Be True To Urself !!!!

Updates on my life in this half a year.......

2011-11-04T00:56:00.004+08:00

It's been half a year since I last blogged. Finally finished my final sem exams..think i did very badly.. Just hoping that I will get a pass grade and nothing much.. I tried my best already..Tried very hard to concentrate for this final sem exams but somehow wasn't as productive as before my op.. Guess because I am still on medication daily...haiz..although finish exams le but feeling sad cos didn't do well and fear that I would fail the papers. I really pray and hope not..

This half a year I had experienced alot more things, changes around me and in me. Happy memories, sad memories and all sorts of memories..I am really glad that I am able to handle them and still hanging on.. It's been really a tough 6 months for me.. I am grateful that I had the Dharma, my family, cousins, relatives, friends and colleagues, all with me supporting and guiding me through all the different situations that I had experience.

Here are some of the things that had happened to me and around me:

1) Back Condition

The condition of my back pain is still bothering me but I would say that there are some improvements after the few more minor procedures that I had done from Feb op till now. Can't really remember how many times I went into the operating theatre this year (but probably 6 times?!) hmmm.. that seems too often.. but glad that there are improvements. I do still pain but the pain is under control most of the times except when I feel too stress or worked too hard..=) I am really grateful that both my doctors are very good and am glad that my pain is in control under their care.. Thanks alot for that! =) I am now currently still on follow up and I doubt I will be discharge from follow-up any time soon..Shall just be patience and slowing strengthen my back muscles and hope that it will help.. Now that exams are over, I can have abit more time to rest.. so that is good for me..=D

2) Work

Work is still so far so good except that sometimes will be frustrated due to too many work to be completed plus having back pain. But I am glad that my colleagues and bosses are all very understanding and told me not to worry so much and do things at my own comfortable pace. One of my colleagues always tells me this: " Work will nv be completed, if work can be completed, then you will have to worry as that means the company does need you anymore.." I agree with her, if one day you complete your work and find that there is nothing more for you to help around the office, then you have to be careful le..hahaha..hope I didn't scare anyone reading my blog with that sentence. Overall, I still enjoy working in my current bank and I love my colleagues..Thanks colleagues for being so understanding to me! I am really grateful for tha!=D

3) Relationship

Just broke up with Shaun 7 weeks ago. We knew each other since I was 16 years old and only finally got together last Nov..We were together for abt 10 months and broke up after that. If I say that I am not sad and feeling perfectly fine, then I will be lying.. Still feeling sad and heartbroken, everytime I walked past those places we have been to, I will think of him. I really misses him alot.

Shaun, if you are reading my blog, I would like to say that A BIG THANK U to you for all the good memories that we had together. This will forever be kept and locked in a corner of my heart. I know it has been hard for you to accept that so many things are happening to me. I accept your request to break up not because I have stopped loving you, it is because I love you alot and wanted you to be happy. If being together with me doesn't brings you much happiness or make you happy, then I would rather we break up as I want you to be happy.. I really hope that one day we can be back to how we were before we got together, that kind of friendship is really hard to come and I really do not wish to lose that. Maybe you needed some time to cool off before you can continue to be my friend. I will wait for that day to come. All I asked for is that one day we will be back as friends like how we were before we got together. Don't worry, I will not ask for your love for me anymore as I know that I can't give you that kind of happiness that you are looking for. I just hoped that you had really once loved me and that all the things that you have told me when we were together were true. I am sorry if you had felt that I have neglected due to things that are happening to me and around me. But I just want you to know that there are just some things that are not within my control.. nobody wanted all that unfortunate incidents to happen, I didn't have a choice to it.. If I have a choice, I would nv want those unfortunate incidents to happen. Think I shouldn't be saying so much abt this now, cos it's no point anymore. I just wished and hoped that you and your family will stay happy and healthy always.. And thanks for all the support and memories you have given me. I am grateful for having you by my side for that 10 months. Thank you friend. I will wait for the day when you are ready to meet up and be friends with me again. I will wait for your SMS..=D

4) Family matters

Things at home wasn't that good but I know that it will gradually get better as times goes by. My mum fell on 31 May and broke her ankle suffering from severe ankle fracture which requires surgery. She now has two metal rods and six screws in her leg. Good thing is that she is recovering well from that surgery and is now back to work. =)

Next thing that happened and impacted my life is that my grandma was diagnosed with last stage of lungs cancer on 8 Sept 2011. The doctor told us at that time that she is left with 3 to 6 months of life span. This is really difficult for me to take it and accept it as I nv had thought that this would have happened to my dearest Grandma. Initially, it was really difficult for me to accept it as I would nv have thought that she is going to end up spending her last few months in pain and suffering. I know and understand that all ppl have to die at one point in time and no exception for my loved ones. I was brought up by my mum and grandma and I am very attached to both my mum and grandma. So when I heard that grandma is diagnosed with last stage of lungs cancer, I really broke down.. I told myself that I must remain calm so that I could support my dad, mum and younger sis but I really can't stop my tears.. The thought of her going to leave this world makes me feel sad. But I told myself that I have to be prepared for that so that I will be able to support my family and go through this together. I am now feeling better and are spending as much time with her as possible. This is because that is the only thing i can do for her now. She watched me grow up, taught me well and loved me so much. This is the time I give her the best that I can afford and that is to spend more time with her. I hoped and pray that she will not be in pain when she pass on. Grandma, I would like to say, thank you for bring me up and for loving your children and grandchildren so much. Thanks for all that you have contributed to the family. And lastly, I really love u so much. Our whole family loves you so much!!

Few days after I know of my grandma's medical condition, I received news that one of my cousin met with an accident in Thailand and had passed away. This was really a very great blow to me as I am still struggling to accept the fact that my grandma is diagnosed with last stage cancer. I really broke down when I heard of that news. He is such a young and handsome guy and had a bright future ahead and he is gone just like that. And the day he passed on happened to be a day before his birthday, so this is even more saddening. I really can't believe that he has gone to a better place just like that. I tried to control my emotions so as not to aggrievate my back condition but I really can't control my tears and emotions. This is really too much for me to take it. My heart is aching so much. Few days before he passed on, I was still talking to another cousin about him and few days later he is gone. Each time I think of him, my heart will ache and I will feel sad.. Really hope time will make me feel better. Bro, I miss u so much and I hope that you are resting in peace in a better place now. You will always be in our memories. Thanks for care and concern you have shown to me. We love you and may you rest in peace in a better place now.

I would also like to wish that all my family members, mum, dad, sis, bro, sis-in-laws, aunties, uncles and cousins will get over this as time goes by.. May all of us be well, happy, healthy and peaceful.

After so many things that had happened to me and around me, I felt that I have grown up and I am stronger and able to handle my own emotions better. I understand that we must always cherish our loved ones and everyone around us before it's too late. Always show care, concern and be good to our loved ones and everyone around us so that we will not regret.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Mike for being there for me all the time when I am feeling troubled, sad and happy. Thanks for always being there for me when I needed someone the most. Thanks for always being the first to reach out to me when I needed someone. For all that you have done, I know that you are really a true friend to me who will always be there for me during good and bad times..Thanks alot Mike!! Without u supporting and listening to me, I would not have been able to stay strong till now. =D

I would also like to thank mum, dad, sis, bro, sis-in-law, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends colleagues and all that who had helped and supported me during my toughest 6 months. Thank you!! (",)

It's getting very late now, I have to go and sleep now as I will be going back to work today..=)

Will come in to update my blog again when I am free. =D

To my dear

2011-05-21T00:33:00.002+08:00

Sorry everyone, this post is not meant for u all.. only meant for my dear.

Dear, I dunno what is happening between us. I wanted to talk to u abt it but u wanted to talk only after ur exams. So I respect ur decision to only talk after ur exams. Os I know u dun want to be affected by this. But promise me that u will really have a good talk with me after ur exams..k?

It was so difficult for us to get together and finally we managed to get together after knowing each other for 7 yrs. I miss u so so much and I am so in love with u. This few days I have been thinking of u, thinking of the things we had done together, the things that u told me, looking at the gifts u have bought for me and how romantic u were during valentine’s day. I remember all the things u told me on the day that we got together as well as the things that u told me after we got together. The words u said and the things u do were all so sweet. I am really enjoying every moment I am with u and I feel very comfortable when I am with u..Hope u are feeling comfortable and enjoying my company too.

I have also been thinking abt what I have done wrong that made u react this way. We were still alright on my birthday. I really hoped that I did not do anything wrong to make u not talk to me and meet me. I hope u will let me know what is wrong and give each other one more chance to try to mend our relationship. Dun give up on me so soon, k?

I know that it has been hard for u to be alone for the past 2 months cos I wasn’t able to keep u company and so had neglected u. I am sincerely sorry for that. But I really had no choice cos my I am still recovering from my surgery and so I wasn’t able to go out for long and my legs were still very weak for the past 2 months. I know that if I were to go out with u during that period, I will be a burden to u. Now that I am feeling a lot better and can finally keep u company, u started to not talk to me much and not meet me for now. I really hope u will let me know wat is wrong. If it’s my problem, I will change. If u think we are facing any difficulties that have prevented us to move on, let me know. I will be there to support you and overcome all obstacles that we have together so that we can move on together.

I will really feel very depressed and sad if we were to give up on this relationship so soon. Hope after u had thought it through, u will give me a chance to be there for u to overcome all obstacles that we have together. I am feeling a lot better now and are still trying my very best to reduce more of my pain soon so that we can have a better future ahead of us. So please dun give up on me now. U are the one who keeps me going during my toughest period after my surgery. Without ur support and without u, I dun think I will be able to get through those painful and tough times I had after the surgery, cos u are the one I love most. Even though u are not there physically to support me, I know that u are always there giving me morale support during my surgery and after my surgery and that morale support from you together with my family members support, keeps me going till now. Thanks for being so wonderful and understanding for the period when I am recovering from my surgery.

I really would love to move on together with u to build our future together. So please give each other a chance to do that, k? Dun give up on this relationship so easily, k? I believe most of the couples will face a lot of problems and obstacles during the relationship. And it is through all the problems and obstacles that made them know each other better and move on together to solve each problem and finally get married. I hope we will also be able to do that too by having a good chat after ur exams and try to sort things out and move on together rather than just giving up on this relationship.

Lastly, I would like to tell u that I love u very much and miss u a lot. No matter wat happen to u, I just want u to know that I will always be there for u. I hoped that u will give me a chance to be there for u just like how supported me during my toughest period. Take care and jiayou for ur last paper..k? =D U can do it de! =) I LOVE U! =D

My eventful 2 months (part 2)

2011-05-21T00:31:00.001+08:00

12 march 2011

It was one of the bad day for me as I was still feeling nausea from the injection on 11 march 2011.. Only stayed at home. But the good thing is that dear came over to my house after his work at 1plus. Cos I wanted to buy a new laptop. He came with lots of brochures for me to look and choose. Took quite a lot of time choosing the laptop. Cos everything looks good and ok.. Finally after discussion with dear and my mum, we have decided on the dell laptop..:) after deciding, dear and I went downstairs for food.. Cos poor him, he haven't eaten his lunch.. He came right after work and I took so long to choose the laptop. During the lunch, he told me that he had considered and looked through the BTO in hdb website. And he thinks that we can try. I was so happy and delighted that he said that. After his lunch, he went back to my house. My sis called and said that she is at town and is coming back to meet dear to go IT fair to get the laptop. Then we told sis to stay there instead and dear will make his way to cityhall to meet her.. So after some time, dear left my house to meet my sis.. Was happy that dear is so wonderful. :D thanks dear for all ur effort to go down to get the laptop for me. Thanks sis too!:D while dear and sis went to get the laptop, I stayed at home studying for a test as there is a online test that day. I tried to login several times but was unable to login msg to checked with lecturer. He said that my name is not in the list so I couldn't login and that there is nothing he can do.. The way he puts it is so irritating and rude. And he is a lecturer.. 2nd aunty also came to visit me with uncle richard. Sis came back at abt 9pm with the new laptop. Was so excited and took the laptop out to figure how to do the set up of the laptop for the first time. Sis told me that dear had not taken dinner, felt so bad cos he went to get the laptop for me and so very late haven't take dinner. Thanks dear, love u for everything u have done for me! Thanks for being so understanding, caring and loving towards me! :D Really hope we can build a family and grow old together! :D love u lots dear!:)

13 march 2011

It was just a normal day. Still feeling pain as usual. Woke up with breakfast all prepared for me. Thanks mum! Woke up and took my breakfast then went to use my new laptop. :D had my lunch at 2plus then. Nothing much happened on this day.. Only the usual thing..:D

14 march 2011

Today it is the day I dislike. Cos it's the day I have to go for my 2nd dose the infusion and jab.. I called my doc and told him that I do not want to go cos the feeling was so terrible then he suggested that I do the infusion only. So I agreed to go for it. Went to visit grandma and bring her out for breakfast before going to AH for the infusion. After breakfast with ah ma, her maid brought her home and we made our way to AH.

When I reached AH ward 1, everyone knows me and was calling my name. They had already prepared the machines that I need even before I come. Lie on the bed for 2hours waiting for the infusion to get into me. The infusion was only 1hour and I needed to be observe for 1 hour before I can go. This time round wasn't that bad. Still not feeling as bad. At least I did not feel nausea and vomit this time round. After 2hours, mum brought me back and I slept till dinner was ready. Ate the dinner and slept again till morning. Was so tired maybe cos of the infusion.

15 march 2011

Went to physiotherapy in the morning with mum accompanying me.. Mum waited patiently for me to finish physiotherapy and after that, we went for some food. Can't really remember wat we ate.. Only know that we went to jurong point to eat..

After eating, we went home as weining is coming to our house in the afternoon to play. Her birthday is on 21 march and so we celebrated her birthday in advance for her.. We bought a present and balloon for her as well as cake.. Can see that she is really happy to come to our place to play.. She played my drumset for awhile and went to use my new laptop. Took quite a feel pics with my new laptop's webcam. Weining is so clever, she was the one who taught us how to take pictures using our webcam and upload immediately on fb. Ordered pizza for dinner and after eating, ning continued using the laptop with my sis.

I left home with mum at 7pm to settle my school stuff. When to bishan to ask DPM Wong to help me write a letter to SIM. My mentor, Alvin helped me with the writing of letter before I get to see DPM Wong to tell him my problem with the school. Saw DPM Wong after awhile and went home at ard 9plus.

