Saturday, May 21, 2011
Sorry everyone, this post is not meant for u all.. only meant for my dear.
12 march 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
28 feb 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Read my blog and it been a long time since i blogged. Been wanting to blog but do not have the time to do so or rather do not have the energy to do so. It will take me a super long time to blog on my eventful two months from the day I was admitted to Parkway east hospital for my spine operation.. My family came during the evening and stayed for some time before leaving for dinner. Thanks Mama, cynthia, brother, sis-in-law and dad for coming down to see me almost everyday! Thanks for caring so much for me and for supporting my decisions and also for being there for me throughout. 27 Feb 2011 The physiotherapist came early in the morning to test if I could walk properly, brought me to the stairs and corridor to walk and was satisfied that I am good to go. I was finally able to discharge. Waited for my doctor to review and discharge me. He came at around 10am, told him that I was still feeling pain but was much better so he allowed me to go back home to rest. He showed me the X-ray he had taken during the procedure he did on 24 Feb and 25 Feb and told me that they were very shock to see my x-ray as they discovered that my SI joint is 90 degrees instead of the normal curve that normal ppl had. I was shocked to hear that too. He asked if I had any other fall besides the stairs incident. Then I recalled I fell from the bike once when dad sent me to work. I told him abt it and he was very sure that the fall from the bike is the cause of my SI joint being 90 degrees. Dad was there when I told my doctor abt it. Dad was abit shock too and he started to feel worried and looked abit guilty. I didn't purposely made him feel that way but i need to inform my doctor so that he could fill the insurance claim form for me. My doctor told me not to worry abt the 90 degrees problem and said that it will probably only affect my child birth in the sense that I won't be able to have natural birth. But I was still able to give birth to kids. So nothing much to worry. After dad and mum talked to my doctor and everything was settled, I went to the cashier to settle my payment. The total bills for the 7 days came up to be $55,716/=.. I went up to collect my things and discharge summary, etc and left at 11 plus. Was glad that I was finally able to discharge but was still feeling pain and was still very very tired. This is part 1 of my eventful two months. I shall continue with part 2, 3 and maybe 4, 5 when I am feeling better.. need to go for a rest now. abit tired and feeling pain already. Dear, I hope u will continue to be there to support and encourage me.. I promise that I will try my best to get better for our future..Give me ur support..k? Sorry to not be able to go shopping with u for this two months.. Thanks for being so understanding and loving me even though I am so troublesome.. Thanks dear, Love u lots! =)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
3 months since I last posted.. it was a busy 3 months for me..cos most of the time busy at work..
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
It's been a bad n sad week for me.. today is only the midweek.. dunno how am I going to survive till end of the week.. been feeling so frustrated with things around me keep happening..
Friday, January 01, 2010
Firstly, would like to wish my friends and families a Happy New Year!! Hopefully 2010 will be a fruitful year for all!!
:: To my dear ::
Dear, I dunno what is happening between us. I wanted to talk to u abt it but u wanted to talk only after ur exams. So I respect ur decision to only talk after ur exams. Os I know u dun want to be affected by this. But promise me that u will really have a good talk with me after ur exams..k?
It was so difficult for us to get together and finally we managed to get together after knowing each other for 7 yrs. I miss u so so much and I am so in love with u. This few days I have been thinking of u, thinking of the things we had done together, the things that u told me, looking at the gifts u have bought for me and how romantic u were during valentine’s day. I remember all the things u told me on the day that we got together as well as the things that u told me after we got together. The words u said and the things u do were all so sweet. I am really enjoying every moment I am with u and I feel very comfortable when I am with u..Hope u are feeling comfortable and enjoying my company too.
I have also been thinking abt what I have done wrong that made u react this way. We were still alright on my birthday. I really hoped that I did not do anything wrong to make u not talk to me and meet me. I hope u will let me know what is wrong and give each other one more chance to try to mend our relationship. Dun give up on me so soon, k?
I know that it has been hard for u to be alone for the past 2 months cos I wasn’t able to keep u company and so had neglected u. I am sincerely sorry for that. But I really had no choice cos my I am still recovering from my surgery and so I wasn’t able to go out for long and my legs were still very weak for the past 2 months. I know that if I were to go out with u during that period, I will be a burden to u. Now that I am feeling a lot better and can finally keep u company, u started to not talk to me much and not meet me for now. I really hope u will let me know wat is wrong. If it’s my problem, I will change. If u think we are facing any difficulties that have prevented us to move on, let me know. I will be there to support you and overcome all obstacles that we have together so that we can move on together.
I will really feel very depressed and sad if we were to give up on this relationship so soon. Hope after u had thought it through, u will give me a chance to be there for u to overcome all obstacles that we have together. I am feeling a lot better now and are still trying my very best to reduce more of my pain soon so that we can have a better future ahead of us. So please dun give up on me now. U are the one who keeps me going during my toughest period after my surgery. Without ur support and without u, I dun think I will be able to get through those painful and tough times I had after the surgery, cos u are the one I love most. Even though u are not there physically to support me, I know that u are always there giving me morale support during my surgery and after my surgery and that morale support from you together with my family members support, keeps me going till now. Thanks for being so wonderful and understanding for the period when I am recovering from my surgery.
I really would love to move on together with u to build our future together. So please give each other a chance to do that, k? Dun give up on this relationship so easily, k? I believe most of the couples will face a lot of problems and obstacles during the relationship. And it is through all the problems and obstacles that made them know each other better and move on together to solve each problem and finally get married. I hope we will also be able to do that too by having a good chat after ur exams and try to sort things out and move on together rather than just giving up on this relationship.
