. Thanks mum! Woke up and took my breakfast then went to use my new laptop. :D had my lunch at 2plus then. Nothing much happened on this day.. Only the usual thing..:D
14 march 2011
Today it is the day I dislike. Cos it's the day I have to go for my 2nd dose the infusion and jab.. I called my doc and told him that I do not want to go cos the feeling was so terrible then he suggested that I do the infusion only. So I agreed to go for it. Went to visit grandma and bring her out for breakfast before going to AH for the infusion. After breakfast with ah ma, her maid brought her home and we made our way to AH.
When I reached AH ward 1, everyone knows me and was calling my name. They had already prepared the machines that I need even before I come. Lie on the bed for 2hours waiting for the infusion to get into me. The infusion was only 1hour and I needed to be observe for 1 hour before I can go. This time round wasn't that bad. Still not feeling as bad. At least I did not feel nausea and vomit this time round. After 2hours, mum brought me back and I slept till dinner was ready. Ate the dinner and slept again till morning. Was so tired maybe cos of the infusion.
15 march 2011
Went to physiotherapy in the morning with mum accompanying me.. Mum waited patiently for me to finish physiotherapy and after that, we went for some food. Can't really remember wat we ate.. Only know that we went to jurong point to eat..
After eating, we went home as weining is coming to our house in the afternoon to play. Her birthday is on 21 march and so we celebrated her birthday in advance for her.. We bought a present and balloon for her as well as cake.. Can see that she is really happy to come to our place to play.. She played my drumset for awhile and went to use my new laptop. Took quite a feel pics with my new laptop's webcam. Weining is so clever, she was the one who taught us how to take pictures using our webcam and upload immediately on fb. Ordered pizza for dinner and after eating, ning continued using the laptop with my sis.
I left home with mum at 7pm to settle my school stuff. When to bishan to ask DPM Wong to help me write a letter to SIM. My mentor, Alvin helped me with the writing of letter before I get to see DPM Wong to tell him my problem with the school. Saw DPM Wong after awhile and went home at ard 9plus.
The letter that DPM Wong had signed off was very effective.. My school responded fast to the letter and within a few days, my problem with the school was settled. Would like to say k big thank u to DPM Wong and Alvin for the letter to the school. :D
16 March 2011
Went to AH for the last round of lidocaine infusion, calcitonin injection and Thiamine infusion.. Went there at 12pm and left at 4pm. This time round was feeling a lot better as my doctor had increased the anti-vomitting medicine. So I was feeling better and did not vomit. Just felt cramp at my stomach. Mum can to bring me home.. Mum’s ex-boss called when we were abt to leave the hospital. She said she wanted to come and visit us. So we took a cab home and her boss bought dinner for us.. Had my dinner, talked to her boss until abt 9pm. Then after her boss left, I went into my room and fell asleep soon.
17 March 2011
It was a normal day for me. I didn’t feel much discomfort from the injection and infusion. But the back and leg are still pain as usual. Woke up, had breakfast with mum, took medicine and slept again till 2 plus. Then went downstairs for a walk with mum..At night, was feeling so stressed up and sad.. so many things not settled yet, my hospital bill of 15K not settle yet, school issue still not settled, back still feeling very pain. Felt so depressed as everything is not going smooth for me after the surgery. Almost wanted to give up, but was lucky to have my friends, cousins, family and dear’s support. Cried at night as I know that with the pain that I am having at my back, I could be admitted for infusion of ketamine when I go for review on the next day (18 March) as that is the 2nd option I was given previously. I am afraid to admit in hospital again but there is not much choice as that is one of the options that could helped me get better. I felt so lost. Dunno who I should talk to though I have so many ppl there to support me. Didn’t call dear as I didn’t want him to think that I am so problematic as he also have a lot of things to do at work. I receive a call from Mike and talked to him for some time and told him my problems and fear. Cried when talking to him cos I really couldn’t control my emotions. After talking to Mike for awhile, I felt much better. Mike, thank you so much for calling me. =)
18 March 2011
Woke up quite early in the morning, had breakfast with mum at downstairs. Went home to have a rest before going for my medical appt at AH. Before going to AH, when for lunch with mum at the coffeeshop opposite the hospital. Only took abit of porridge as I did not have any appetite to eat due to the pain I am having at my back and leg.
After lunch, we went to AH for the medical appt. Waited for abt 30mins to 1 hr before seeing my doctor. Told him that I am still in quite a lot of pain. He gave me two choices again. 1) To admit and have infusion of ketamine for 7 days. 2) To bear with the pain and try to control with medication. In the end, I chose option 1 as I am in so much pain and dun wanna just keep waiting for the pain to reduce with oral medications. I hoped that I can reduce my pain fast so that I will be able to get back to normal life. So that I could go out with my dear and keep my dear company cos I have not been able to go out with him ever since my surgery. He will definitely feel bored cos no one to shop with him and keep him company. I dun want to neglect him for so long due to my back problem cos it will be very hard on him and I am afraid that he will leave me due to that. Secondly, I am already away from work for almost a month. I really hoped that the infusion can help me reduce my pain fast so that I can get back to work soon as my colleague is going for re-service in April. Thirdly, Mum, my sis, my cousins and dad is worried to see me suffer with pain for so long. Don’t want them to keep worrying for me so wanted to get better soon.
After deciding to be admitted, I went to clinic J to wait for financial counseling and wait for a bed in the ward. Waited abt 1.5 hr before there is a bed for me in Ward 7. Was brought up to ward 7 and the nurse bring me to my bed. Soon after I was admitted, the doctors and nurses came to talked to me and ask me some questions. My doctor came to see me after he was done with his clinic. Told me abt wat I will be going through and how I will be feeling. He left shortly after awhile. Then at abt 7pm, the ketamine infusion started. I am supposed to have the infusion 24 hours and for 7 days. Felt quite terrible at first as I kept feeling giddy and nausea. Didn’t have much appetite to eat and so didn’t eat much during dinner. Just felt terrible. Msg my dear that I am admitted but he was unable to come visit me as he got something on. I informed him too late, if not, he will be able to come keep me company for awhile. Also good that he didn’t come as I dun want him to rush here from work then after that will reach home late. It will be tiring for him. He told me that he will come visit me on sat.
Informed brother abt my admission, then he was quite surprise. He asked why I was admitted again. Then I explained the whole thing to him abt my nerve being damaged by the doctor who did my procedure in 2009. The brother was so angry that he asked me for my doctor’s number. I gave it to him but told him that my current doctor is not the one who damage my nerve. I msg brother remindng him not to scold my current doctor as he is good and is only trying to treat my pain and make me feel better, unlike the other doctor who did the procedure in 2009. Was happy to have a brother and sister-in-law who cares for me so much. Thanks brother and Da Sao! =D
I think I will stop here and continue my part 3 of the eventful 2 months some other time. Cos I am already feeling very tired.
Hope that you all won’t read till u sleep. Cos like super long. Good Night! =D