The letter that DPM Wong had signed off was very effective.. My school responded fast to the letter and within a few days, my problem with the school was settled. Would like to say k big thank u to DPM Wong and Alvin for the letter to the school. :D

16 March 2011

Went to AH for the last round of lidocaine infusion, calcitonin injection and Thiamine infusion.. Went there at 12pm and left at 4pm. This time round was feeling a lot better as my doctor had increased the anti-vomitting medicine. So I was feeling better and did not vomit. Just felt cramp at my stomach. Mum can to bring me home.. Mum’s ex-boss called when we were abt to leave the hospital. She said she wanted to come and visit us. So we took a cab home and her boss bought dinner for us.. Had my dinner, talked to her boss until abt 9pm. Then after her boss left, I went into my room and fell asleep soon.

17 March 2011

It was a normal day for me. I didn’t feel much discomfort from the injection and infusion. But the back and leg are still pain as usual. Woke up, had breakfast with mum, took medicine and slept again till 2 plus. Then went downstairs for a walk with mum..At night, was feeling so stressed up and sad.. so many things not settled yet, my hospital bill of 15K not settle yet, school issue still not settled, back still feeling very pain. Felt so depressed as everything is not going smooth for me after the surgery. Almost wanted to give up, but was lucky to have my friends, cousins, family and dear’s support. Cried at night as I know that with the pain that I am having at my back, I could be admitted for infusion of ketamine when I go for review on the next day (18 March) as that is the 2nd option I was given previously. I am afraid to admit in hospital again but there is not much choice as that is one of the options that could helped me get better. I felt so lost. Dunno who I should talk to though I have so many ppl there to support me. Didn’t call dear as I didn’t want him to think that I am so problematic as he also have a lot of things to do at work. I receive a call from Mike and talked to him for some time and told him my problems and fear. Cried when talking to him cos I really couldn’t control my emotions. After talking to Mike for awhile, I felt much better. Mike, thank you so much for calling me. =)

18 March 2011

Woke up quite early in the morning, had breakfast with mum at downstairs. Went home to have a rest before going for my medical appt at AH. Before going to AH, when for lunch with mum at the coffeeshop opposite the hospital. Only took abit of porridge as I did not have any appetite to eat due to the pain I am having at my back and leg.

After lunch, we went to AH for the medical appt. Waited for abt 30mins to 1 hr before seeing my doctor. Told him that I am still in quite a lot of pain. He gave me two choices again. 1) To admit and have infusion of ketamine for 7 days. 2) To bear with the pain and try to control with medication. In the end, I chose option 1 as I am in so much pain and dun wanna just keep waiting for the pain to reduce with oral medications. I hoped that I can reduce my pain fast so that I will be able to get back to normal life. So that I could go out with my dear and keep my dear company cos I have not been able to go out with him ever since my surgery. He will definitely feel bored cos no one to shop with him and keep him company. I dun want to neglect him for so long due to my back problem cos it will be very hard on him and I am afraid that he will leave me due to that. Secondly, I am already away from work for almost a month. I really hoped that the infusion can help me reduce my pain fast so that I can get back to work soon as my colleague is going for re-service in April. Thirdly, Mum, my sis, my cousins and dad is worried to see me suffer with pain for so long. Don’t want them to keep worrying for me so wanted to get better soon.

After deciding to be admitted, I went to clinic J to wait for financial counseling and wait for a bed in the ward. Waited abt 1.5 hr before there is a bed for me in Ward 7. Was brought up to ward 7 and the nurse bring me to my bed. Soon after I was admitted, the doctors and nurses came to talked to me and ask me some questions. My doctor came to see me after he was done with his clinic. Told me abt wat I will be going through and how I will be feeling. He left shortly after awhile. Then at abt 7pm, the ketamine infusion started. I am supposed to have the infusion 24 hours and for 7 days. Felt quite terrible at first as I kept feeling giddy and nausea. Didn’t have much appetite to eat and so didn’t eat much during dinner. Just felt terrible. Msg my dear that I am admitted but he was unable to come visit me as he got something on. I informed him too late, if not, he will be able to come keep me company for awhile. Also good that he didn’t come as I dun want him to rush here from work then after that will reach home late. It will be tiring for him. He told me that he will come visit me on sat.

Informed brother abt my admission, then he was quite surprise. He asked why I was admitted again. Then I explained the whole thing to him abt my nerve being damaged by the doctor who did my procedure in 2009. The brother was so angry that he asked me for my doctor’s number. I gave it to him but told him that my current doctor is not the one who damage my nerve. I msg brother remindng him not to scold my current doctor as he is good and is only trying to treat my pain and make me feel better, unlike the other doctor who did the procedure in 2009. Was happy to have a brother and sister-in-law who cares for me so much. Thanks brother and Da Sao! =D

I think I will stop here and continue my part 3 of the eventful 2 months some other time. Cos I am already feeling very tired.

Hope that you all won’t read till u sleep. Cos like super long. Good Night! =D

THE EVENTFUL TWO MONTHS (PART 2)

2011-04-25T22:07:00.003+08:00

28 feb 2011

One day after I was discharge from PEH and 1 week after spine surgery.. I was left alone at home till ard 4plus when my mum finishes work.. Still feeling very drowsy and a lot of pain..can't remember how the pain is like, so unable to describe.. Only remembered that is pain at the whole of the lower back and left leg pain.. And legs were very weak..Didn't get out of bed much.. Only got out of bed to settle some things for school.. Was lying down while using my laptop.. Feeling was terrible.. So painful but still have to settle my school's deferment issue.. Felt totally like a handicapped person, breakfast was prepared by mum before she left for work and was also placed just beside my bed.. Only time when I am up sitting and walking was when I need to use the toilet or take food/medicines.. Other than that I will be lying on bed..

1 Mar 2011

The 9th day after operation.. Same routine for me.. Still lying on bed most of the time.. Cos still feeling pain, numbness and weakness like previous day.. Except that mum brought me to walk for awhile.. Other than that, nothing much that is different.. School's issue not settled yet.. Still waiting for responses..

2 Mar 2011

10th day after surgery.. Morning was as usual for me.. Breakfast from mum, etc... Today is the day to go for follow up with my spine doctor and pain doctor.. Dear took time off to send me to mount elizabeth hospital for my spine doctor's appt at 2.50pm.. Dear went into consultation room with me but didn't dare to look at my scar..finished consultation with my spine doctor at 3.15pm.. Made another appt to remove my stitches on 7 mar.. Received a call from my pain doctor's clinic that my appt have to be moved to 4plus or 5pm as my doctor is stucked in an operation due to some issues arising during that operation.. Have no choice but to wait.. So dear drove me to fetch mum at bishan and we had lunch at delifrance before heading back to mount elizabeth hospital to see my pain doctor.. We were just nice when we reached the clinic.. My doctor just came back.. By the the time we saw him was 4.30pm already.. Told him that I was still in pain and he reviewed my medications and made some changes to the medications I am taking.. At first dear was with me and mum in the consultation room.. But later went out to answer a call and waited outside for us.. Talked quite a lot with my doctor till ard 6plus.. Didn't check the time.. Only realised that we talked for so long after we came out from the consultation room.. Felt so bad as dear waited outside for us for a long time and he still needs to return car and get back to work...in the end dear was late for work and worked till 11plus..so heartache to see him so tired.. Sorry dear.. But was happy that dear took time off to accompany me to see doctor and also waited so long for me outside the consultation room without complaining even though he will be late when he returns to work.. Thanks a lot dear for being so caring.. Love u for all that u r doing for me.. For all ur understanding, care and concern.. Thanks mum too for accompanying me..:D reached home at 7plus and was very tired already.. Slept almost immediately after taking medications and dinner..:)

3 March 2011

11th day after surgery.. It was my sister's birthday.. Wasn't able to buy anything for her so gave her $50 as present to her..school still have not replied abt my application to defer.. Therefore nothing much to do.. So morning was still as usual but with increasing pain and weakness.. When mum came back, she bought a strawberry shortcake for cynthia's birthday.. But she accidentally dropped the cake when she just step into the house as her hands were feeling pain.. In the end the cake was smashed.. Told mum that we should get a new cake for cynthia as it was her 18th birthday.. :) so mum went all the way to west coast to buy a new similar cake..mum brought me to walk before she went to buy the cake and my legs were very weak and I gave way suddenly, falling towards the front and with the knees down.. I was lucky that it wasn't my back the was down.. After mum got the cake back, we celebrated for cynthia and after that I went to bed as I was feeling pain and weak.. At the same time very sad as I can't believe that I will be so weak that my legs gave way too.. :( can tell that mum is very guilty for my fall but I reassured her that i am fine though deep in me, I was also very scare that the fall will effect my implants and my spine.. But I didn't tell her as I dun want her to worry so much abt me.. :( felt so useless and that I am a big burden to everyone..:(

4 march 2011

12th day after surgery.. woke up in the morning feeling more pain due to the fall.. Started to feel scare but pain subsided abit after taking painkillers.. Used my com to watch dramas as I wasn't able to get out of bed to walk.. Waited till mum to be back, had dinner, medicine and sleep again..

5 march 2011

13th day after surgery.. Was still feeling a lot of pain and tightness at my back as well as my left leg..nothing seems to be able to relieve the pain and tightness.. Went down for a walk with mum even though there was pain as I can't keep lying on the bed.. My leg still feels very weak..can't remember wat else I did besides going down for a short walk and sleep.. All the medications are making me very drowsy and tired..

6 march 2011

14th day after surgery.. Feeling quite a lot of pain still but it was grandma's birthday so went to her house to celebrate her birthday for her.. Took a walking stick with me as I had a fall previously and was very afraid that I will fall again as my legs were still very weak.. When I entered grandma's house, all my aunties and uncles were shock as I was with walking stick and all started to ask abt my condition.. Repeated the whole story to them.. Didn't go for long as I wasn't feeling too well.. So went home after abt 1 to 2hours.. When I reached home, I was feeling pain and tired.. I took my medications and sleep again.. :(

7 March 2011

15th day after surgery.. Today is the day to remove my stitches.. As usual, I was alone at home in the morning.. The pain at my back is slowly getting better but the pain down my left leg is not improving at all.. The tightness is also not improving much.. Went to see my spine surgeon with my mum in the afternoon to remove the stitches.. At first I was so scare that it will hurt a lot to remove the stitches... But it was only like a small sting and the stitches were out in less than a minute.. Told my doctor that I had a fall on 3mar.. His reaction was super big.. But after examining my wound, he was more relieve.. He told me to be extra careful and not fall anymore.. And I told him that I will try.. He taught me some physio exercises and wrote a letter for me to see my physiotherapist.. We left his clinic at 4plus and took a cab back..

8 march to 10 march

16th to 18th day after surgery.. Nothing much happened.. It was just as usual, woke up in the morning took my breakfast that mum prepared for me, rested after taking the medications and waited for mum to bring lunch back to me.. After that mum would bring me for a walk.. Pain wasn't getting any better..so I called my pain doctor on 10march to ask him wat I should do..told him that I fell that day and his reaction was also the same as how my spine surgeon had reacted.. Told him that my pain is not getting better and he advised that I go to AH to see him the next day.. Was told to go for blood test in the morning first and to see him in the afternoon..

11 march 2011

Went to AH early in the morning for my blood test and went home after that to rest then went to see my pain doctor in the afternoon at ard 1.45pm.. Didn't have to wait for long as I was seen as a walk in patient and was my doctor's first case.. Told him that I am still feeling a lot of pain at my left leg as well as pain and tightness at my back.. He examined my back to make sure that the implants are still in place and to identify the painful areas of my back.. He suggested two things that I could try.. 1 is to go for 3 alternate days of calcitonin injection at the day ward to see if my nerves will be less sensitive and eventually cause me lesser pain.. 2 is to be warded for 7days to infuse ketamine for 24 hours for 7days.. I rejected the idea of admitting for 7days at that time as I have some things to settle for the deferment of my school..so I went for the 1st suggestions.. I was sent to ward 1 after that for the calcitonin injection..it felt so terrible thoughout the whole process.. Felt giddy, nausea and pain.. The whole process was just so terrible..i vomitted for 2times at ward 1 right after the injection was given to me.. My doctor came to review after that I told him that I didn't want to continue for the other 2days as I felt so terrible.. He was good and gave me a choice.. He knows that I am feeling very terrible and did not force me to continue with the other 2days of treatment.. Can see that both my doctor, the nurses and my mum were very worried for me.. I felt so terrible that I cried as I really did not understand y I should be going through all this pain.. :( I was really feeling very down and upset..but had to stay as calm as I could so that mum would not be too worried for me..:( but deep inside me, I was so scared, worried and sad and there was no one whom I can really talk to.. I was just very afraid that everyone will find me very troublesome and not bother abt me soon.. That is why I kept everything to myself and tried to show that I am calm.. But I am really not ok..:(

This is part 2 of my eventful two months.. I shall continue to blog on the part 3, 4, 5 and maybe more soon..

Each time I was suggested by my doctor with a new treatment to reduce my pain, I will have a lot of worries and fear in me.. I would fear that during the treatment/ procedure, i will feel more terrible..and fear that my pain will not reduce.. I will be worried too as I dun really know how I should explain to my family, friends and dear why I am going for this treatment/procedure when I had already undergone a surgery.. Many times I do not know how I should tell them the pain that I am having/going through and do not know if they really understand my pain.. I just hoped that they will support me all the way and support my decision and not question so much as I know wat I am doing and I am doing all the treatment/ procedure as I am still feeling the pain and I really hope that by going ahead with the treatment/ procedure that my doctor has suggested, I will feel better.. I have full confident that wat my doctor has suggested is for my good and not to harm me.. Really thankful that they had given me the support that I needed so far and I really hope that my family, friends and dear will continue to support me and not give up on me while I am now still moving very slowly on my road to recovery.. :)

My biggest fear now is fear of being a burden to anyone.. Be it a burden to my dear, my family, my friends or my colleagues.. I just can't help thinking that way as I am indeed very troublesome to everyone now.. I can't work for long, can't go out for long, can't walk for long, can't sit for long and keeps feeling pain which I dunno how long this will continue.. I really really hope that all of u will not give up on me now and will be there to support me.. I will get better only with the support from everyone.. Just need a little concern and encouragement from all of u everyday so that I could better overcome my pain each day and continue with physiotherapy.. So that I will get better soon..

Once again, I would like to thanks my family, friends, bosses and colleagues for supporting me, especially my mum, sis, bro, sis-in-law and dear..