Lastly, I would like to tell u that I love u very much and miss u a lot. No matter wat happen to u, I just want u to know that I will always be there for u. I hoped that u will give me a chance to be there for u just like how supported me during my toughest period. Take care and jiayou for ur last paper..k? =D U can do it de! =) I LOVE U! =D
:: My eventful 2 months (part 2) ::
It was one of the bad day for me as I was still feeling nausea from the injection on 11 march 2011.. Only stayed at home. But the good thing is that dear came over to my house after his work at 1plus. Cos I wanted to buy a new laptop. He came with lots of brochures for me to look and choose. Took quite a lot of time choosing the laptop. Cos everything looks good and ok.. Finally after discussion with dear and my mum, we have decided on the dell laptop..:) after deciding, dear and I went downstairs for food.. Cos poor him, he haven't eaten his lunch.. He came right after work and I took so long to choose the laptop. During the lunch, he told me that he had considered and looked through the BTO in hdb website. And he thinks that we can try. I was so happy and delighted that he said that. After his lunch, he went back to my house. My sis called and said that she is at town and is coming back to meet dear to go IT fair to get the laptop. Then we told sis to stay there instead and dear will make his way to cityhall to meet her.. So after some time, dear left my house to meet my sis.. Was happy that dear is so wonderful. :D thanks dear for all ur effort to go down to get the laptop for me. Thanks sis too!:D while dear and sis went to get the laptop, I stayed at home studying for a test as there is a online test that day. I tried to login several times but was unable to login msg to checked with lecturer. He said that my name is not in the list so I couldn't login and that there is nothing he can do.. The way he puts it is so irritating and rude. And he is a lecturer.. 2nd aunty also came to visit me with uncle richard. Sis came back at abt 9pm with the new laptop. Was so excited and took the laptop out to figure how to do the set up of the laptop for the first time. Sis told me that dear had not taken dinner, felt so bad cos he went to get the laptop for me and so very late haven't take dinner. Thanks dear, love u for everything u have done for me! Thanks for being so understanding, caring and loving towards me! :D Really hope we can build a family and grow old together! :D love u lots dear!:)
13 march 2011
It was just a normal day. Still feeling pain as usual. Woke up with breakfast all prepared for me. Thanks mum! Woke up and took my breakfast then went to use my new laptop. :D had my lunch at 2plus then. Nothing much happened on this day.. Only the usual thing..:D
14 march 2011
Today it is the day I dislike. Cos it's the day I have to go for my 2nd dose the infusion and jab.. I called my doc and told him that I do not want to go cos the feeling was so terrible then he suggested that I do the infusion only. So I agreed to go for it. Went to visit grandma and bring her out for breakfast before going to AH for the infusion. After breakfast with ah ma, her maid brought her home and we made our way to AH.
When I reached AH ward 1, everyone knows me and was calling my name. They had already prepared the machines that I need even before I come. Lie on the bed for 2hours waiting for the infusion to get into me. The infusion was only 1hour and I needed to be observe for 1 hour before I can go. This time round wasn't that bad. Still not feeling as bad. At least I did not feel nausea and vomit this time round. After 2hours, mum brought me back and I slept till dinner was ready. Ate the dinner and slept again till morning. Was so tired maybe cos of the infusion.
15 march 2011
Went to physiotherapy in the morning with mum accompanying me.. Mum waited patiently for me to finish physiotherapy and after that, we went for some food. Can't really remember wat we ate.. Only know that we went to jurong point to eat..
After eating, we went home as weining is coming to our house in the afternoon to play. Her birthday is on 21 march and so we celebrated her birthday in advance for her.. We bought a present and balloon for her as well as cake.. Can see that she is really happy to come to our place to play.. She played my drumset for awhile and went to use my new laptop. Took quite a feel pics with my new laptop's webcam. Weining is so clever, she was the one who taught us how to take pictures using our webcam and upload immediately on fb. Ordered pizza for dinner and after eating, ning continued using the laptop with my sis.
I left home with mum at 7pm to settle my school stuff. When to bishan to ask DPM Wong to help me write a letter to SIM. My mentor, Alvin helped me with the writing of letter before I get to see DPM Wong to tell him my problem with the school. Saw DPM Wong after awhile and went home at ard 9plus.
The letter that DPM Wong had signed off was very effective.. My school responded fast to the letter and within a few days, my problem with the school was settled. Would like to say k big thank u to DPM Wong and Alvin for the letter to the school. :D
16 March 2011
Went to AH for the last round of lidocaine infusion, calcitonin injection and Thiamine infusion.. Went there at 12pm and left at 4pm. This time round was feeling a lot better as my doctor had increased the anti-vomitting medicine. So I was feeling better and did not vomit. Just felt cramp at my stomach. Mum can to bring me home.. Mum’s ex-boss called when we were abt to leave the hospital. She said she wanted to come and visit us. So we took a cab home and her boss bought dinner for us.. Had my dinner, talked to her boss until abt 9pm. Then after her boss left, I went into my room and fell asleep soon.
