SERENE(:

Monday, November 27, 2006
:: Can't control my feelings anymore.. ::

Been hiding my true feelings..now i realised that i really can't hide it anymore..i am feeling so down now..nobody to talk to and nobody understands..everybody just cares abt themselves..family like that, then friends also like that..everyone i know seems to change now..or am i the one changing???i really dunno..last time when i feel sad and down,still gt ppl there for me n cheer me up..but now...i am all alone..no one is there for me anymore..all busy..i really can't take it anymore..going to break down le..tears keep rolling down..can't stop it..i am such a failure..worked so hard..dunno for wat..no one appreciate it..all only think of money..one month work for afew days only..then ppl keep taking from me..i am only 19..not 20plus or 30 plus..i haven't come out to work..just working part time..why torture me like that..why keep taking money from me..why bring me to this world to torture me??????? Is really not that easy to work and study at the same time..i am really tired..really..need to do projects n revisions..then still need to work..if not no money to use..if in the first place, cannot support me..then dun bring me to this world..i really can't take it le..ppl at my age gt their parents' support..dun have to worry so much..why am i so different from them??? I have to give them instead of them giving me..y????i really dunno y..do i owe them alot in my previous life???feeling so lonely and sad..anyone there for me???

then wanna go out also dunno go where n go with who..this few times keep going to west mall alone to shop..shop n nv buy things..cos dunno wat to buy..just dun wanna go back so early..ask my friends to go out with me..then all not free..so pathetic..think one day i will die of loneliness..does anyone still remember me as their friend???feeling so empty in me..... :'(

wat is wrong?????my heart feels so empty now..have i given up on him le????

SERENE-D(x 12:29 am

Thursday, November 16, 2006
:: Back to post after a month... ::

Hmmm..so long nv use the com..gt use also use for projects only..haha..that's y so long nv blog..then just now went to look at my blog realised i so long nv blog le..so came in to write something..Had been busy with lots of things for the past one month..so got no time..plus fall sick again..for onw week le..still coughing like hell..then nv go for my test on monday..cos was too sick..slept for 18 hours on monday..only awake for 6 hours..haha..think i really sickyguru..hahaha..

Quite a no of things happened during the one month..then very sian..so dun wanna write..haiz..had some misunderstanding with one person..then kanna her scold all sorts of vulgarities..first time in my life kanna scold so many vulgarities at one go..was quite angry..but dun wanna be too bothered by this person..cos i did nothing wrong..i managed to control my temper that day when she scolded me..if not..she won't have kanna from me le..hahaha..then my dad still ask me go report police..if only i taped it down..haha..but nobody would expect this thing to happen..so nv bring recorder..haha..but anyway..i won't be affected by this person..cos i know that i have ppl around me that really cares for me..=) Dun worry be Happy..haha..

Then this whole month besides doing projects, i still went to work..then was like damn busy at work..cos selling books le..yr end le ma..so need to sell books..every yr this time will be the busiest period le..haha..so many things to prepare..then carry books till i whole body ache..haha..but no choice..gt to work..cos must earn money to use..if not no money to use..haha..so busy n tired till nv meet up with y friends for quite some time le..

i also sorted out some of my feelings during this one month..think i had given up hope..after all that i have done n nothing in return..already had enough..n waited long enough..n furthermore..think no chance le..cos of something..so i think i will give up..At least i done watever i think it will work..but in the end..dun think any of them works..cos is all up to the other party..it takes both hands to clap..me alone cannot do much..not fated ba..that's all that i can say...time will heal all wounds..haha..so hope i will get over it soon..feel sad..but no choice..not fated..='(

Few more months to graduation..must do jiayou..for the last lap le...haha..can't wait to graduate..haha..but after graduate then need to go work..then i dun like..but also no choice..cos no work..no money..then cannot further study le..haha..so must work hard n save up for my future..hmmm..very late le..think i better go sleep liao..later get worst..then fri no need go take test le..haha..k la..i shall stop here..good nite..heez..(",)

Trying hard to forget..Can't stop ppl from doing wat they want..i must always remember to be true to myself..n that's good enough..

SERENE-D(x 3:28 am