To Dear:

Dear, I am sorry for not being able to go out/ go shopping/ spend much time with u for the last two months.. I know that u do at times feel lonely and sian.. I hope u would continue to support me and not give up on me yet.. I am already trying my very best to get better soon and this really takes time and a lot of effort for me to do so.. I know it has been a hard period for u and me for this two months.. But promise me that u will stand by me and not leave/ give up on me.. K? I really can't imagine how I will be able to continue improving and get better without u by my side as I am really loving u so much.. Hope that u can be there for me during this hardest period of my life and also for the rest of my life..thanks a lot for being so understanding and supportive so far.. Thanks for being by my side all this while to support me and walk my most difficult times together with me.. Pls continue to be there for me, k? I know that you have been very busy with your assignments and work recently and I do not want to stress you for anything.. Just want you to know that everytime I receive ur msg with words of encouragement to me, it will really brighten up my day alot..I will really try my best to get better soon..I know I am very troublesome now but please bear with me awhile more..k? Give me a chance to slowly recover so that eventually we can have a better future together..k? =p Thanks for being so understanding towards me and sorry dear for being so troublesome! loving u lots dear!:D

To Clare:

Thanks for always talking and lending me a listening ear almost everyday even though we only know each other for less than a month during our recent hospital stay at AH.. :D

To Mike:

Thanks for the encouragement you have given me all the way from the start till now. You must also Jiayou and not give up so easily..k? I will always remember all that you have done for me as a friend. Thanks alot! =D

THE EVENTFUL TWO MONTHS

2011-04-21T12:03:00.006+08:00

Read my blog and it been a long time since i blogged. Been wanting to blog but do not have the time to do so or rather do not have the energy to do so. It will take me a super long time to blog on my eventful two months from the day I was admitted to Parkway east hospital for my spine operation..

It all started on 21 Feb 2011...

I got up early in the morning at 6.30am and travel to parkway east hospital with my friend to admit myself for my spine surgery at 2pm.. Reached PEH at 8am and after registering at the counter, I was brought up to level 2 for a blood test and after that I was brought to the bed and ward which I will be warded for a few days. As it was still early, I played monopoly deal with my friend while waiting for someone from the operating theater to fetch me to the operating theater at 1pm. Finally after playing for quite awhile, the trolley bed was here to bring me to the operating theater, we did not complete our last game before I went for the surgery.

My friend accompanied me till the operating theater and wished me all the best and re-assure me that I will be alright. Then my friend left. Was very touched that my friend accompanied me to the hospital so early in the morning and waited with me till I was in the operating theater. Thanks alot, friend! Not very convenient to say ur name, so I just used 'my friend' all the way..haha..hope u dun mind..=)

In the operating theatre, I was feeling scare and nervous but is confident that both my spine surgeon and my pain doctor will take good care of me and I am in good hands. Waited for my pain doctor at the waiting area, spoke to him and shortly after that, I was pushed into the operating theatre.. In the operating theatre, I got more nervous. But seeing how professional my both doctors were, I felt much better. My pain doctor inserted the iv plug on my hand without much effort and injected some medications into my veins. Soon after that, I was knocked out..the next moment I know is that the surgery is completed and my doctor is there beside me waking me up. I did not feel much pain as I was heavily on pain medications. The whole surgery was not as scary as I thought. Soon after I was awake in the recovery room in the operating theatre, I was pushed back to my bed where my family were already there waiting for me. Was feeling very drowsy and tired, didn't talk much to my family members. Just kept sleeping and only had a few mouth of porridge. After my family members left, my bestest friend, wanying and her bf came to visit me. Though I was feeling drowsy and tired, I still managed to stay awake to talk to them for awhile, guess cos it was already few hours after the GA and I was feeling more conscious when they came. Thanks wanying and darren for coming to visit me.

22 Feb 2011

One day after the operation, my surgeon came to see how I am coping and told me that the surgery were very successful, the only thing is that they found that I have a damage nerve which is near my left disc. The nerve had turned white instead of the normal blue but after he free the nerve from the ligaments pressing on it, the nerve slowly returned to less white. It was probably damaged by one of the doctor in AH who had done a minor procedure on me in 2009. I was quite upset when I heard that. I was told that the damage nerve might recover within 6 months to 1 year and if it doesn't, there is a high chance that it will remain damage forever which means that I will be feeling the pain on my left leg forever. I didn't think that much as I was still quite tired and drowsy. Ard noon, the physiotheraptist came to get me out of bed and walk me. When I tried walking, I felt the pain on my right butt, hips and leg. My family came in the evening to visit me but i was too tired and pain that i kept sleeping.

23 Feb 2011

The physiotherapist informed my spine surgeon about my pain at my right leg and my surgeon came and examined me and I was told that the pain was due to the Sacroiliac joint that is giving me the problem. He informed my pain doctor who had all along treated me for my pain as well as for my SI joint problem. I did not get out of bed to walk as I was feeling pain at my right leg and the physiotherapy thought that I should rest till further instructions were given to her by both my doctors. Dear came to keep me company in the afternoon. He took leave on that day. Bought alot of things for me..even bought kinder joy for me..=D was very happy that he was there to keep me company and to cheer and support me..=) Besides, kinder joy, he also bought me magazine with all the movies that is/will be showing soon and also orea biscuits..hahaha..
he left in the afternoon..Thanks dear for coming to keep me company and supported me all this while..=D Besides, dear who came, brother yuanxing came too to visit me with flowers from him and his two sisters too. Thanks bro for always being there to care and encourage me!! Thanks brother and sisters for the flowers. =D

I received a hamper from my colleagues in credit suisse.. Thank you so much colleagues! My colleagues came in the evening to visit me..They bought HAPPY BEARS for me and also a book from siew lin. Markus also sent his regards to me. They left shortly as they saw that I was very tired. I was really touched and happy that they came to visit me, encourage me and also bought me things even though they know that I will be away for quite some time from work and they will be more busy and stress. Hope that I did not give them much trouble due to my absence. But I guess I did as I am away for 2 months. They must be more busy..so sorry my fellow colleagues.. I felt so bad to have to be away for so long but my back and legs just didn't wanna 'behave' making me feel terrible. I will try my best to get well soon and be back soon...so sorry for all the inconvenience caused. Thanks for coming to visit me despite ur busy schedule. =)

My ex-colleague from DBS training came to see me as well. Thanks candy! =D My family were there in the evening as well, I was much alert compared to the previous two days. But when I told them that I am feeling pain at the right side, they were very worried. I told them that I would be fine but they were still worried..hahaha..They left after seeing me go to sleep.

24 Feb 2011

My pain doctor came to examine me as he was informed that I felt alot of pain at my right when I walk. He then did some tests and was convinced that it was my right SI joint that is giving the problem. He then suggested that I go for a radiofrequency abalation for my SI joint. Putting it in simple terms is to burn my nerve in the SI Joint area so that I won't feel the pain anymore. It was ard 8am that I have decided that we should do that if not I won't be able to walk normally without pain. The procedure was schedule for in the afternoon. So once again, I went into the OT. This time is not GA but I was under deep sedation. It was super amazing as I did not remember anything during the procedure.. I was 'sleeping' for the whole procedure and was only awake when my doctor wake me up once again in the recovery room informing me that the procedure is over. Shortly, I was being pushed back to my bed.

My mum and sis were in the room waiting for me when I was being pushed back to bed. They looked worried as they saw that I was very tired. I didn't actually remember much abt what happened as I was feeling so drowsy. I think brother, sis-in-law and dad came to visit me in the evening as well.. but I was too tired to remember much. cos the medicine that I was given in the operating theatre was still not wear off.

25 Feb 2011

The physiotherapist came early in the morning to see how I was doing and I got up to walk. When I started walking, I found that I was unable to walk much as my left side of the SI joint is giving me the problem after the right side was fixed.. I was abit worried when I felt that pain. My pain doctor came in the afternoon to review me and see if I am feeling better from the procedure he did on the right SI joint the previous day. But I told him that I had the left pain this time round. The previous day before he did the procedure for me on my right SI joint, both doctors tested on both sides of my SI joint and only the right was painful and the left was perfectly alright. When I told him that my left is in pain, he was abit shock as it was only a difference of a day. He suggested that we do the same to the left SI joint to solve the pain and I agreed and decided to go ahead since I am already in the hospital and was already in pain. I do not have much choice as I will be feeling the pain if I dun go ahead to decide with the procedure and I won't be able to walk properly as I will be in pain. This time, the procedure is in the evening.

When evening came, I was again pushed into the OT for the third time in the 5 days, same thing, I was in deep sedation and did not remember anything abt it. I was woken up by my doctor after the procedure informing me that all is fine now. I was then pushed back to my room. And my family was there waiting for me already and I think it was already 9plus by then. Was very very tired and wasn't able to talk much with my family just kept sleeping. I am very sure is due to all the medications given to me during the 1 GA and 2 deep sedation and also the painkillers contributed to a certain extend..

26 Feb 2011

My pain doctor came to review me and told me that if I want, I can be discharge that day. But I told him that I was still feeling alot of pain. He asked if I want to stay for a day more to infuse some medication in me for 24 hours to reduce the pain and be discharge the next day. I told him I am agreeable with his suggestion as I was still feeling pain. The medication that was infused in me was ketamine. It made me feel so tired and I slept for most of the time. My uncle came but I didn't get to see him as I was asleep and he didn't want to wake me up as he sees that I was soundly asleep. He left some tonics that he bought and just left. Thanks uncle and sorry for not waking up to say hi and thank you to u. =)

My family came during the evening and stayed for some time before leaving for dinner. Thanks Mama, cynthia, brother, sis-in-law and dad for coming down to see me almost everyday! Thanks for caring so much for me and for supporting my decisions and also for being there for me throughout.

27 Feb 2011

The physiotherapist came early in the morning to test if I could walk properly, brought me to the stairs and corridor to walk and was satisfied that I am good to go. I was finally able to discharge. Waited for my doctor to review and discharge me. He came at around 10am, told him that I was still feeling pain but was much better so he allowed me to go back home to rest. He showed me the X-ray he had taken during the procedure he did on 24 Feb and 25 Feb and told me that they were very shock to see my x-ray as they discovered that my SI joint is 90 degrees instead of the normal curve that normal ppl had. I was shocked to hear that too. He asked if I had any other fall besides the stairs incident. Then I recalled I fell from the bike once when dad sent me to work. I told him abt it and he was very sure that the fall from the bike is the cause of my SI joint being 90 degrees. Dad was there when I told my doctor abt it. Dad was abit shock too and he started to feel worried and looked abit guilty. I didn't purposely made him feel that way but i need to inform my doctor so that he could fill the insurance claim form for me. My doctor told me not to worry abt the 90 degrees problem and said that it will probably only affect my child birth in the sense that I won't be able to have natural birth. But I was still able to give birth to kids. So nothing much to worry. After dad and mum talked to my doctor and everything was settled, I went to the cashier to settle my payment. The total bills for the 7 days came up to be $55,716/=.. I went up to collect my things and discharge summary, etc and left at 11 plus. Was glad that I was finally able to discharge but was still feeling pain and was still very very tired.

This is part 1 of my eventful two months. I shall continue with part 2, 3 and maybe 4, 5 when I am feeling better.. need to go for a rest now. abit tired and feeling pain already.

Before I stop, I would like to thanks my Mum, Sis, Bro, Sis-in-law, dear. dad, cousins, friends and colleagues for all the care and concern for me. Thanks for all the encouragement and support from everyone.. Though I am still not fully recovered yet and still feeling pain but I am already trying my best to get well..Hope all of u will continue to give me ur support, encouragement and understanding so that I could recover well and walk out of this painful period soon.

My mood has been up and down recently.. Feeling good when I feel better and bad when I feel more pain.. Upset at times when my pain increases suddenly when I felt much better for some time already...Trying very hard to cope with all this..but sometimes it's really not very easy to cope with it.. Too many things that I worried for but unable to find anyone to talk to abt it..At times, I really felt so lost and so upset..I can only bear with the pain and move on, hoping that I will feel better soon..no other choice for me I guess..='( everyday when I wake up from my sleep in the morning, I will be so afraid that my pain will increase but I can't do anything to control my fear..This two months is really terrible for me..hopefully it will end soon but I really am not confident abt that..=(

Dear, I hope u will continue to be there to support and encourage me.. I promise that I will try my best to get better for our future..Give me ur support..k? Sorry to not be able to go shopping with u for this two months.. Thanks for being so understanding and loving me even though I am so troublesome.. Thanks dear, Love u lots! =)

27 days to year 2011..

2010-12-05T03:08:00.004+08:00

It's dec 5 le, 27 more days to year 2011..Looking forward to the coming new year with more new challenges. =)

Looking back, this year had been an eventful and fruitful year for me. Had experienced many things including good ones, happy ones, sad ones and bad ones. Had learnt and gained alot from all the things that had happened to me. Of cos, when there are gains, there will also be some things that I have to give up. But glad that I had gained and learnt more than I had given up. Just hope that I will end this year with all the good and happy memories and move on to next year with a good start..=D

Had changed a new job in Apr this year, so far still so good, but alot more for me to learn and improve. Initially it was supposed to be a 6 months contract job, then I was converted to permanent staff after 3 months. Was happy and grateful that my bosses and colleagues gave me a chance to contribute to the team and department, letting me move on as a permanent staff. With the increase in salary for this new job, life got better for me. Reason being, I am able to save more for studies and for future, and I am also able to provide more money to my family, making my mum's life easier. Mum had a hard life before and now that I have more income, I would really want her to enjoy herself more. Cos I really love mum and sister alot. Without their support, I would nv be able to achieve what I have now. Therefore, I would do anything I can to make them happy. =)

As for my health, glad that there are improvements, although I am still on follow ups..=) Still feeling pain at my back but am currently seeing this pain specialist who will be working out some treatments for me so that I would feel better soon. Had went for two procedures on my back in Sept and Nov this year. There are improvements but still feeling pain. I guess it will take abit more time for my back to heal. Sometimes I really feel like giving up and not seek for further treatment but I have already gone so far and there are already improvements so after thinking for some time, I had decided to not give up and seek further treatment to see if I can really get rid of the pain. I am still young, so I definitely would hope that I would have a chance to get well and do all the things that I can't do now due to my back condition. Wanna thanks all my family members, friends and colleagues for their support to me. Hope that I will get better by early next year..=D

Had just gotten my results on thurs and I managed to clear all and move on to my last semester. Results was not as good as the previous semesters but I had done my very best. I remember this someone who had kind of impacted my life telling me: "Always put in your best effort in all that you are doing and you will not regret or feel guilty when the final outcome is not as good as expected. This is because you know that you had already tried your very best." I will always remember these words as I find them really meaningful to me. I applied this to all the things I do be it in studies, work, my life and also in a relationship. I believe that if I had put in my best effort, in the end if I did not get wat I want or expected, then at least I know that I had tried my best. Studying and working at the same time is tough but I told myself that no matter how hard it is, I will endure and complete this final semester to get a degree so that I will have a better career and future for myself and my family. With all that I have said, I am left with one last semester before getting my degree and so I will really work hard towards achieving my good grades for my last semester. =)

Relationship this year had been up and down for me with happy memories and also sad memories. Doesn't want to comment too much on this as what is over is over, must look forward. Just hoping that I will end this year with many happy memories and move on to a better year with many happy days ahead. There are still alot more for me to learn when it comes to a relationship and I hope that I will be given a chance to improve things and make things work better. =) I will continue to put in my best effort in every ways I can, at least if things doesn't work out as well as expected, I will not regret as I know that I had already done my best. =)

It's already 5am and so I think I should not think so much and go to bed now.. May this 27 days be good for all before the new year comes!!! =D

Lastly, I would like to say this to the special one in my heart: "No matter what, I will not give up so easily and I hope that you will not too. I will always be there for you and supporting you de. Thank you for the support and encouragement you had given me throughout the years, I am really touched by your words to me and the things you had done. (",) And sorry if I had been giving you too much pressure or stress."