17 March 2011
It was a normal day for me. I didn’t feel much discomfort from the injection and infusion. But the back and leg are still pain as usual. Woke up, had breakfast with mum, took medicine and slept again till 2 plus. Then went downstairs for a walk with mum..At night, was feeling so stressed up and sad.. so many things not settled yet, my hospital bill of 15K not settle yet, school issue still not settled, back still feeling very pain. Felt so depressed as everything is not going smooth for me after the surgery. Almost wanted to give up, but was lucky to have my friends, cousins, family and dear’s support. Cried at night as I know that with the pain that I am having at my back, I could be admitted for infusion of ketamine when I go for review on the next day (18 March) as that is the 2nd option I was given previously. I am afraid to admit in hospital again but there is not much choice as that is one of the options that could helped me get better. I felt so lost. Dunno who I should talk to though I have so many ppl there to support me. Didn’t call dear as I didn’t want him to think that I am so problematic as he also have a lot of things to do at work. I receive a call from Mike and talked to him for some time and told him my problems and fear. Cried when talking to him cos I really couldn’t control my emotions. After talking to Mike for awhile, I felt much better. Mike, thank you so much for calling me. =)
18 March 2011
Woke up quite early in the morning, had breakfast with mum at downstairs. Went home to have a rest before going for my medical appt at AH. Before going to AH, when for lunch with mum at the coffeeshop opposite the hospital. Only took abit of porridge as I did not have any appetite to eat due to the pain I am having at my back and leg.
After lunch, we went to AH for the medical appt. Waited for abt 30mins to 1 hr before seeing my doctor. Told him that I am still in quite a lot of pain. He gave me two choices again. 1) To admit and have infusion of ketamine for 7 days. 2) To bear with the pain and try to control with medication. In the end, I chose option 1 as I am in so much pain and dun wanna just keep waiting for the pain to reduce with oral medications. I hoped that I can reduce my pain fast so that I will be able to get back to normal life. So that I could go out with my dear and keep my dear company cos I have not been able to go out with him ever since my surgery. He will definitely feel bored cos no one to shop with him and keep him company. I dun want to neglect him for so long due to my back problem cos it will be very hard on him and I am afraid that he will leave me due to that. Secondly, I am already away from work for almost a month. I really hoped that the infusion can help me reduce my pain fast so that I can get back to work soon as my colleague is going for re-service in April. Thirdly, Mum, my sis, my cousins and dad is worried to see me suffer with pain for so long. Don’t want them to keep worrying for me so wanted to get better soon.
After deciding to be admitted, I went to clinic J to wait for financial counseling and wait for a bed in the ward. Waited abt 1.5 hr before there is a bed for me in Ward 7. Was brought up to ward 7 and the nurse bring me to my bed. Soon after I was admitted, the doctors and nurses came to talked to me and ask me some questions. My doctor came to see me after he was done with his clinic. Told me abt wat I will be going through and how I will be feeling. He left shortly after awhile. Then at abt 7pm, the ketamine infusion started. I am supposed to have the infusion 24 hours and for 7 days. Felt quite terrible at first as I kept feeling giddy and nausea. Didn’t have much appetite to eat and so didn’t eat much during dinner. Just felt terrible. Msg my dear that I am admitted but he was unable to come visit me as he got something on. I informed him too late, if not, he will be able to come keep me company for awhile. Also good that he didn’t come as I dun want him to rush here from work then after that will reach home late. It will be tiring for him. He told me that he will come visit me on sat.
Informed brother abt my admission, then he was quite surprise. He asked why I was admitted again. Then I explained the whole thing to him abt my nerve being damaged by the doctor who did my procedure in 2009. The brother was so angry that he asked me for my doctor’s number. I gave it to him but told him that my current doctor is not the one who damage my nerve. I msg brother remindng him not to scold my current doctor as he is good and is only trying to treat my pain and make me feel better, unlike the other doctor who did the procedure in 2009. Was happy to have a brother and sister-in-law who cares for me so much. Thanks brother and Da Sao! =D
I think I will stop here and continue my part 3 of the eventful 2 months some other time. Cos I am already feeling very tired.
Hope that you all won’t read till u sleep. Cos like super long. Good Night! =D
:: THE EVENTFUL TWO MONTHS (PART 2) ::
One day after I was discharge from PEH and 1 week after spine surgery.. I was left alone at home till ard 4plus when my mum finishes work.. Still feeling very drowsy and a lot of pain..can't remember how the pain is like, so unable to describe.. Only remembered that is pain at the whole of the lower back and left leg pain.. And legs were very weak..Didn't get out of bed much.. Only got out of bed to settle some things for school.. Was lying down while using my laptop.. Feeling was terrible.. So painful but still have to settle my school's deferment issue.. Felt totally like a handicapped person, breakfast was prepared by mum before she left for work and was also placed just beside my bed.. Only time when I am up sitting and walking was when I need to use the toilet or take food/medicines.. Other than that I will be lying on bed..
1 Mar 2011
The 9th day after operation.. Same routine for me.. Still lying on bed most of the time.. Cos still feeling pain, numbness and weakness like previous day.. Except that mum brought me to walk for awhile.. Other than that, nothing much that is different.. School's issue not settled yet.. Still waiting for responses..
