SERENE(:

Tuesday, January 16, 2007
:: THE DAY IS HERE.... ::

The day i am most afraid that it will come is here..this morning wake up then gt ppl from court come to my house..they come and seal everything in my house..then after that they will come n take our things to sell..hmmm..so sad..think my com will also be taken away..maybe this wil be the last time i using my house com to blog..cos i dunno when they will come n take away our things..really sad..knew that this would happen sooner or later..cos my dad owes the bank alot of money..so much till they coming to take all my things at home..he still say to let them seal..he said that he would settle it..everytime he said that he nv settle it..y must he lie?? y he dun go and pay the debts when he gt the money??y he must wait till this kind of things happen then he say he go settle??? i really dun understand..IAP is already a headache..n now one more problem..if the com being taken away, how r we supposed to do our projects??can anyone tell me??it's final for me..wat abt my brother??he still gt few months n alot of projects to do..think my sis will be very sad too..cos she spend most of her time with this com..then if being taken away, she will be very very sad..now is all the things in my house..then later will be the house le..soon..i really believe..

i wrote down all this here cos i gt no one to talk to..i need to get it out of me..if not i will go crazy soon..i wrote all this here not cos i want ppl to pity me..i still remember that someone who hurt me really alot..she said that i am just trying to show how pathetic i am and asking ppl to sympathy me..but i am not like that..whenever i think of her words, i felt so pain in me..i may be poor and pathetic, but i do not need anyone to pity me..cos i have hands and legs..i have backbones..i will work hard to earn money for myself, my mother, my brother n my sister..i believe that my mother n brother are also working hard to support us n themselves..so i dun need anyone to pity me..n i am not trying to get anyone to sympathy me..i am not that sort of ppl..must really thanks those who really care for me n who have helped me when i am facing any difficulties..without them, i may not be able to suvive through all the hard times..

For now, i dunno wat should i do..really lost..think now i will just study n concentrate hard for the coming exams..mustn't let all this affect me..if not i will be disappointing lots of ppl..hope that everything will be better after my exams..must really do well in my exams this time..

i am left with nothing......but glad to have a few ppl who r always there for me n encouraging me..

SERENE-D(x 10:53 am

Thursday, January 11, 2007
:: Confused... ::

Hmmm..this coming friday, irene is going to leave ACS..then will not see her that often le..so scare that we would lose contact after she left the company..haiz..she is leaving, n i'm also leaving to study for my exams..dunno how ACS going to cope..cos still got alot of TB n WB not in yet..Wondering if they could cope with all the things..abit worry for their closing at the end of the day..then worry that they dunno how to receive stocks..like so many things nv teach them then leaving le..felt so irresponsible..but i have no choice..gt to do revisions for my exams..
Haiz..abit sad that irene is leaving..cos it was really a pleasure working with her..during the last three weeks working at ACS was my happiest moments le..cos everyone like help one another then like one big family..haiz..so happy..although it's abit tired n stress..but i felt happy working there..but think she leave le then i dun think i will go back so often le..cos someone will be back..n i dun want to be hurted by her anymore..so i chose to leave ACS too..Can't really bear to leave ACS..cos work there for so long le..work there for almost three yrs..the feelings are there..feeling so sad..can't believe that i will be leaving the company soon..haven't decide if i will continue working at popular till a find a job..but for the time being think i will stop working till after exams..need to concentrate..

Can't get to sleep now..cos alot of things to worry..IAP is my greatest fear..i am afriad that we will fail..like the other time..haiz..then followed by will be MA..haiz..want to do well for the coming exams but gt the fear in me..not very confident..see my past results, think i wasted the whole of my poly life..am i really in the wrong course?? dun even know if i could get a job after graduating..then ytd went to ask for the CCA points thing..then in the end that person say cannot get CCA points for the WMC last yr..cos that person say is not beneficial to SP..MUST THEY BE SO PRACTICAL????it's an international competition..not a national competition..dun see the point why i can't get CCA points for that..SP really is a bad school..so practical..hate it..frustrated!!!!!!!! Maybe i went to the wrong school..haiz..other poly can get CCA points for that..BUT NOT SP!!!!! IAP really dunno how to complete..seems that still alot more to go..seems like still far from completion..haiz..how???

Apart from work n school, still gt problems at home..dad nv take money home..then owe so many ppl money..also dunno how to repay the debts..it's really too much for me..i going to breakdown soon..can't take it soon..haiz..dun understand y he cannot think..y he just can't use money wisely..y must he owe so many debts when he know that he can't pay them in the first place..y is he working n not contributing to the family..everyday make us worry for his things..i gt alot of qns..but no ans to any of the qns..haiz..dun understand why he is working and nv take money back home..y he nv keep his promise..does he still care for the family? He still care for us???y he every month also want ppl to worry so much for his debts???Y he everytime say he not enough money???where did he spend his money?? i have no ans to these qns..everytime at night think of all this then will worry so much till can't sleep..is it fated to be like that??? When will he change to be a better father??? Really hope that this will come true one day..

I am thinking, thinking n thinking.....feeling so confused....='(

SERENE-D(x 3:06 am

Sunday, January 07, 2007
:: YEAR 2007.. ::

So fast n it's 2007 already.. So many things happened in the yr 2006..not a very good yr for me..hope this yr will be a better yr for me..haiz..had nightmares almost every night ever since it's 2007..kept dreaming abt the past events that are frightening..i am so confused..dunno wat to do..going to graduate soon..but still dunno wat i really want to do after i graduate..dunno want to find wat job..should i go n find a new job or continue working with the same company..still thinking..got alot of things that is stopping me from continuing..but also got alot of things that made me want to continue..i dunno how..wat should i do????? No one to talk to..no one to share with..no one to guide me to the next step in life..i am so confuse..who can i talk to??i really dunno..

Exams schedule are out..time to study hard..run my last lap..must really do well this time..beginning to feel stress out..scare that my results will be very poor again..i dunno wat to do..

Realised that my circle of friends are getting smaller n smaller..friends which i usually hang out with r all busy with their things...no time for me..last time meet up once every two weeks..then now become once a month or even never meet up at all for more than a month..Everyone really so busy???? Or everyone thinks that i am poor and not worth meeting??? During this three weeks de break, i everytime after work, dun feel like going home so early but dunno where to go..in the end, ended up loitering ard alone..dun wanna go home..cos go home will hv alot of things to think..cos of my dad..haiz..i am sad..lonely n confused..but no one knows or understands me..sometimes really feel like crying..cos i am feeling so bad inside..i am nv good at anything..always put in alot of effort for something but nv get back anything at all..work, school, family and relationship all like that..i have put in alot of effort for all this but i get nothing in return..the only thing i get is disappointment n more disappointment..am i really that bad???? Does everyone feels that i am bad????

Feeling so hurt deep in my heart.......................

SERENE-D(x 1:13 am