Putting an end to...............

2010-08-29T21:27:00.003+08:00

3 months since I last posted.. it was a busy 3 months for me..cos most of the time busy at work..

Had just went for a minor procedure on my back on Friday and now on MC, so have time to post.. Been three days since the procedure was done.. felt quite alot of improvement in the pain.. not so pain after the procedure le..but still have to watch the posture and movement..so will have to rest at home for few more days before I return to work ba..am confident that the pain will go off slowly.. dun expect the pain to go off totally after the procedure but is confident that the doctor who did the procedure for me on Fri are able to fix my pain soon with other methods..=p Have to be patient when comes to dealing with the pain..=) But is a good start now at least feeling better now..=D

Work is so far busy for me..had already been converted from contract staff to permanent staff.. so no longer have to worry if i will have a job after 6 months.. but now that i turned permanent, will have more things to do..cos must perform well..hahaha..still trying my best to learn and contribute but sometimes still will get negative feedback from boss on and off..Will definitely feel discourage at times but that is part of learning ba..I look at it this way whereby if boss dun give u feedback, u will not be able to improve..so will take the feedback positively and learn from the mistakes made..hope i will improve and work better soon..=p

Now I shall talk about the title..I am putting an end to my relationship with my bf..Had just break up with him ytd and now I am single again after 5 months..so it's time to concentrate on career, studies and curing my back..so that i will slowly forget about the things that we had gone through this past 5 months..though is not a very long period of time..but still will think of the happy memories de ma..so will have to slowly forget abt all that and concentrate on other better things...won't say that i dun like him anymore as very hard to say dun like a person overnight..cos i not cold blooded..many issues contributed to the failure in the relationship..dragging on will cause more unhappiness and disappointment between each other..so i chose to end it now than later.. dun wanna continue anymore..

Should stop here now..will be posting again when i am free..Now got to concentrate on final yr of studies, career and also to have my back fixed first..=p

Thanks for reading the blog! Good night everyone..and oh..i will be fine de..=)

bad n sad week..

2010-05-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

It's been a bad n sad week for me.. today is only the midweek.. dunno how am I going to survive till end of the week.. been feeling so frustrated with things around me keep happening..

1st.. my grandma was warded in the hospital for more than a week.. see her look so weak I so sad.. but luckily she is getting better day by day.. hope that she will recover n go back soon!

2nd.. things at work doesn't look that fine this week.. basically, my boss is quite demanding and that can be good n bad.. bad is that she will make u so stress at work till u hardly have breathing space plus pressure from colleagues, even more difficult to take it.. all demanding for things when u only have two hands and one brain to produce the work.. then worst is.. tried ur very best to learn n do as much as u can liao still kanna from them.. just new to the job one month.. then still have so many things to learn.. cos a lot still dunno.. As a new staff, when u dunno anything u will tend to ask ur seniors and listen to wat they want n do wat they want.. then in the end kanna from boss.. saying not all things they say can do.. but how would I know I can't do that when I am only two weeks old when I process that work.. feeling so discourage by all that is happening this week.. I thought that I am still doing well until I kanna from boss just now.. feel like giving up.. cos feel so demoralized.. I guess wat I need is more time.. I did think that my boss being demanding may be good.. cos I will learn more, improve and eventually be bette..but I still feel sad and disappointed by my performances this week as I really tried my very best but still not doing very well..:(

3rd.. my back seems to be giving me problem again since the operation six months back.. dunno if it's due to prolong sitting which my physiotherapist believe so.. I was told to watch my back n not sit too long as this might cause me to affect my walking if it gets worst.. been feeling pain when walking recently.. went to see my surgeon last month n he suggested another surgery which I insist to wait n see if it gets better.. hopefully I won't need another surgery.. am considering if I should quit my job.. cos I have been sitting a lot in this current job which is bad for my back.. plus getting negative feedbacks at work this week.. making me more discourage to continue.. dunno if I should give up..

4th.. relationship with bf not that smooth also.. dunno wat's wrong recently.. can't seems to really understand wat he is thinking.. while I am studying for exams, he will hope we can meet soon.. after I finish exams, and have more time for him, he began to be busy.. also dunno with wat.. cos he will just say he is busy with his things.. last time msg him he still will reply quite soon.. this few days msg nv reply.. even book out also nv let me know..even change phone no. also didn't bother to let me know..When asked why he nv tell me he said cos I scare u busy.. I know that he might be angry that everytime he msg me I am working and take very long to reply so might as well dun need to inform..But no matter how busy I am..I will still see the msg just that I can't reply very soon..at least inform me of the change in hp no. so that I know how to contact him.. Made me so worried just now..thought wat happened to him..cos msg no reply then call hp is off..at that point in time I really so scare something happen to him..untill finally I remembered him using another no to call me then I can contact him..when contacted..he just replied I scare u busy so nv tell u i change no. Then said..I thought u know I got this new no..then when I asked why dun on the other hp..he said cos dun want ppl to bother him..very sian..Haiz..I really dunno is it me who cause him to be so bother and sian..I really hope I am not the one who make him so sian..I have no choice for being busy at work..I just started new job..alot of things to familiarise, do and learn in order to keep my job..so naturally will be more busy.. I am very happy that he is very understanding for the past few months when I am busy with both work and studies and supported me all the way and not mind if we dun meet up often.. now that i am abit more free, I wanna have more time with him but seems that we still have problem catching each other's time..I dunno y..maybe is me.. maybe cos i neglected him previously when studying f0r exams then now my turn to kanna neglected..But i dun even know when he will book out cos nowadays when I ask him he also nv reply or tell me..Like that how to make time to meet up..I really dunno how..I hope our relationship will get better..=(

Think that's all I wanna say for today..cos very tired after 12 hours of work today..plus so many things happened today..going to rest le..hope the next time I blog will be for good and happy things..lastly..hope ah ma will get well soon and hope my back will get better and not worst..

I know that sometimes u feel neglected but I have no choice..I am already trying my best to spend more time with u..but recently I really feel very insecure..I have a feeling that you will leave me soon and u will give up on this relationship..Nowadays, I can only know how u doing through facebook cos u dun reply when I msg u..I dun want to know ur things only through facebook..i hope to know ur things through u telling me..even if I am busy, u can still msg me to let me know..I will still reply after work..I dunno if something went wrong between us..if yes, speak up..waiting for u to tell me wat happened to u recently..='(

Day 1 of 2010

2010-01-01T13:51:00.003+08:00

Firstly, would like to wish my friends and families a Happy New Year!! Hopefully 2010 will be a fruitful year for all!!

2009 ended too soon!! Looking back, 2009 wasn’t a very good year for me, especially for my health. In the beginning of year 2009, found out that I had thalassemia and slipped discs. Then my slipped discs worsen and went for operation on my spine in Sept and Nov. It was a painful and scary experience but I am glad that I had overcome all of them n now on the road to recovery. My doctor told me that although I had the operation but it might not totally cure my slipped discs. I still have to be extra careful and take good care of my back as it might come back if I am not careful enough. But at least the operation had relieved much of my back pain and numbness in my leg and toes. Till now will still feel a little numbness in my toes but I can feel that my condition had improved a lot compared to before the operations. Let’s just hope that my back condition will be better in 2010. =)

Although 2009 wasn’t a good year for me in terms of health, but there were still some good things for me to remember. =p Got my driving license on 2nd June 2009, went for my 2nd WMC trip with Mus’ Art Wind and had lots of fun in Netherlands. Really misses the place so much. Wonder if I will have a chance too go back there again!! Really love Mus’ Art Wind a lot. Was talking to Desmond ytd before the countdown. Told him that in the first place I didn’t expect myself to stay so long in Mus’ Art. Looking back, I am with them for 5 years plus le..had so much of fun n laughter there..n I had learnt a lot there as well. N I am very happy to see that the percussion section so united now. From the always changing group of ppl for different concert to the fixed group of ppl now..Really happy to know and have this group of friends in percussion section now!! I love all of you!! Let’s continue to stay united and enjoy playing good music! =p

Another happy moments in 2009 is that my brother and his gf finally ROM!! Hahaha..so happy for them..waited very long for this moment. My mama also very happy. Cos she gt a good daughter-in-law!!haha..looking forward to their wedding ceremony..I love my family!! Especially mama and sis!!=p

And lastly, I am also happy that I am doing well in SIM for my degree. Still have 3 semesters to go before I graduate. So will work hard to achieve a good result! So 2010 will be a busy year for me as I want to spend more time studying to get good grades!!haha..=p

Overall 2009 was an eventful year for me..alot of memorable moments..hahaha..Really hope that 2010 will be a better year for all my friends, families and myself. I believe that if I work hard, 2010 will be a better year for me!! Hahaha..

I hope to achieve more things in 2010. I hope..

· to get good grades for all my exams,
· that my back will improve and be better,
· for good health,
· that my family will always be happy and stay healthy,
· to bring my mama to Hong Kong or Taiwan for a short holiday
· that I will excel at work and earn more money
· to get into a stable relationship
· and that friends and families around me is happy, healthy and good!!=p

It’s a very long post…hahaha..Once again HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!! N let’s all work towards to achieve what we really want to!! =p

Christmas Eve=p

2009-12-24T03:18:00.001+08:00

Just went back to work about 2 weeks ago..Quite busy since back to work..cos gt a lot of requisition to do..but still ok at least gt public holidays..Back still ok..not as pain as before the operation..less numbness but still will feel the aching and pain at the end of the day after work..i guess my back takes time to heal ba..hopefully with swimming and physiotherapy I can get better soon..=p

This few days feeling abit down..cos msg and call him, he nv reply me..dunno if he is avoiding me or he is busy in army..Can’t help but kept thinking of him..I somehow have this bad feeling that he will patch up with his ex..Dunno y but I just feel this way..When he dun msg me for a few days, I will start to think of him..but when I tried to call or msg him, he also nv answer call or reply my msg..so getting very confuse..dunno wat he is thinking..Wat I should do? =(

Today is Christmas eve..at first asked him if he wants to go out on Christmas eve, then he says need to confirm again..but till now no msg from him..i guess he forgot abt it and had plans for himself le..Then just now Shaun asked if wanna go out and since I gt no plans, I agreed to go out with him..If Shaun just now nv ask me out, then I will be alone at home le..so sad hor..Christmas eve and I stay alone at home..=X

Just finished helping my mei mei with baking of cookies for her colleagues at my uncle’s company..hahaha..the colour of the cookies dun look very nice..but still pass I guess…still edible..hahaha..hope that they dun mind and like the cookies..=p

Getting very late le..going to sleep le..cos tmr still working till 3.30pm..3/4 days..hahaha..i guess the bank later should be quite crowded..so going to rest soon..hahaha..if not later very tired cannot concentrate..Would like to wish all my friends Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Enjoy the public holidays!! (“,)

Thinking of u..

Finally going back to work!!

2009-12-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

It’s been quite awhile since I blogged..not very busy but just lazy to blog..hmmm..after a month of rest at home, finally going back to work soon on Monday.. Hopefully everything will be alright when I get back to work..Hopes that no one would create trouble or make things difficult for me..Hospitalization leave for 1 month is also not what I wanted.. Just that cos I needed time for my back to recover and feel better before going back to work as we are talking abt one’s spine..if it get worst, it could affect the rest of my life..However, I would like to thank all who had supported me, encouraged me during this period!! Must also thanks Janet for her understanding and support..was really quite touch to receive ur msg!! Thanks!=)

During this 1 month of rest, I had been trying my best to recover fast by actively going for physiotherapy and also swimming. But I guess the speed of recovery is still slow, however, I am quite grateful to my physiotherapist who had been helping me along the recovery and who had given me lots of support to slowly improve my condition..Though I feel that my back and leg are still quite weak, but I believe I am improving slowly..Dun feel as useless as before as I can see slight improvements now..Really hopes that my back will recover fast and not get worst as I had wasted so much time and money on my back..=P

Just got my results ytd, managed to clear all but still not very satisfied as I could have done better..Really studied hard for this exam and can really see some results in my studies this time round..So I will do better next semester!! I will study harder next semester as I wanna get a degree with good grades..this makes a great difference when u go out to find a job..=)

About 27 days to 2010!! Looking forward to 2010 as I believe that it will be a better yr for me and everyone ard me!! My studies, health and career will be better next yr!! (“,)

Just a little update after abt 2 months..=)

2009-11-10T17:44:00.002+08:00

Haven't updated my blog for abt two months..so it's time for me to update..=)
The previous blog was updated after my 1st back surgery..Just went for my 2nd surgery on my spine last week on 4th of Nov and was hospitalised for a week and discharged on the 5th of Nov..First time warded in hospital..felt scare but no choice..cos the pain is so unbearable..hmmm..dun wanna go home right after the surgery and later need to rush back to A&E during midnight..so i chose to stay there a night at least there are nurses and doctors there to take care of me and help if i am in pain..The operation was pain but was glad that i survived it le..hahaha.the experience was worst than the previous surgery..more pain..After this surgery, I had to keep lying down and take painkiller..cos is super pain..Only felt better today and managed to sit down for awhile more than the previous few days after the surgery..Now still on MC till next week..Hopefully will recover and be able to go back to work and band soon!!=p

Just finished exams on the 2nd of Nov..studied real hard this time for the exams..but dunno if i would be able to pass the exams..cos didn't managed to finish the papers for all the modules..hopefully will be able to pass..cos i really put in alot of effort this time...my sis said that this is the only time she sees me so hardworking eversince i completed my 'O's..haha..i also somehow agrees with her..this time round i really studied..so hope that my results will be good..dunno when the results will be out..maybe not so soon..cos exams just eneded last week for all..=)

It's been quite some time since i write my blog..so dunno wat to write le..hahaha..too long nv write..then brain rusty le..