2 Mar 2011
10th day after surgery.. Morning was as usual for me.. Breakfast from mum, etc... Today is the day to go for follow up with my spine doctor and pain doctor.. Dear took time off to send me to mount elizabeth hospital for my spine doctor's appt at 2.50pm.. Dear went into consultation room with me but didn't dare to look at my scar..finished consultation with my spine doctor at 3.15pm.. Made another appt to remove my stitches on 7 mar.. Received a call from my pain doctor's clinic that my appt have to be moved to 4plus or 5pm as my doctor is stucked in an operation due to some issues arising during that operation.. Have no choice but to wait.. So dear drove me to fetch mum at bishan and we had lunch at delifrance before heading back to mount elizabeth hospital to see my pain doctor.. We were just nice when we reached the clinic.. My doctor just came back.. By the the time we saw him was 4.30pm already.. Told him that I was still in pain and he reviewed my medications and made some changes to the medications I am taking.. At first dear was with me and mum in the consultation room.. But later went out to answer a call and waited outside for us.. Talked quite a lot with my doctor till ard 6plus.. Didn't check the time.. Only realised that we talked for so long after we came out from the consultation room.. Felt so bad as dear waited outside for us for a long time and he still needs to return car and get back to work...in the end dear was late for work and worked till 11plus..so heartache to see him so tired.. Sorry dear.. But was happy that dear took time off to accompany me to see doctor and also waited so long for me outside the consultation room without complaining even though he will be late when he returns to work.. Thanks a lot dear for being so caring.. Love u for all that u r doing for me.. For all ur understanding, care and concern.. Thanks mum too for accompanying me..:D reached home at 7plus and was very tired already.. Slept almost immediately after taking medications and dinner..:)
3 March 2011
11th day after surgery.. It was my sister's birthday.. Wasn't able to buy anything for her so gave her $50 as present to her..school still have not replied abt my application to defer.. Therefore nothing much to do.. So morning was still as usual but with increasing pain and weakness.. When mum came back, she bought a strawberry shortcake for cynthia's birthday.. But she accidentally dropped the cake when she just step into the house as her hands were feeling pain.. In the end the cake was smashed.. Told mum that we should get a new cake for cynthia as it was her 18th birthday.. :) so mum went all the way to west coast to buy a new similar cake..mum brought me to walk before she went to buy the cake and my legs were very weak and I gave way suddenly, falling towards the front and with the knees down.. I was lucky that it wasn't my back the was down.. After mum got the cake back, we celebrated for cynthia and after that I went to bed as I was feeling pain and weak.. At the same time very sad as I can't believe that I will be so weak that my legs gave way too.. :( can tell that mum is very guilty for my fall but I reassured her that i am fine though deep in me, I was also very scare that the fall will effect my implants and my spine.. But I didn't tell her as I dun want her to worry so much abt me.. :( felt so useless and that I am a big burden to everyone..:(
4 march 2011
12th day after surgery.. woke up in the morning feeling more pain due to the fall.. Started to feel scare but pain subsided abit after taking painkillers.. Used my com to watch dramas as I wasn't able to get out of bed to walk.. Waited till mum to be back, had dinner, medicine and sleep again..
5 march 2011
13th day after surgery.. Was still feeling a lot of pain and tightness at my back as well as my left leg..nothing seems to be able to relieve the pain and tightness.. Went down for a walk with mum even though there was pain as I can't keep lying on the bed.. My leg still feels very weak..can't remember wat else I did besides going down for a short walk and sleep.. All the medications are making me very drowsy and tired..
6 march 2011
14th day after surgery.. Feeling quite a lot of pain still but it was grandma's birthday so went to her house to celebrate her birthday for her.. Took a walking stick with me as I had a fall previously and was very afraid that I will fall again as my legs were still very weak.. When I entered grandma's house, all my aunties and uncles were shock as I was with walking stick and all started to ask abt my condition.. Repeated the whole story to them.. Didn't go for long as I wasn't feeling too well.. So went home after abt 1 to 2hours.. When I reached home, I was feeling pain and tired.. I took my medications and sleep again.. :(
7 March 2011
15th day after surgery.. Today is the day to remove my stitches.. As usual, I was alone at home in the morning.. The pain at my back is slowly getting better but the pain down my left leg is not improving at all.. The tightness is also not improving much.. Went to see my spine surgeon with my mum in the afternoon to remove the stitches.. At first I was so scare that it will hurt a lot to remove the stitches... But it was only like a small sting and the stitches were out in less than a minute.. Told my doctor that I had a fall on 3mar.. His reaction was super big.. But after examining my wound, he was more relieve.. He told me to be extra careful and not fall anymore.. And I told him that I will try.. He taught me some physio exercises and wrote a letter for me to see my physiotherapist.. We left his clinic at 4plus and took a cab back..
8 march to 10 march
16th to 18th day after surgery.. Nothing much happened.. It was just as usual, woke up in the morning took my breakfast that mum prepared for me, rested after taking the medications and waited for mum to bring lunch back to me.. After that mum would bring me for a walk.. Pain wasn't getting any better..so I called my pain doctor on 10march to ask him wat I should do..told him that I fell that day and his reaction was also the same as how my spine surgeon had reacted.. Told him that my pain is not getting better and he advised that I go to AH to see him the next day.. Was told to go for blood test in the morning first and to see him in the afternoon..