Hmmm..

Oh..before i forget, i wanna thanks all who had supported me all the way and thanks all who had showed lots of care and concern to me during this period!! Thanks alot to Mus' Art Committee as well for ur understanding, care and concern..=p

Finally back to work after 2 weeks of rest!!!

2009-09-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

Today finally went back to work after the 2 weeks MC after the operation..still dun feel that well today but managed to get through the day with the help of all my colleagues!! thanks everyone at BTB for all ur help today!! Though i MC for 2 weeks and caused all of u to be more tired, u all help me throughout the day today..really appreciate that!! thanks everyone..i will try to recover soon!! hopefully i will get better soon!! i dun wanna be a burden to all..hahaha..then today went back to work and counted the no of days i would be working in sept and found out that excluding sat, i will only be working for 9 days in the month of sept..dunno if it's good or bad..=)

Dun really feel well this few days..kept on vomitting, feeling giddy, having blur visions and having headaches..dunno wat's wrong with me..dunno if it's the side effect of the operation..or is my gastric that is giving me the problem..or is it the pain killer that is giving that side effect..i also dunno..like wat ching said..the whole body just dun feel well..hahaha..hope will get better soon..hahaha..cos need to start studying hard le..in order to do that, i must be well..so that i can concentrate better..hmmm..n medical bills now very exp..so the faster i get better, the less i will spend..hahaha..=)

Soon Sept will end and Oct will come..looking forward to Oct!! cos Brother going to ROM..so happy for him and his gf..they are finally getting married..hahaha..After Sept, three more months to 2010..Haven't achieved much this yr..in fact, i think this yr is not a very good yr for me..cos my health not very good this yr..having backache since the start of the yr, then later found out that it's slipped disc, then went for operation..somemore found out that i have this inherited blood disorder called thalassemia..this blood inherited blood disorder causes my body to produce less hemoglobin..but mine is minor..still ok..just that my future husband can't have this if not the chances of my child having a major one is high..but i believe everything will be fine!!! other than that, studies at first also gt problem..at first almost can't study at SIM, RMIT..cos of my loan..but luckily managed to get the loans..=) then work also very pek cek..have a very 'helpful' manager who sits there and do nothing but just nagged..think this yr's appraisal gone..hahaha..but hopefully the travel insurance thing for Mus' art will help abit..

Though this 3 quarter of 2009 is not very smooth sailing for me, i still have 3 more months to achieve wat i want..there is alot of things i have yet achieved..the slipped disc had somehow restricted me from achieving more things..but i hope as i am recovering after the operation, things will pick up and i will be able to work towards wat i want..must really study hard..cos i dun want to disappoint my mum, bro, sis and those who r always there to support me..haven't been doing well for studies..but i will work hard this time..cos i know this is my last chance to do well and not disappoint everyone!! i have ard 1 month more to study before the exams..must also thanks my friends in class for always helping me with taking of notes when i can't make it for classes due to work and during my absence when i went to holland for WMC and also during the last 2 weeks when i am resting at home after my operation..thanks huizhen, ben, jie xiong and wei hao for all the understanding and help!!=) Let's all jiayou for our exams!!

The things i had achieve so far only very little..At least i finally gt my driving license after like 3 tries..hahaha...and i also went with Mus' Art Wind Orchestra to WMC 2009 held at holland and managed to get a score of 85.58 which is best among all the other S'pore bands who had participated in the competition as well..can't believe we did it and can't believe that i actually went with them for the 2nd time already..hoping to go there to compete the 3rd time 4 yrs later..but nobody will know wat will happen 4 yrs later..but for now i still would like to continue playing in Mus' Art..i learnt alot there and improved alot there..happy to have a group of fun loving percussion section!!! I love all of u!! hahaha.. thanks for making all things possible..without ur hardwork, the percussion section won't have improved!!! Think i can only think of this two things which i had already achieved in this 3 quarter of 2009..

Things i would like to achieve in the next three months is to get good grades for my studies and also to achieve more at work!!! Having worked at BTB for abt 2 yrs and 4 months, i felt that i actually acheive very little things..how i wish catherine and soo kiong were still ard..with them ard, i believe i would have achieved more than wat i have now..at least i would have been more motivated to work hard with them ard..cos under their leadership, i am able to learn and progress more..as they r really very understanding and always willing to help and listen to us when we needed helped..i really missed the times when soo kiong and catherine were ard..I missed both of u and i also missed all my colleagues who had left BTB for a better future like Jean, Bel, Janice and Cheryl..that is when i really enjoyed working at BTB..But no point talking abt all this now..it's all over...so i have to move on and try to do better at work..so studies and work is the 2 areas i would focus on for the coming 3 months..so think i will be very busy in Oct.. cos Oct i will be busy preparing for exams and work..after Oct will be slightly better as i can concentrate all on work and do well..cos exams over and no more classes till january 2010..

OK!! That's all i wanna say..a very long post..getting more and more long winded as days past by..meaning i getting older and older liao..oh no..hahaha..tired le..going to rest after taking my medications..tmr still need to work..will post again when i am free!! =)

Do u think we will have a chance to be together?? =p

1 month after WMC and 7th day after spine surgery..

2009-09-08T17:24:00.002+08:00

It's already a month since I am back from WMC 2009 held in Kerkrade..That was really a nice trip..enjoyed myself alot there..had lots of fun with everyone in my section and everyone in Mus' Art!! Had yet to upload the photos as the photos still in my bro's laptop..nv take from him..maybe will get it from him later..was quite busy after i am back from WMC.. Busy with work n school..

Right after i am back, i was busy with school class test, assignments and also work..cos need to do that ordering thing which i stopped doing since i left for holland..then after came back from holland, went to see result for my MRI scan for my spine and was diagnosed with slipped disc at my lower back..and went to see the spine surgeon who told me that i needed a minor surgery..that was also part of the reason why i was so busy..as i need to settle school and work before going for the surgery on 2nd sept..so was really damn busy since i was back from holland..

Had the surgery last wed..though it was only a day surgery, it was quite scary..reported to Alexandra Hospital on 2nd Sept @ 1.30pm..changed into the hospital gown, waited for someone from the operation theater to bring me to the theater..the surgery was supposed to start at 2pm..but somehow there was a delay..then waited till like 2.45pm..then walked over to the operation theater.. waited for them to prepare the operation table..then about 3.15pm, was given some jab on my wrist..dunno wat's that..only know that it was quite painful..soon after, the surgery started..i was awake throughout the procedure.. n the whole procedure was very painful..especially when the needle is halfway into the spine..that was the most painful experience i had..but finally the procedure was over..my left leg were numb and pain..was not able to move my leg after the procedure due to the numbness..then was pushed out of the theater and rested for quite some time before i was pushed back to the day ward.. by the time i was back to the day ward, it was abt 5.30pm..had to rest there for 2 hours before i could be discharged..was still experiencing some pain when it was abt 7.15pm..n the nurses told me that if my pain nv subsides, i can't go back..luckily after taking painkiller and resting for awhile more, i felt less pain and could discharge n go home..so discharge at 7.45pm and went home on that day itself..=p

When back home, still felt the pain n stiffness..even till now, still abit pain..but better than the day i was back home already..hmmm..can't really sit, stand and walk for long cos still not fully recovered..still felt the stiffness in the back and numbness in the leg..hopefully will recover soon..then can faster go back to work..cos feel so bad..last month took two weeks leave to holland then this month mc 2 weeks again..so paiseh..cause everyone to work so hard at work..so sorry BTB..will come back as soon as i recover and feel better..thanks everyone for all the care, concern and support..=p

Must really thanks my sis n mum..cos they have to help me with lots of things for this few days..hahaha..thanks my familly and friends for all the support..i will get well soon de!!=p

Happy July!!=p

2009-07-13T01:26:00.003+08:00

1.5 months nv blog le..cos damn busy everyday..work till so tired..nothing much happened in june..just that i gt my driving license on 2nd june..haha..finally..failed 2 times..n 3rd time finally pass le..haha..so now qualified to drive le..=)

Other than getting my license in June, nothing happening in june le..haha..But i love this month..though is busy but i enjoyed and look forward to it..

1st)
cos in two weeks time, i will be flying over to holland with Mus' Art Wind Orchestra for WMC le..WMC is stands for World Music Contest held evry 4 yrs..went once in 2005..enjoyed myself though fell from the stairs there that causes my slipped disc now..overall i still had great fun there in 2005.. Hope this time round will have more fun..haha..cos going with a totally different group of ppl in my section!! I am so excited over this whole thing..OMG!!!=)

2nd)
My closest friend, Wanying is back from Australia!! Though not much time to meet up, but happy to at least see her once a week!!hahaha..going kbox tmr!! happiest thing for both of us..waited so long for this le..=)

3rd)
Started school @ SIM this month..waited so long for a chance to go study there..finally took the study loans from maybank and went to study..lecture is boring but still can manage..know a new friend in class..working in uob..so qiao..went to class and realised that Jonathan also went there to study..it's a small world..same class in SP, Kaplan and now SIM..haha..at least gt friends there..will study hard this time round..cos no more time to waste le..not young anymore..=)

4th)
Shaun started work at Bukit Timah Plaza!! Same place as me..though not the same company but able to have lunch together and go back together..no longer feel lonely..haha..dun need to eat alone..gt someone to talk to when go home and lunch..then can listen to me complaint abt work..hahaha..my dear friend, thanks ah!! haha..working at BTP is no longer so boring le..Hope we will enjoy ourself at holland in two weeks time..cheers!!hahaha..counting down le..n thanks for listening to my compaint ah!!haha..=)

5th)
Mus' Art Wind Orchestra 10th anniversary le..so happy to be able to play in the 10th anniversary concert held on coming sunday at 5pm at esplanade..=) I joined them for 5 yrs le..OMG..i old liao..haha..hmmm..hope my friends who r free can come support us..cos tix sales not very good..one more week to go..i dun wanna play to empty esplanade concert hall..dun wanna to celebrate the 10th anniversary this way!! Hope all of u can support us!! thanks ah..concert name is "decade". tix priced @ S$15..must add another S$1 booking fee..=) time is 19/07/09 @5pm..venue is esplanade concert hall..thanks ah!! tix sold at sistic!! hurry go buy..hahaha..i first time so desperate to sell tix..hahaha..hope we will do well for the concert n competition at holland..=)

6th)
Happy that the percussion section now is so united and fun..had our first section outing today..was ok..=) had lunch then went band together..really happy to have all of you in the section..thanks alot for all the hard work!! Hope we will do well and continue to stay on with the band after the competition.. dun leave kailing n me alone..haha..so many ppl come n go during my 5yrs with MWO..that's why our section always nv improve..cos always change ppl..difficult to improve if keep changing..so do stay on n have fun..k? n lastly let's have more section outing and more fun in holland!!=)

7th)
Mum is finally going for the operation for her leg..this will solve her problem of leg pain..so is something to be happy abt..cos at least she will be better after the op..just pray hard that everything will be alright..which i know that she will definitely be alright!! when she recover, can bring her go tour le..no need to worry abt her leg..but hope she will take care after that n work less..mum, i love u..=)

8th)
Brother n her gf finally getting married soon and gotten their own flat..so happy for them..see them so sweet together..sometimes wonder when will be my turn..haha..hope they have kids soon then i can take care for them..haha..cos i love kids!!=)
See! i gt so many things to be happy abt in the month of july..8 things to be happy abt..i am sure more happy thing will come..=)haha..

n just now went to jurong point with shaun to meet his family to eat and shop..hahaha..his parents treat me to jia xiang mee..haha..not bad..first time eat..=) must thanks his parents..u all must try..really..haha..shaun, help me thanks ur parents ah!!=)

Later no work..cos on leave..so can stay up to blog..haha..think i going to sleep le..cos later going for physio for my back @JMC @ 8am..super early..so better go sleep now..haha..if not tmr can't wake up..wrote such a long post..haha..so long till shaun wait untill go sleep liao..haha..sorry ah!! i super long winded..cos 1.5 months nv blog and so many happy things to update everyone!!! haha..

K la.. i go sleep le..if gt time will update new post again..good night..n hope to see all of u in my concert "decade" with Mus' Art Wind on 19th July @5pm @ Esplanade ah!! Thanks for supporting ah..=p

Will there be a chance for us to be together?=p

Feeling abit frustrated....

2009-05-29T02:56:00.003+08:00

Hmmm..so fast May going to end le..Feeling abit frustrated..dunno y..Lots of things like not going very smoothly for me..Like work, health n school all like not that good..haiz..

First is work..WORK is getting more n more frustrating..wanna leave but can't get a job..haiz..more n more things to do at work but no one can help..all u get is trouble..Everyday will sure have something from my manager asking me to settle..haiz..so many payments to make..i also dunno how to make the payments..just throw all to me n expect me to settle..need to go out cover the counter n need to help her settle all the shit payments..all the payments need to call to check how i could make payments..cos i had nv done all this before..i dunno who can help me..but i doubt anyone could help me..haiz..sometimes not that i dun want to faster settle the payments..is that i gt no time to call to check how to make payment..if stay in the backroom to check, the manager will start nagging, telling u to go out cover the counters..i really dunno how..after work tried to call the depts, all left office le.. then how to do all the things..wat the hell..all she do is ask u why havent make payment..why can't she help to check how to make payment..whole day in the office dunno do wat..keep talking to ppl like everyone so free to entertain her..i really dunno wat is wrong with my new manager..when ask her things, she just keep talking n talking but nothing useful came out from her mouth..without her around, things can be settled faster..haiz..think of work really damn sianz..everytime off / leave sure got call to ask u to go back to work..wat the hell..ppl take leave or off for fun meh? confirm gt something on then will apply leave or take off mah..i too free nothing to do then purposely go take leave dun go work ah..crazy..taking leave already so difficult to get le, get le still kanna call back, like that how to clear leave..hopefully tmr they can let me go on leave peacefully..dun call me to ask me to go back..

Next thing is that my back is worrying me..haiz..went for physiotherapy today..then my physiotherapist told me that my back is getting worst.. though i dun feel the pain so often le but i experience numbness from my back to my toes..so she told me that this numbness that i experience is not a good sign..hmmm..i also dunno how..haiz..hopefully will improve with physio..but i gt no time to go..the next appt is one month later..cos cannot take leave at work to go..they gt slots for earlier dates but i can't take leave..so can't make it..haiz..if this goes on, i dunno how..i was told to go twice a month but now i am only going once a month..i really hope that my back will improve but there is nothing i can do besides doing the exercises at home daily and also going for the physio..hopefully the exercises will improve my back..that is the only thing i can do now..will be consulting the doctor in one month time..hope that there is improvements..if not will have to go for the MRI scan which will cost me a bomb i suppose..i heard that MRI scan is not cheap..i dun wanna waste money..haiz..cos need to save up for study and for family expenses..

Coming July, I will be starting school at SIM doing a Degree in Accountancy awarded by RMIT.. Duration of the course is 2 yrs and total cost is abt $17k..no money to pay so applied for study loan with POSB..so really need to save up..cos every month must pay back..cannot wait till finish studying then pay..This is my last chance to work hard le..must really study hard this time round..cos not young anymore..if still dun study hard n get a degree, then will sure stay in the same company doing all the shit forever..i dun want to do that..so the best way is to upgrade n progress to higher level or other areas..n i also dun want to be looked down by some ppl so i will work very hard to do well..n most imptly, i dun want to waste my $17k..

That's all that i wanna say..just feel frustrated n wanna let go by writing all out..feeling better now..hmmm..not early le going to sleep le..goodnight!!=)

Wondering if u r doing well in camp..must take care wor..
soon will end le..hopefully can meet up soon!!=)
I dunno if u know that i still have feelings for you after so long..
i dun ask for anything from u..n i dun wanna force u..
But I just hope n wish that oneday u will give me a chance
n accept me n give each other a chance to be together..

Happy Birthday to myself!!=)

2009-05-04T21:12:00.003+08:00

Today is my 22nd birthday..so fast..22 yrs old le..first i would like to thanks all who remembered my birthday and thanks all for ur well wishes..=) didn't really celebrate this yr...took leave today then in the morning went for hepatitis B vaccine at polyclinic..hahaha..so funny right..birthday go take vaccine..but cos very difficult to leave and off now..so take this chance to go for the vaccine..=)

Then early in the morning, received a call from the branch..my manager told me that two of my colleagues on mc..then asked if i could go back to work..hmmm..but cos already made appt for the vaccine thing n need to go keep my ah ma company, so didn't go back to work..plus i really dun wanna go work on my birthday..as i scare later kanna scolded by ppl..then will be damn sad..nowadays ppl ard very weird..so better be careful..anything can happen any time..so i told my manager i can't go back..so sorry to everyone in BTB who had worked very hard today..i suppose it's a busy day as beginning of the month plus it's mon n long weekend from fri..sorry that i did not go back to work..hope everyone will understand..

Feeling giddy from just now..dunno wat's wrong..haiz..sian..birthday still dun feel well..hope will be ok by tmr..cos need to work tmr..this week only work 4 days..so should be ok ba..hahaha..dun feel like working but no choice..cos need to earn money..so everyday i will just go work and after bank close faster finish my job and leave the branch..dun stay there so long..cos not worth it..cos ppl won't appreciate..

Soon today will end..i really hope that all my wishes will come true..but most impt is hope i will stay healthy..=p though today is abit boring for me but i did enjoy the few days of leave or off..cos no need to work..hahaha..Once again i want to thanks all who had remembered my birthday!!=)

2 days to 22yrs old..

2009-05-02T15:35:00.002+08:00

2 more days to 22 yrs old..so fast..hope this few days dun pass so fast..cos after this few days of rest, then hardly got off le..so abit sian..haiz..really dun like to work at the current place..cos things are getting more n more complicated..the more i work, the more frustrated i am..cos of the ppl ard..sometimes i really dun understand y i am feeling so frustrated at work..maybe it's a sign that i should leave the workplace or maybe it's a sign that i need a long rest before continuing to work there..but wat can i do? got leave cannot take, got off cannot clear..everyday kanna scolding..so sianz!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, really happy that i am having four days rest till coming tues..so i must enjoy myself now..hmmm.dunno wat i should do on my birthday..cos like no one free to celebrate with me..took leave on monday as dun wanna work on my birthday..already everyday kanna scold le..so on my birthday dun wanna go work n kanna scolded..but no one is free to celebrate with me..haiz..at first shaun can celebrate with me cos he will take leave but he being call back to tekong..so cannot celebrate with me le..so no one le..other friends all working..n my dearest friend, wan ying in aust..so sad..so this yr will spend my birthday alone at home..will be rotting at home the whole day with my drumset ba..haha..=)

So fast 22yrs old coming..like just celebrated my 21st birthday..then now going to 22 le..still no boyfriend..haha..no degree, no driving license..so many things still haven't achieve..dunno how..hahaha..soon will grow old le..haha..cos time passes very fast..hopefully i will achieve all that i want soon..=)

Having talked so much abt growing old, now let's talk abt some thing else..haha..hmmm..after my birthday, i will be looking forward for WMC 2009 at holland le..haha..will be flying to holland for WMC 2009 on 26 July..can't wait for that time to come..cos will be going with kailing, crystal, shaun, nuraziah, brenden n the rest of the percussion section ppl..i believe the trip will be fun..cos this time round i more familiar le..then with ppl nearer to my age group..hahaha..four yrs ago first time go so blur..hahaha..then still had a fall..this time go must be careful le..must enjoy myself..saving up to shop there..so excited..haha..hope July will come soon!!!=)

really looking forward to july..cos wanying n jenn will be back in singapore too!! so july will be a very exciting n busy month...as for may n june, this two months will be abit less busy but must study le..cos exams for acca coming in june..hahaha..so must act guai le..hahaha..must pass this time..=) dun wanna waste money le..k la..i cooked curry chicken today..so going to eat my curry le..hahaha..will update my blog again soon!! =p

it's been a long time since i went shopping..=)

2009-04-12T01:10:00.002+08:00

Just now went marina square with shaun..so long nv go shopping le..n so long nv go out together..it feels so great!!! actually wanted to watch movie..but so long queue..so decided not to watch le..maybe next week then go watch ba..so in the end went to shop ard marina square till 5 plus then go eat at MOF..the food there was nice..n the dessert is the best..hahaha..so long nv eat such nice dessert le...so busy with work n family things recently..finally got time to go out and relax awhile..=)

then on good friday, went swimming with shaun, brenden, nuraziah and erik..first time went swimming since pri 3..hahaha..forget how to swim le,..then nuraziah teach me..but still dun really know how to swim..hope can faster learn how to swim..then hopefully that can improve my backache..cos that day went for the physiotherapy then the physiotherapist told me that maybe swimming can help..so thought of giving it a try..no harm trying..cos swimming is a form of exercise..=)

this coming monday is my driving practical test..that time failed..hope this time round will do it well..dun wanna fail again..very expensive..so friends pls pray for me..hahaha..pray that i can pass..cos after pass le can drive a car le..hahaha..thank u ah!!!!

ok..that's all for today..=) going to sleep soon!!=) nitez..=p

A month after i last updated this blog..

2009-04-06T23:44:00.003+08:00

I'm back..haha..So fast one month plus gone le..n i finally got time to update my blog..=) Same as before..quite alot to say..hmmm..work hasn't been good for me..the rest still ok..more or less improve abit..=)

Hmmm..Work is abit frustrating recently with many changes in the environment including the job itself and colleagues..everyone seems so irritated..i also got no mood to work..really hope one day i will be able to leave for better career..cos i almost can't take it le..sometimes i just felt that there is ppl unhappy with me or talking behind my back..maybe i am being sensitive..but i really could sense something going on that i dun know..dunno how i should handle all this..but for the time being, i think the best solution is to work more, talk less, go home as soon as i finish..maybe that is a better way now..at least less conflicts..=) though this is not the long term solution but this is the only solution i thought of so far..

Maybe the best solution is to leave this job..but i need to get a job first given the financial crisis now..hahaha..also more difficult to get a job..but i will try de..=) cos staying in the branch means i have to forgo alot of things..i need to forgo my studies..cos impossible to take leave for study for exams..secondly, recently i started to visit the specialist for my backache..then think need to go for physiotherapy quite often but unable to take off or leave so often so more or less will affect the speed of recovery of my back..n thirdly, i am not really happy in the branch recently.. so staying there longer will means adding on to my unhappiness..then slowly later affect the health then not good le..my relatives also agreed that i should get a new job..n i am really happy that they r very supportive..n happy that they r trying to lookout for jobs for me as well..=) Thanks my family, my Uncles, aunties and cousins for all ur support!!!=)

Remember i wrote in my blog the last time that there is this guy whom i know recently trying to ask me to be with him? hmmm..i was glad that i did not agree..cos i somehow it's abit weird..i told him that i needed time to get to know him better first and i also needed time to sort some things out..n i told him that if he happens to find someone he likes besides me, then just go ahead..no need to wait for me..then he said, he would wait no matter how long it takes..

Then the funny think is a month later, we met up n he told me that he just met a girl recently for abt a week and he is thinking to be with her..then i was so puzzled..first u said u will wait, next u said wants to be someone else le..only then i know, how fast ones heart changes...haha..i wonder how can someone change so fast..but i am not sad at all, in fact i am happy..happy that i still do not have much feelings for him..n that we r not together yet at that point in time..if not i will feel more hurt..hahaha..i told him to go ahead with his plans..and wished him all the best..think that's the least i could do..=)

Moreover, in my heart that special someone is still the one i love most..i have to admit that i still can't let it go..so even if that guy is not with that girl, i also will not be with him..cos i realised that there is really no more space for him in my heart..=) at least now i have one less things to think..i can just continue to love that special someone n hopefully one day there is progress and we could be together..n i really hope for that day to come..but i am not pinning much hope as chances are likely to be close to zero..just see how it goes ba..let nature takes its course..hahaha..=) if fated to be together, one day sure can be together..=) i am not in a rush to go into a relationship as i wanna settle work problem and my backache problem first..=)

As i had mentioned earlier on, recently i just started to visit the specialist for my backache..n will be going for physiotherapy so hopefully will be better soon..the doctor says my backache is caused by slipped disc and physiotherapy usually helps in the recovery..so that's good..i wanna recover by july..so that when go netherlands for WMC with Mus' art wind orchestra, can enjoy better..hahaha..so excited abt the WMC trip..haha..hopes it comes soon!!!=)

ok..i am almost done with today's update..will come update when i free again..oops and wanna thanks wanying for lending me her listening ears when i am feeling down..hahaha..must take care at aust,k? n study hard ah!! if not when u come back i sure smack u..hahaha..=)

9 months after my last post..

2009-02-22T23:43:00.003+08:00

Finally start to blog again after 9 months..so lazy to come in to blog..so in the end 9 months later then blog again..haha..=) Lots and lots of things happened in 9 months..not possible to include all in one post..so maybe just an update of me..=)

Work
Hmmm..still as busy at work..ever since the retrenchment excercise, so down..so busy..everyone in the branch had to do extra work..but we all survived..=) we even survived the worst period which is the chinese new year period..so happy that we did it...this proves that everything is possible if we work together..=) Everything is fine at work..just more stress.. and abit unhappy with my performance last year...the appraisal results is not wat i expected it to be..i done wat i was told but in the end..haiz..perhaps everyone else is better than me..but it's alright!! i had done my best..when the opportunity comes, i will just grab and do wat i is best for me..=)

School
Was thinking if i should stop school as i may not be able to get leave at work during the exam period for my studies..no one understands..how to go for exam without studying..maybe some of u out there can do it..but so sorry..i can't..i know myself very well..if i can dun take leave then i won't take le..but i really no choice so i plotted..if i can't get the leave, i will have to think carefully and make my choices le..whether work or study is more important for me at this moment..but this we shall see..=)

Band
Now preparing for competition at netherlands in july..really excited..n busy as well..cos will have lots of practice coming up..but for passion, must jiayou..hahaha..band is the only thing that can make me happy and enjoy..whenever i in band, i will forget abt everything at work, at home and all the unhappy things..so i really look forward to band every week.. though abit tiring to go on every sun.. but once i am there, i will not feel that way le..kailing and friends, let us work hard towards WMC..k? jiayou!! can't wait for july to come..=)

Home
Things still fine at home..so far so good..now that both bro and me r working, we r able to give some to mum for home expenses, so she dun have to worry so much..can see that she is much happier now..only hope that her leg will recover soon..her leg has gt some problem due to her prolong standing at work..went to see specialise..hope that she will recover soon!!

Me
Had been feeling unwell for quite sometime le..had backache since Nov..till now still like that..still pain..also dunno wat to do..three days before chinese new yr, i experience numbness in my both hands and legs and back..that really scares me..nv in my life i experience this..hmmm..went to polyclinic to check..but they also dunno the reason..hmmm..then when for the full medical check up last week..will only know results next week..so hope everything will be fine..=) really hope that my backache will recover soon..=)

Then recently i met a new friend, william..he asked if i could be with him..but i told him to give me some time as i wanted to know him better first..i am really touched by all the things he had done for me..but i needed more time to know him better first and also get over some things..reason is that i dun want to rush things..i want to be sure that i had gotten over someone before i start a new relationship..so that it's fair to him..no guys would want their gf to be thinking of someone else when they r together, right? he is really nice to me..and also very supportive and cares for me..really happy that he is willing to take a step back to know each other better first..thank u so much william! Also sorry for not being able to be with u right now...=) give me some time to work things out,k? thanks so much!!

Long time before i met william, there is already this special someone in my heart..that someone had always been in my heart for a long time le..some of u know who he is..but i dunno if he knows or gets any hint..but nothing seems to be happening..also dunno how he feels towards me now..i know that no point i keep holding on and not let go..i told myself that i must forget abt this someone and i am really trying my best le..but this kind of things takes time..not say want to forget then forget de..cos know each other too well and long le..=) Hope i will forget him soon!! So that i will have an open mind and heart to know william better and it will be more fair to him..=)

Hmmm..think that's all for today..hope that everything goes well for me, my family and my all my friends!!! n Wanying..pls come back soon!! i really need ur help..hahaha..i need u to help me..so pls work hard and come back soon!! take care over at aust..i will take care of ur parents de..=)

After so long of waiting, i decided to let go of u..all the best to u n take care my friend...................

Best Birthday ever!

2008-05-04T21:56:00.009+08:00

Today is a very special day for me..it's my 21st Birthday.. This year is my best birthday ever.. Celebrated this special and happy moment with my family, relatives and friends at Costa Sands Resort (Pasir Ris) ytd.. Though it was a busy day for me but i am really happy.. Cos everyone was there to celebrate my birthday with me..I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone, especially my aunties, uncles, cousins, brother, sister, mum n dad for all the help and support they had given me to make this birthday party a very successful and special one..very happy and touched by all that you all had done.. Thank you!!