11 march 2011
Went to AH early in the morning for my blood test and went home after that to rest then went to see my pain doctor in the afternoon at ard 1.45pm.. Didn't have to wait for long as I was seen as a walk in patient and was my doctor's first case.. Told him that I am still feeling a lot of pain at my left leg as well as pain and tightness at my back.. He examined my back to make sure that the implants are still in place and to identify the painful areas of my back.. He suggested two things that I could try.. 1 is to go for 3 alternate days of calcitonin injection at the day ward to see if my nerves will be less sensitive and eventually cause me lesser pain.. 2 is to be warded for 7days to infuse ketamine for 24 hours for 7days.. I rejected the idea of admitting for 7days at that time as I have some things to settle for the deferment of my school..so I went for the 1st suggestions.. I was sent to ward 1 after that for the calcitonin injection..it felt so terrible thoughout the whole process.. Felt giddy, nausea and pain.. The whole process was just so terrible..i vomitted for 2times at ward 1 right after the injection was given to me.. My doctor came to review after that I told him that I didn't want to continue for the other 2days as I felt so terrible.. He was good and gave me a choice.. He knows that I am feeling very terrible and did not force me to continue with the other 2days of treatment.. Can see that both my doctor, the nurses and my mum were very worried for me.. I felt so terrible that I cried as I really did not understand y I should be going through all this pain.. :( I was really feeling very down and upset..but had to stay as calm as I could so that mum would not be too worried for me..:( but deep inside me, I was so scared, worried and sad and there was no one whom I can really talk to.. I was just very afraid that everyone will find me very troublesome and not bother abt me soon.. That is why I kept everything to myself and tried to show that I am calm.. But I am really not ok..:(
This is part 2 of my eventful two months.. I shall continue to blog on the part 3, 4, 5 and maybe more soon..
Each time I was suggested by my doctor with a new treatment to reduce my pain, I will have a lot of worries and fear in me.. I would fear that during the treatment/ procedure, i will feel more terrible..and fear that my pain will not reduce.. I will be worried too as I dun really know how I should explain to my family, friends and dear why I am going for this treatment/procedure when I had already undergone a surgery.. Many times I do not know how I should tell them the pain that I am having/going through and do not know if they really understand my pain.. I just hoped that they will support me all the way and support my decision and not question so much as I know wat I am doing and I am doing all the treatment/ procedure as I am still feeling the pain and I really hope that by going ahead with the treatment/ procedure that my doctor has suggested, I will feel better.. I have full confident that wat my doctor has suggested is for my good and not to harm me.. Really thankful that they had given me the support that I needed so far and I really hope that my family, friends and dear will continue to support me and not give up on me while I am now still moving very slowly on my road to recovery.. :)
My biggest fear now is fear of being a burden to anyone.. Be it a burden to my dear, my family, my friends or my colleagues.. I just can't help thinking that way as I am indeed very troublesome to everyone now.. I can't work for long, can't go out for long, can't walk for long, can't sit for long and keeps feeling pain which I dunno how long this will continue.. I really really hope that all of u will not give up on me now and will be there to support me.. I will get better only with the support from everyone.. Just need a little concern and encouragement from all of u everyday so that I could better overcome my pain each day and continue with physiotherapy.. So that I will get better soon..
Once again, I would like to thanks my family, friends, bosses and colleagues for supporting me, especially my mum, sis, bro, sis-in-law and dear..
To Dear:
Dear, I am sorry for not being able to go out/ go shopping/ spend much time with u for the last two months.. I know that u do at times feel lonely and sian.. I hope u would continue to support me and not give up on me yet.. I am already trying my very best to get better soon and this really takes time and a lot of effort for me to do so.. I know it has been a hard period for u and me for this two months.. But promise me that u will stand by me and not leave/ give up on me.. K? I really can't imagine how I will be able to continue improving and get better without u by my side as I am really loving u so much.. Hope that u can be there for me during this hardest period of my life and also for the rest of my life..thanks a lot for being so understanding and supportive so far.. Thanks for being by my side all this while to support me and walk my most difficult times together with me.. Pls continue to be there for me, k? I know that you have been very busy with your assignments and work recently and I do not want to stress you for anything.. Just want you to know that everytime I receive ur msg with words of encouragement to me, it will really brighten up my day alot..I will really try my best to get better soon..I know I am very troublesome now but please bear with me awhile more..k? Give me a chance to slowly recover so that eventually we can have a better future together..k? =p Thanks for being so understanding towards me and sorry dear for being so troublesome! loving u lots dear!:D
To Clare:
Thanks for always talking and lending me a listening ear almost everyday even though we only know each other for less than a month during our recent hospital stay at AH.. :D
To Mike:
Thanks for the encouragement you have given me all the way from the start till now. You must also Jiayou and not give up so easily..k? I will always remember all that you have done for me as a friend. Thanks alot! =D
:: THE EVENTFUL TWO MONTHS ::
It all started on 21 Feb 2011...
I got up early in the morning at 6.30am and travel to parkway east hospital with my friend to admit myself for my spine surgery at 2pm.. Reached PEH at 8am and after registering at the counter, I was brought up to level 2 for a blood test and after that I was brought to the bed and ward which I will be warded for a few days. As it was still early, I played monopoly deal with my friend while waiting for someone from the operating theater to fetch me to the operating theater at 1pm. Finally after playing for quite awhile, the trolley bed was here to bring me to the operating theater, we did not complete our last game before I went for the surgery.
My friend accompanied me till the operating theater and wished me all the best and re-assure me that I will be alright. Then my friend left. Was very touched that my friend accompanied me to the hospital so early in the morning and waited with me till I was in the operating theater. Thanks alot, friend! Not very convenient to say ur name, so I just used 'my friend' all the way..haha..hope u dun mind..=)
In the operating theatre, I was feeling scare and nervous but is confident that both my spine surgeon and my pain doctor will take good care of me and I am in good hands. Waited for my pain doctor at the waiting area, spoke to him and shortly after that, I was pushed into the operating theatre.. In the operating theatre, I got more nervous. But seeing how professional my both doctors were, I felt much better. My pain doctor inserted the iv plug on my hand without much effort and injected some medications into my veins. Soon after that, I was knocked out..the next moment I know is that the surgery is completed and my doctor is there beside me waking me up. I did not feel much pain as I was heavily on pain medications. The whole surgery was not as scary as I thought. Soon after I was awake in the recovery room in the operating theatre, I was pushed back to my bed where my family were already there waiting for me. Was feeling very drowsy and tired, didn't talk much to my family members. Just kept sleeping and only had a few mouth of porridge. After my family members left, my bestest friend, wanying and her bf came to visit me. Though I was feeling drowsy and tired, I still managed to stay awake to talk to them for awhile, guess cos it was already few hours after the GA and I was feeling more conscious when they came. Thanks wanying and darren for coming to visit me.
22 Feb 2011
One day after the operation, my surgeon came to see how I am coping and told me that the surgery were very successful, the only thing is that they found that I have a damage nerve which is near my left disc. The nerve had turned white instead of the normal blue but after he free the nerve from the ligaments pressing on it, the nerve slowly returned to less white. It was probably damaged by one of the doctor in AH who had done a minor procedure on me in 2009. I was quite upset when I heard that. I was told that the damage nerve might recover within 6 months to 1 year and if it doesn't, there is a high chance that it will remain damage forever which means that I will be feeling the pain on my left leg forever. I didn't think that much as I was still quite tired and drowsy. Ard noon, the physiotheraptist came to get me out of bed and walk me. When I tried walking, I felt the pain on my right butt, hips and leg. My family came in the evening to visit me but i was too tired and pain that i kept sleeping.
23 Feb 2011
The physiotherapist informed my spine surgeon about my pain at my right leg and my surgeon came and examined me and I was told that the pain was due to the Sacroiliac joint that is giving me the problem. He informed my pain doctor who had all along treated me for my pain as well as for my SI joint problem. I did not get out of bed to walk as I was feeling pain at my right leg and the physiotherapy thought that I should rest till further instructions were given to her by both my doctors. Dear came to keep me company in the afternoon. He took leave on that day. Bought alot of things for me..even bought kinder joy for me..=D was very happy that he was there to keep me company and to cheer and support me..=) Besides, kinder joy, he also bought me magazine with all the movies that is/will be showing soon and also orea biscuits..hahaha..
he left in the afternoon..Thanks dear for coming to keep me company and supported me all this while..=D Besides, dear who came, brother yuanxing came too to visit me with flowers from him and his two sisters too. Thanks bro for always being there to care and encourage me!! Thanks brother and sisters for the flowers. =D
I received a hamper from my colleagues in credit suisse.. Thank you so much colleagues! My colleagues came in the evening to visit me..They bought HAPPY BEARS for me and also a book from siew lin. Markus also sent his regards to me. They left shortly as they saw that I was very tired. I was really touched and happy that they came to visit me, encourage me and also bought me things even though they know that I will be away for quite some time from work and they will be more busy and stress. Hope that I did not give them much trouble due to my absence. But I guess I did as I am away for 2 months. They must be more busy..so sorry my fellow colleagues.. I felt so bad to have to be away for so long but my back and legs just didn't wanna 'behave' making me feel terrible. I will try my best to get well soon and be back soon...so sorry for all the inconvenience caused. Thanks for coming to visit me despite ur busy schedule. =)
My ex-colleague from DBS training came to see me as well. Thanks candy! =D My family were there in the evening as well, I was much alert compared to the previous two days. But when I told them that I am feeling pain at the right side, they were very worried. I told them that I would be fine but they were still worried..hahaha..They left after seeing me go to sleep.
24 Feb 2011
My pain doctor came to examine me as he was informed that I felt alot of pain at my right when I walk. He then did some tests and was convinced that it was my right SI joint that is giving the problem. He then suggested that I go for a radiofrequency abalation for my SI joint. Putting it in simple terms is to burn my nerve in the SI Joint area so that I won't feel the pain anymore. It was ard 8am that I have decided that we should do that if not I won't be able to walk normally without pain. The procedure was schedule for in the afternoon. So once again, I went into the OT. This time is not GA but I was under deep sedation. It was super amazing as I did not remember anything during the procedure.. I was 'sleeping' for the whole procedure and was only awake when my doctor wake me up once again in the recovery room informing me that the procedure is over. Shortly, I was being pushed back to my bed.
My mum and sis were in the room waiting for me when I was being pushed back to bed. They looked worried as they saw that I was very tired. I didn't actually remember much abt what happened as I was feeling so drowsy. I think brother, sis-in-law and dad came to visit me in the evening as well.. but I was too tired to remember much. cos the medicine that I was given in the operating theatre was still not wear off.
25 Feb 2011
The physiotherapist came early in the morning to see how I was doing and I got up to walk. When I started walking, I found that I was unable to walk much as my left side of the SI joint is giving me the problem after the right side was fixed.. I was abit worried when I felt that pain. My pain doctor came in the afternoon to review me and see if I am feeling better from the procedure he did on the right SI joint the previous day. But I told him that I had the left pain this time round. The previous day before he did the procedure for me on my right SI joint, both doctors tested on both sides of my SI joint and only the right was painful and the left was perfectly alright. When I told him that my left is in pain, he was abit shock as it was only a difference of a day. He suggested that we do the same to the left SI joint to solve the pain and I agreed and decided to go ahead since I am already in the hospital and was already in pain. I do not have much choice as I will be feeling the pain if I dun go ahead to decide with the procedure and I won't be able to walk properly as I will be in pain. This time, the procedure is in the evening.