Received alot of presents too!! Think this yr i received the most presents.. This yr i received, 1 big winnie the pooh bear, 1 watch, 1 jacket, 1 bouquet of flower, 1 box of chocolate, 1 computer brush, 1 waterbottle, 1 bracelet, 1 crystal, 1 notebook, 2 wallets, 3 bags, 3 small bears, 4 necklaces, many vouchers and angbaos..will upload the photos another day when i free..=) Thank you everyone for the presents and for coming to my party!! Hope all of you enjoyed the food..=) So sorry if i neglected anyone..i didn't do it on purpose.. too many ppl come at the same time..so i abit lost..hope you all dun mind..=/

Once again must thanks cousins for collecting the cake and buying the cake for me, brother n gf for helping to BBQ, cousins for helping to BBQ, Sister for preparing the food, mum n dad for paying and preparing the food..without them, i would not have such a great birthday celebration..THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!

Thank you for making me realise that you are not worth for me to wait anymore!!!! I will not be that stupid and do so many things for you anymore!! Never again!!! You r hurting me..='(

2nd post in 2008!!

2008-03-16T20:50:00.004+08:00

Almost one quarter of year 2008 had gone..n i just realised that this is my 2nd post in in year 2008..was very busy for the past 2 to 3 months..so no time to blog..Was busy with work, school and attending friends' 21st Birthday for the past 2 to 3 months..

Work was still fine for me..still considered happy at work..except that some colleagues kept trying very hard to backstab ppl..other than that i still quite happy at work..more or less adapt to the environment le..just gt my variable bonus in feb..was happy with the bonus they gave me..plus also an increment from march onwards..so financial side getting better..hope that i could learn more things at DBS n gain more experience for better future..now still young so should work hard to earn more money n learn more things..so far, i had really learnt alot at dbs from my manager, officers and also colleagues..really must thank them for teaching me so many things at work and also in life..i will jiayou to learn more things de..(",)

I started school in January this yr..working in the day and studying at night is tough but i will work hard too..cos i want a better future for myself..so far school was alright..just that very tiring..still haven't really started my revision..will have to start soon..cos exams is in june..hope that i will be able to do well in the exams..=/

Hmmm..so many friends turning 21st this yr ar..gt so many 'party' to attend n also so many present to buy..hahaha..all my year de..i also turning 21st soon in abt another one n a half months..haven't really decide wat to do for my birthday..but had tried to book company's chalet le..dunno if can get anot..hopefully can get..then can celebrate at the chalet..was telling my mum that if i can't get chalet, maybe will treat buffet at my house..then just invite my friends n relatives to my house can le..but still haven't really confirm..cos like still long..=)

I can say that so far yr 2008 was still ok for me..however there is only one thing that is still bothering me..n that is........we were once so close n now when we happen to meet, we also nv really talked..i really dunno wat went wrong..R we still friends?? Is it because we were too busy to even meet up occassionally or is it that u r avoiding me?? I really wondered if u still remembered me as ur friend..or u had already forgotten me..perhaps u r really too busy to meet up..

When will the time come???????

Some of my thoughts....

2008-01-21T00:33:00.001+08:00

It's year 2008 le..been a long time since i update my blog...haiz..was busy with work and school..so dun really have the time and energy to blog..now abit free so came in to blog..heehee..

Yesterday (Sunday), was a busy day for me too..i woke up at 7 plus in the morning as i going to pray my mum's eldest sis (that is my da yee)..hmmm..she passed away several years ago..and this is the first time i went to pray to her..come to think abt it, i abit bad..right? so fast a few years had past..n now i going to turn 21 le..haiz..

After praying, i went to my cousin's house with my other relatives for lunch..chatted with them for some time..then after lunch, we went to farm mart to walk..cos abit bored..as some of my relatives playing mahjong..first time go farm mart still quite fun..haha..got alot of things to see..=p next time must bring my mum there..

After which, i went home to change and headed down to band..Reached band at ard 4 plus..luckily they still haven't play river dance..saw tama while playing river dance..then abit panic..haha..cos he staring at us..dunno why today i abit nervous when i play..hope it's not too obvious..coming sat is the performance le..hope MAWO percussion section will be able to play well this time..this is the first time we playing without jennifer..hahaha..hope it will be good..i believe with nazreen around, we should be fine..jiayou wor, everyone!!!=p

Then after band, went to ah ma's house..i felt like an alien there..when i stepped into the house, i greeted my relatives..but they ignored me like f**k..i was wondering if i had glass for lunch..all treated me like i was transparent..really no manners.. they really sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! dun wanna talk abt them anymore..later my blood pressure go up..

hmmm..i had been thinking alot recently..abt home, abt school, abt work n also him..at home, gt lots of unsolved problems..dunno how to handle it..maybe just let is be for the moment..then school, thinking if i am going the right path?? i really dunno yet..at work, so many problems..thinking whether i should quit..still thinking..but already started to keep a lookout on jobs vancancies..n also updated my resume..just in case i need it..then abt him, i really missed those happy days when we always meet up to hv fun and enjoy ourselves..will those days be back??? i really wondered..i asked myself..after so long and all the things i had done, is it worth??? Does he really know how i feel??? Have he ever spare a thought for me???maybe yes n maybe no.. perhaps 90% no ba..maybe i am not good enough..At times, wanted to meet up..but he seems so busy..or do i really look like i am the one who is busy??? i really dun understand..i am feeling real down now..real sad..='(

i feel so sad now..haiz..dun wanna continue le..will come in to blog again some other day when i free..=(

i am hoping that one day everything will change for the better......i am missing something....

On Block Leave....

2007-11-23T03:02:00.001+08:00

Finally on block leave le..but so fast going to end soon..On leave for a week..then so fast fri le..mon going back to work le..nv had a good rest at all..was busy with my stuffs..dunno wat i did was worthwhile..but i enjoyed my this week alot..brought back alot of my memories..and think through alot of things..

This week, i learnt something new again although i on leave..i finally understand wat it means by: "the more u talk the more mistakes u will make"..i will learn my lessons de..just hope that everything will be fine..feeling abit sad as my leave is ending..but must say that i had a wonderful week..

Next week will be a week i treasure most..cos it's my officer's last week at the branch..she is the first person i met in the branch that made me feel that i should continue in this job..had so many setbacks at first when i start this new job..but she was the one behind me, supporting me n helping me cope with everything at work..i must really thank her for all her guidance..Without her, think i would have left the company le..dunno wat will happen after she left the branch..maybe things will be bad for me?? i also dunno..haiz..hope that things will be as bad as i thought for me after she leaves the branch..

Frankly speaking, sometimes i really still have the thought of resigning and giving up..cos the amount of work is really like too much..especially for this month..all the unreasonable expectations from the top are killing me..demanding for so many things at such a short period of time..maybe that happens to all the big organisations?? But there are also times when i really felt like i am really one of them in this one big family..the thought of all the fun we had at times will stop me from thinking of resigning or giving up..At the moment, there r still lots of things for me to learn at work..so still not the time to leave yet ba.. guess i will stay on till maybe May next yr then decide whether to move on to my next career path or to stay put in the company..

Enough abt work..Let me talk abt some other things..hmmm..i recently just realised, i had given alot of my savings to my dad throughout the six months i am working..i had managed to save like $2200 for the 6 months..but one msg from him and almost 5/6 of my savings are gone..felt so sad n disappointed with my dad..why can't he just turn over a new leaf?? Why must he always take money from me..i am so broke now n need to apply for ACCA..dunno wat i should do..he doesn't understand that i have no more money..he always think that by threatening to die, he will be able to get money from me..at this rate he is asking money from me, i will soon kill myself..i can assure him that i will be the one dying first and not him..he has this concept that as long as he msg me that he needs money, he will be able to get it..i work in a bank..not owns the bank..

This month is really a happening month for me..so many things happened to me..i quarrelled with my mum and heard her telling her friend that she was pissed to see me..and hated the sight me..i was so hurt when i heard that coming out from her..she was the one i loved most and she said that abt me..i worked so hard cos i wanted her to have a better life..but wat do i get in return?? Nothing..all she knew was to complain and complain..she just thinks that no one cares for her..but she is wrong..my bro, sis n me all care alot for her..we r all working hard to make her life better..at times, i felt that no one ever really listened to me..no one ever listened to how i feel..all were too busy to care..perhaps..my family and friends are all too busy to care and listen to a burden like me..

Hmmm..think i had said too much but above are some of the things i had thought through during my one week leave..so wanted to just blog it down..still have lots of things i want to write..but i am tired..so going off first..shall find another time to come in and write more..

I'm left with nothing........nothing at all..............

EMO.....

2007-10-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today is an emo day for me..i dunno wat's wrong with me today..but felt sad..really..i suddenly miss him so much..felt so lonely and bored..kept thinking abt him..i really hope so much to be with him..but think no chance ba..if gt chance, long ago already happened le..no need to wait till now..dunno if i should continue to wait or just let him go..i am feeling so down..

This few days mood not that good..cos gt alot of things for me to think..watever i do this week seems so wrong..dunno how to let all of u know..but i just felt that i am wrong..i think i shouldn't have told adrian those things ytd at dinner..i didn't expect him to announce to everyone..felt so sorry to shao yu..cos i accidentally said something which i shouldn't have said..hope shao yu will forgive me ba..

Things aren't that great at work..then plus going to register for ACCA soon..so need to pay the course fee le..abit scare that i won't have enough to pay for my course fee..dunno wat to do..so afraid that dad will take money from me this month..cos if he takes from me then i really won't have enough le..so worried everyday..haiz..why is my life full of worries..how i wish one day i will be free from troubles..

Today i really very emo..so think i dun wanna write le..hope everything will be better tmr..=)

i am missing u as well as the good old days we had.............

Finally can blog le!!!!!!!

2007-09-21T09:52:00.000+08:00

So happy..finally managed to get into blogger..haha..think my com gt problem..everytime cannot get in..hahaha..hmmm..i very long nv blog le..think gt a few months ba..time passes very fast..i already with DBS for almost 5 months le..

hmmm..i begin to feel abit sick of the ppl at my branch...especially my branch manager..she is really one kind..always find faults with ppl ard her..if ppl do wrong for once, she will think that the person is forever wrong..human beings do make mistake..dun tell me she nv make mistake in her whole life???she is that kind who would nv give ppl a chance..really dun like her..everyday when i think of her style of working, i will feel so sian n dun feel like going to work..need to drag myself to work..i really feel like resigning at times..cos it's too much to take..she has got full of stupid rules which she wants is to follow..talking abt her makes me feel so sian..she is always stressing everyone of us..

However, not all r like my branch manager..there are a few good ones though..like my officer..she is like my teacher..always teaching and helping me along..but i feel so sad ytd when i know that she is transferring out to other branch..i think i am going to get nightmare after she transfer out..cos there will be no one to talk to me, guide me along n helping me when i need help..cos my manager basically can talk but not work..haiz..so sad..hope she will e much happier at her new branch..=p i dun think i will stay in the branch for long..i've gt my plans..will see how as i go along..hahaha..=)

Ytd, went to have a gathering with jenn and MWO percussion section..went to swensons to meet kailing n jenn for dinner first..i nv eat..they eat..cos i not hungry..haha..9plus paulene came..followed by 10 plus kumar n kwee hong came..we went to Harry's for a drink..hahaha..then after that went home at ard 12 plus to 1 am..took a cab home with kumar..think i took long nv drink..so i go back abit headache..now also still gt abit headache..i drank only like one n a half cup of alcohol and i gt headache..hahaha..so funny..last time can drink more..but now like cannot le..maybe is cos too long nv drink ba..jenn is going to US tmr for 1 or 2 yrs..wanna wish her all the best there..haha..hope she will do well there..=)

Think i should stop here for now..cos i meeting jenn le..i am going to be late..hahaha..gtg le..will come in to blog again if i can get in..heehee..

Jenn, i wish u all the best in US..must remember to call me often ah..dun forget me hor..do take care over there..(",)

U will still be the one i am waiting for..................

Changes, changes n changes...

2007-06-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

Things ard us are always changing..even ppl ard us r changing..we, ourselves r changing too..why???

He had changed..changed alot..but why am i still holding on to him???why can't i give him up and let go of him???i really dunno why..To him, everything i do will nv be better than his other FRIENDS..his other FRIENDS are always better than me..when he is in need, the first person he thinks of will nv be me..u knew that i had feelings for u but u chose not to acknowledge it..u knew that i treated u well but u nv showed that u appreciated it..cos in ur heart u only have ur other FRIENDS..who am i to u??? N when i msg u, u nv reply..i am really disappointed..Do u still regard me as ur friend??

Hmmm..enough of him..now let's talk abt just now.. Just now went out for dinner with Darling n Irene.. Arranged for six ppl to meet up for dinner, in the end only three turned up..n that is Darling, Irene n me..the other three couldn't make it..they r all BUSY with their own things..one gt dance, one going out with his friends n the other one LAST MIN cannot make it..not like us..so free to meet up to eat dinner together..I am not angry with any of them..i am just disappointed..cos it's been a long time since we had a chance to meet up with one another..but in the end only three could make it..i understand that everyone is busy..i am busy n so r the two of them who turned up..they r busy too..Is it really so difficult to just meet up for dinner?? Just a dinner n nothing much..if earlier on u knew that u can't make it, why last min then tell me??if u were me, how would u feel?? At least if u told me earlier, i could arrange for another day to meet up..we r perfectly fine with it..but why always wait till last min then tell me u can't make it??? i know that u didn't mean to wait till last min then tell me..u wanted to tell me last min cos u dun wanna spoil my day..but by doing that, u spoilt the rest of my day even more..haiz..i shall not continue..if not later become misunderstanding..just wanna write it here so that i won't keep it inside me..i better go sleep..

Kat, i am not angry with u..i am just abit sad n disappointed..

My thoughts!!!

2007-06-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

About two weeks plus nv blog le..cos was too tired to blog when i get home from work everyday..tmr off from work..so can blog..many things happened during the past two weeks..

First was that i went to see my doctor on 30/05/07 as i was having migriane..then my doctor told me something that shocked me a little..he said that my blood pressure was higher than normal ppl of my age..i couldn't believe it but i gt to accept the fact..hmmm..he said that it was because i am too stressed up..stress was also the cause of my migriane too..so he told me that i should try not to be so stressed up..as it will not be good for me in the long run..think i got to try my best to relax more n not be so stressed up..i should also eat more healthy food in future..if not i may end up having high blood pressure in future..hahaha..