When evening came, I was again pushed into the OT for the third time in the 5 days, same thing, I was in deep sedation and did not remember anything abt it. I was woken up by my doctor after the procedure informing me that all is fine now. I was then pushed back to my room. And my family was there waiting for me already and I think it was already 9plus by then. Was very very tired and wasn't able to talk much with my family just kept sleeping. I am very sure is due to all the medications given to me during the 1 GA and 2 deep sedation and also the painkillers contributed to a certain extend..
26 Feb 2011
My pain doctor came to review me and told me that if I want, I can be discharge that day. But I told him that I was still feeling alot of pain. He asked if I want to stay for a day more to infuse some medication in me for 24 hours to reduce the pain and be discharge the next day. I told him I am agreeable with his suggestion as I was still feeling pain. The medication that was infused in me was ketamine. It made me feel so tired and I slept for most of the time. My uncle came but I didn't get to see him as I was asleep and he didn't want to wake me up as he sees that I was soundly asleep. He left some tonics that he bought and just left. Thanks uncle and sorry for not waking up to say hi and thank you to u. =)
My mood has been up and down recently.. Feeling good when I feel better and bad when I feel more pain.. Upset at times when my pain increases suddenly when I felt much better for some time already...Trying very hard to cope with all this..but sometimes it's really not very easy to cope with it.. Too many things that I worried for but unable to find anyone to talk to abt it..At times, I really felt so lost and so upset..I can only bear with the pain and move on, hoping that I will feel better soon..no other choice for me I guess..='( everyday when I wake up from my sleep in the morning, I will be so afraid that my pain will increase but I can't do anything to control my fear..This two months is really terrible for me..hopefully it will end soon but I really am not confident abt that..=(
:: Putting an end to............... ::
Had just went for a minor procedure on my back on Friday and now on MC, so have time to post.. Been three days since the procedure was done.. felt quite alot of improvement in the pain.. not so pain after the procedure le..but still have to watch the posture and movement..so will have to rest at home for few more days before I return to work ba..am confident that the pain will go off slowly.. dun expect the pain to go off totally after the procedure but is confident that the doctor who did the procedure for me on Fri are able to fix my pain soon with other methods..=p Have to be patient when comes to dealing with the pain..=) But is a good start now at least feeling better now..=D
Work is so far busy for me..had already been converted from contract staff to permanent staff.. so no longer have to worry if i will have a job after 6 months.. but now that i turned permanent, will have more things to do..cos must perform well..hahaha..still trying my best to learn and contribute but sometimes still will get negative feedback from boss on and off..Will definitely feel discourage at times but that is part of learning ba..I look at it this way whereby if boss dun give u feedback, u will not be able to improve..so will take the feedback positively and learn from the mistakes made..hope i will improve and work better soon..=p
Now I shall talk about the title..I am putting an end to my relationship with my bf..Had just break up with him ytd and now I am single again after 5 months..so it's time to concentrate on career, studies and curing my back..so that i will slowly forget about the things that we had gone through this past 5 months..though is not a very long period of time..but still will think of the happy memories de ma..so will have to slowly forget abt all that and concentrate on other better things...won't say that i dun like him anymore as very hard to say dun like a person overnight..cos i not cold blooded..many issues contributed to the failure in the relationship..dragging on will cause more unhappiness and disappointment between each other..so i chose to end it now than later.. dun wanna continue anymore..
Should stop here now..will be posting again when i am free..Now got to concentrate on final yr of studies, career and also to have my back fixed first..=p
Thanks for reading the blog! Good night everyone..and oh..i will be fine de..=)
:: bad n sad week.. ::
1st.. my grandma was warded in the hospital for more than a week.. see her look so weak I so sad.. but luckily she is getting better day by day.. hope that she will recover n go back soon!
2nd.. things at work doesn't look that fine this week.. basically, my boss is quite demanding and that can be good n bad.. bad is that she will make u so stress at work till u hardly have breathing space plus pressure from colleagues, even more difficult to take it.. all demanding for things when u only have two hands and one brain to produce the work.. then worst is.. tried ur very best to learn n do as much as u can liao still kanna from them.. just new to the job one month.. then still have so many things to learn.. cos a lot still dunno.. As a new staff, when u dunno anything u will tend to ask ur seniors and listen to wat they want n do wat they want.. then in the end kanna from boss.. saying not all things they say can do.. but how would I know I can't do that when I am only two weeks old when I process that work.. feeling so discourage by all that is happening this week.. I thought that I am still doing well until I kanna from boss just now.. feel like giving up.. cos feel so demoralized.. I guess wat I need is more time.. I did think that my boss being demanding may be good.. cos I will learn more, improve and eventually be bette..but I still feel sad and disappointed by my performances this week as I really tried my very best but still not doing very well..:(
3rd.. my back seems to be giving me problem again since the operation six months back.. dunno if it's due to prolong sitting which my physiotherapist believe so.. I was told to watch my back n not sit too long as this might cause me to affect my walking if it gets worst.. been feeling pain when walking recently.. went to see my surgeon last month n he suggested another surgery which I insist to wait n see if it gets better.. hopefully I won't need another surgery.. am considering if I should quit my job.. cos I have been sitting a lot in this current job which is bad for my back.. plus getting negative feedbacks at work this week.. making me more discourage to continue.. dunno if I should give up..
4th.. relationship with bf not that smooth also.. dunno wat's wrong recently.. can't seems to really understand wat he is thinking.. while I am studying for exams, he will hope we can meet soon.. after I finish exams, and have more time for him, he began to be busy.. also dunno with wat.. cos he will just say he is busy with his things.. last time msg him he still will reply quite soon.. this few days msg nv reply.. even book out also nv let me know..even change phone no. also didn't bother to let me know..When asked why he nv tell me he said cos I scare u busy.. I know that he might be angry that everytime he msg me I am working and take very long to reply so might as well dun need to inform..But no matter how busy I am..I will still see the msg just that I can't reply very soon..at least inform me of the change in hp no. so that I know how to contact him.. Made me so worried just now..thought wat happened to him..cos msg no reply then call hp is off..at that point in time I really so scare something happen to him..untill finally I remembered him using another no to call me then I can contact him..when contacted..he just replied I scare u busy so nv tell u i change no. Then said..I thought u know I got this new no..then when I asked why dun on the other hp..he said cos dun want ppl to bother him..very sian..Haiz..I really dunno is it me who cause him to be so bother and sian..I really hope I am not the one who make him so sian..I have no choice for being busy at work..I just started new job..alot of things to familiarise, do and learn in order to keep my job..so naturally will be more busy.. I am very happy that he is very understanding for the past few months when I am busy with both work and studies and supported me all the way and not mind if we dun meet up often.. now that i am abit more free, I wanna have more time with him but seems that we still have problem catching each other's time..I dunno y..maybe is me.. maybe cos i neglected him previously when studying f0r exams then now my turn to kanna neglected..But i dun even know when he will book out cos nowadays when I ask him he also nv reply or tell me..Like that how to make time to meet up..I really dunno how..I hope our relationship will get better..=(
Think that's all I wanna say for today..cos very tired after 12 hours of work today..plus so many things happened today..going to rest le..hope the next time I blog will be for good and happy things..lastly..hope ah ma will get well soon and hope my back will get better and not worst..
I know that sometimes u feel neglected but I have no choice..I am already trying my best to spend more time with u..but recently I really feel very insecure..I have a feeling that you will leave me soon and u will give up on this relationship..Nowadays, I can only know how u doing through facebook cos u dun reply when I msg u..I dun want to know ur things only through facebook..i hope to know ur things through u telling me..even if I am busy, u can still msg me to let me know..I will still reply after work..I dunno if something went wrong between us..if yes, speak up..waiting for u to tell me wat happened to u recently..='(
:: Day 1 of 2010 ::
2009 ended too soon!! Looking back, 2009 wasn’t a very good year for me, especially for my health. In the beginning of year 2009, found out that I had thalassemia and slipped discs. Then my slipped discs worsen and went for operation on my spine in Sept and Nov. It was a painful and scary experience but I am glad that I had overcome all of them n now on the road to recovery. My doctor told me that although I had the operation but it might not totally cure my slipped discs. I still have to be extra careful and take good care of my back as it might come back if I am not careful enough. But at least the operation had relieved much of my back pain and numbness in my leg and toes. Till now will still feel a little numbness in my toes but I can feel that my condition had improved a lot compared to before the operations. Let’s just hope that my back condition will be better in 2010. =)
Although 2009 wasn’t a good year for me in terms of health, but there were still some good things for me to remember. =p Got my driving license on 2nd June 2009, went for my 2nd WMC trip with Mus’ Art Wind and had lots of fun in Netherlands. Really misses the place so much. Wonder if I will have a chance too go back there again!! Really love Mus’ Art Wind a lot. Was talking to Desmond ytd before the countdown. Told him that in the first place I didn’t expect myself to stay so long in Mus’ Art. Looking back, I am with them for 5 years plus le..had so much of fun n laughter there..n I had learnt a lot there as well. N I am very happy to see that the percussion section so united now. From the always changing group of ppl for different concert to the fixed group of ppl now..Really happy to know and have this group of friends in percussion section now!! I love all of you!! Let’s continue to stay united and enjoy playing good music! =p
Another happy moments in 2009 is that my brother and his gf finally ROM!! Hahaha..so happy for them..waited very long for this moment. My mama also very happy. Cos she gt a good daughter-in-law!!haha..looking forward to their wedding ceremony..I love my family!! Especially mama and sis!!=p
And lastly, I am also happy that I am doing well in SIM for my degree. Still have 3 semesters to go before I graduate. So will work hard to achieve a good result! So 2010 will be a busy year for me as I want to spend more time studying to get good grades!!haha..=p
Overall 2009 was an eventful year for me..alot of memorable moments..hahaha..Really hope that 2010 will be a better year for all my friends, families and myself. I believe that if I work hard, 2010 will be a better year for me!! Hahaha..
I hope to achieve more things in 2010. I hope..
· to get good grades for all my exams,
· that my back will improve and be better,
· for good health,
· that my family will always be happy and stay healthy,
· to bring my mama to Hong Kong or Taiwan for a short holiday
· that I will excel at work and earn more money
· to get into a stable relationship
· and that friends and families around me is happy, healthy and good!!=p
It’s a very long post…hahaha..Once again HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!! N let’s all work towards to achieve what we really want to!! =p