There are some reasons why i am so stressed up..hmmm..ever since i started working in DBS, i have these fear in me..fear that i won't be able to save up enough for my studies..fear that i can't give my mum a better life..my greatest fear is that my dad would keep taking money from me..n this really happened shortly after i gt my first salary..i really dunno wat i should do..seeing his hp no appearing on my hp, will turn me off..as i know that he wants to take money from me again..first is $100..then is $200..next is $100 n so on....i really dunno how much i should earn so that i would have enough to give him..i am really feeling so tired n stressed..i need to save up for my studies too..nobody understands..

There was once when he wanted to take $200 from me n i told him i have not enough as i need to save up for my studies, he called to quarrel with me..saying that i have grown up and dun regard him as my father anymore..i really did not say that i dun regard him as my father anymore..i just say that i need to save up for my studies..wat's wrong with me saying that??? Am i really wrong?? i really dun understand wat he is thinking and wat i should do next..i am really lost..no one could help me..no one could understand how i feel..not even my mum, brother n sister..i had no one to talk to..so i chose to keep it to myself..

A few days after that incident whereby he wanted to take $200 from me n i did not give it to him, he msg me n told me that he is going to die..n said that my brother n i had grown up..so if he is dead, we must take good care of my sister..this is not the first time he said something like this to me..i am really sick n tired of this..when will he stop his stupid act?? i really can't take it anymore longer..so wat if he is dead???Does that mean that everything will be solved if he die??? Leaving us behind to pay off his debts..leaving us behind to answer to his family members..n to my grandmother..leaving us behind with all his burdens..is that being fair to us??? I am really pissed off..really..going to break down soon..no one is there to share my problems with me..where is everyone when i needed them most?? Can anyone tell me when will all this end???

Seeing my mother work so hard really hurt me alot..working from day till night, mon to sun..i really would like to give her a better life from now on..but i realised that i can't do it..i can only give my mum $300 per month..cos my dad is always taking money from me..n i need to save for my studies..i know that $300 per month is too little for my mum..feel so sorry for my mum..really..i hope that i really hoped that i could give my mum more in future..sorry mum..

As for my work at DBS, i am still trying my best to cope..i gradually realised the ppl there are all so fake..most of them are selfish n fake..they are not willing to teach..n all they do is just push all the responsibilties away from them..they pass me things to do but nv tell me how to do it..when i ask, they won't answer me..i find it abit hard to work in this kind of environment..at times i really feel like giving up, quit n look for another job..but the thought of my mum, stops me from giving up so soon..cos i know that if i quit so soon, my mum will be very disappointed n even more worried..for my mum's sake, i must try my best to get use to the environment..if it's really too much for me to take it, i will go look for another job before quitting..so that my mum won't be so worried for me..now i just hope that my bro will get a job asap so that he could contribute abit to the family n to my mum.. then i would be less stressed up..n hopefully my blood pressure will be lowered n i won't have migriane so often..

Actually, i still gt alot to write..but i think is too much le..i shall continue another time or in another entry..(",)

Finally can go in to blog!!!

2007-05-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

Finally can go in to blog..tried for so long..hahaha..today was the last day of training..abit sad..cos everyone will go back to their respective branch le..will definitely missed the days we spent together during training..everyone jiayou,k?must keep in touch ah..took alot of pics in the afternoon today..was a memorable day today..ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE!!!!=)

ytd, went to band..gt mr soichi..i like the way he conducts the band..everyone played so beautifully..ytd's practices was nice!!i didn't really go for the previous practices..so abit blur ytd..was sight reading..still managed to play through the whole song..but not that good..cos lack of practice..think really must practice hard leh..cos they say tama gt perform..scare later he scold..haha..think ever since MAPC stopped, my playing also nv improve le..then ytd like too long nv play..after band, my fingers pain..cos carry the crash cymbals..then still must play very loud..haha..fingers pain = need to practice more often le..cannot slack too much le..really need to spent some time practicing le..not much time left..cos think concert is on 16th july..if wanna play, must play well..if not dun play..hahaha..(",)

then after band, went to eat with shaun and chun meng at burger king..eat till very full..talked alot also..talked abt our sec sch time..then talk abt band n talked abt many other things..the group was small ytd..cos nuraizah, brenden, siti, diana they all not there..but still not bad..not that weird..at least still gt things to talk abt..after dinner went walk walk with shaun..then after that went home le..cos today gt work..when gt home, i have headache again..ate my medicine then watched tv till 1am..in the end slept ard 1 plus..=p

tmr think going gym with shaun after work..so think i going to sleep le..tmr strt work at 8.10am..need to sleep early so that can wake up tmr..nitez..=p

Need to save as much money as possible!!!!

2007-05-27T02:24:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..just did a calculation on the total amt of money i would need if i study ACCA..it's ard $10,000..really hope that i could save as much as possible when working at DBS..hope that i can save up this much by next yr june..then i can start my studies at ACCA in july next yr..dun wanna drag for too long..cos i am hoping for a better future and prospect..would like to go into audit if i can make it!! i will work hard to achieve my goals..one day i will be an outstanding auditor..i am sure i can do it!! Must really jiayou le..trust me..i will do well n not disappoint u this time..=p

ytd just gt my first full time job de pay..very happy..so fast going to work at DBS for a month le..had great fun at the learning centre..met alot of friends n they are so funny..all like to joke..i really enjoyed the times i had with them..monday will be our last day attending training together..cos after that, we will be posted back to our branch le..hope that everyone will do well in their respective branch..must take care wor..n must keep in touch n meet up often,k?
so sorry for nt being able to join u all for dinner..enjoy urself..k?=p

Fri had migraine again..as usual pain till i vomit..haiz..dunno wat's wrong with my head..everytime gt migraine..was still ok in the afternoon..but towards evening time dun feel well le..then still met up with my branch ppl after course to do some art work for some competition..felt so terrible..then can't take it anymore..so vomitted..felt better after that..but..still feel the pain..then wanted to take a cab home..but in the end nv..went to take train..luckily train not that slow..if not i will feel more terrible..finally reached home at 10pm..took some porridge which i bought it on my way home..then went to bathe n sleep after that..felt better the next day..hope i would get migraine so often..cos will really feel very terrible..

Just now went out with wanying's parents n her uncle n auntie..we went to have dinner at westmall foodcourt..then after that went to her uncle n auntie house to sing karaoke..haha..they just bought the karaoke system not long ago..n uncle told me that there are 7000 songs installed inside..gt alot of new songs..then can also input songs on their own..so many songs to choose..it's really like going to kbox..hahaha..so fun..n from their house, can see very nice view of singapore..i really enjoyed myself there..so long nv felt so relax le..can see nice view, sing nice songs..=p

hmmm..it's 3.05am now..think i am going off to sleep le..tmr gt to wake up early..shall stop here..nitez! (",)

Did i make the right choice????

2 weeks le..

2007-05-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone!! I am back!!hee..after so long..now working at dbs le..so far still quite free..but tiring..so nv come in to blog..everyday go home just feel like sitting on the sofa to watch tv till time to go sleep..hahaha..i think i like pig..but i enjoy myself..cos after work, the best is can stay at home to rest..

oh ya..before i forget, i must wish my darling happy birthday first..haha..cos today is his birthday..i nv forget..just abit late..let me know when u free..then we go buy ur present..i am serious..so better tell me when u free ah..haha..

now let me talk abt my new job..so far i only went back to branch for 3 days..the rest of the days i at DBS learning centre training..the training was fun..learnt alot from the training..abit like lecture..so i everytime almost fell asleep..get to know alot of friends there..all of them very fun & loving..was really nice to meet them..gt alot to say abt the new job..but dunno how to start..maybe just say it as fun..=p

realised that recently i really very good..after work go straight home..seldom go out..maybe is cos all my friends busy..hahaha..busy with work like me or busy with studies..hope to be able to meet up with some of them real soon..but dunno when..hahaha..maybe also cos i tired..then dun nv ask them out..so nv meet ba..i also dunno..

hmmm..i dun seems to have much things to write today..dunno wat is wrong with me..maybe i tired..brain not working..think i will stop here..maybe tmr morning then come in to write..cos tmr no work..graduation day..haha..going to rest le..BB..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U once again!!

Finally..

2007-05-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

Finally, i can post..haha..so happy..keep trying..but cannot get in for the past few days..so this gonna be a long long long post..

Friday (04/05/07)

It's a very unforgettable day for me..cos it's my last day at popular..plus it's my birthday..so it's really a special day for me..my last day at popular was great!! My colleagues were so nice..All knew that i am leaving then all wish me all the best..one of them bought me a packet of sweets and also bought me cakes..cos she know that it's my birthday..then penny gave me an 'ang bao' saying that it will bring me good luck at my new work place..really thanks everyone of them there..=p abit can't bear to leave popular..but i have to leave for my new job..will always remember everyone at popular who had help me so much and also the times i spent working at popular!!

Then after work, went home n meet mama, brother, his gf n my sis for dinner..we went to causeway point's soup restuarant to eat our dinner..really enjoyed my dinner..were talking, joking and eating at the same time..talked abt my new job etc..haha..so happy that my family really cares so much for me..my mama especially..she so excited that i starting new job le..even more anxious than me..haha..the dinner was nice..but very exp..feel so bad..cos brother paid the bill by himself..thanks alot brother!!! haha..next time will be my treat,k??haha..after dinner, we went to walk walk..go shop ard causeway point..cos mama seldom gt time to shop..then secondly is i need to shop for clothes for my new job..so go shop ard..in the end only bought one thing..haha..thanks mama for paying..after shopping, went to the fun fair..nv go in..cos need to pay to go in n still need to pay to play..not worth it..so nv go in..n was already very late..so went home to cut cake..haha..

Reached home at 10.45pm..then waited for brother to come back..cos he sent his gf home..waited till like 11.45pm then cut the cake..so late..haha..oh yah..my dad bought me that cake..was really touched when he told me that he bought me a cake..for the 20yrs, think this was the first time he bought me a cake..so i am very touched..thanks dad!! =p so that was how i spent my birthday this yr..haha..although nv do alot of things, but i am very happy..cos can spent time with my family..(",)

Must also thanks all the ppl who remembered my birthday!!! Really appreciate it..thanks alot everyone!! Love you guys!! n also thanks everyone for the presents!! Thanks marcus for the mp4 n also for being the first to wish me Happy Birthday!! Last but not least, thanks Kat for being the special one..for being the last to wish me Happy Birthday on that day itself..haha..u r so cute!!

Saturday (05/05/07)

Went out to celebrate my birthday with shaun, nuraziah, siti, chun meng, brenden n joanna..went to watch spiderman..was nice..but i fell asleep in the middle..cos i was too tired..haha..then they all look at me..so paiseh..after movie we go eat at long john sliver..then rotted there thinking of where to go n wat to do..in the end went to kbox..sang till 11plus..enjoyed myself there..everyone sing till so high..haha..next time must go again ah..haha..they bought me a shirt n a pants..very nice..but low cut..will find one day to wear it for everyone to see..haha..thanks alot for the present..i like it alot!! n thanks for celebrating for me too..(",)

Sunday (06/05/07)

Went for band in the afternoon..then played 3 songs..cos i was late..haha..but quite fun also..think i gt back the feel le..=) after band, went to west mall with marcus..go buy a pair of long pants and a bag..cos tmr start work le..haha..hmmm..then go buy old chang kee buy food n go back home..haha..rotted at home till now..think going to sleep le..tmr first day start work cannot late..haha..

k la..i go off le..nitez everyone!!! haha..(",)

1 more week...

2007-04-28T11:02:00.000+08:00

1 more week n i will be leaving popular..the place i have worked there for 3yrs n 4months..can't bear to leave but no choice..got to leave for a full time job..will be starting work at dbs on the 7th of may..worst thing is my last day at popular is on my birthday..so think on my birthday i will be sad ba..cos will miss the times i worked at popular especially during nov n dec period..working in a bank will be very different from popular le..will be handling different groups of customers le..no longer handling with those small little pri 1 & 2 kids..they r all so cute..everyday i see them i will be very happy..cos they r like always so happy n joyous..no troubles n worries..haha..not like us..hmmm..so fast 3yrs le..n it's now time for me to leave le..

Wanna thanks everyone who had taught me in one way or another during my 3+ yrs in popular..i really learnt alot n i will always remember wat everyone had taught me..i will apply those things i had learnt in popular at dbs if they r relevent..during this 3+yrs, i made alot of mistakes at work..but also learnt alot from the mistakes i made..i am glad that i was always given a chance to learn n correct myself from the mistakes i made..The person i wanna thanks most is erica..she really taught me alot during the 3+yrs..so much that i dunno how to write it down here...but i know in me..that she really taught me alot..when i made a mistake, she will correct me..when i dunno anything, she will teach me.. that's how i learn so much at popular..i changed from the 'very blur' serene to the 'not so blur' serene...haha..seen so many ppl leaving popular during the 3+yrs n now it's my turn to leave..haha..i should be happy that i am leaving..cos i will be able to learn more things from other sector..i will always remember wat i learnt at popular n not make the same mistakes in future..=p It was really a fun n great experience working at popular..=)

Hmmm..enough of popular..now shall talk abt my new job..i will be starting work at DBS Bukit Timah Plaza Branch from 7 may onwards..haha..although most of the days in May i won't be at the branch..cos gt training..but i will be stationed there after my training..haha..quite excited..but at the same time scare..cos going to a totally new environment to work..dunno everyone there..n must adapt to the new environment..haha..will do my best in this new job de..i am still young..so must learn to adapt to new environment fast..=p

That day i said that i may be celebrating my birthday alone..but ytd mama told me that she took half day off on friday to celebrate my birthday with me le..i am so happy..haha..at least this yr i will get to celebrate with my family on the actual day..think mama knows that friday will be my last day at popular..then i will be even more sad if i were to celebrate my birthday alone..so she took half day off to celebrate with me..i am so touched n happy..really thanks my mama for doing that..i will work hard in future so that she wonlt have to work so much in future..(",)

Fall sick on tues night...had flu n sorethroat..wed night had fever, flu n sorethroat so went to see doctor..only felt better today..haha..but still gt flu n cough..but not as bad as the past few days le..haha..later going to kbox with shuyun n huijiao..so long nv go kbox le..haha..so going there today..but maybe cannot sing alot..cos voice still abit weird..haha..but nvm..so long nv see huijiao..so it's good to meet up with them..haha..

Just now talked to my darling, he said that he gt into some trouble...hope that everything will be fine for him soon..dun think too much,k? i believe everything will be fine for u de..dun be sad,k? i will be there for u..hahaha..prove to them that u not wat they think!! U hv my support!! haha..Cheer up,k?=p

k la..i shall stop here..cos going to prepare something..hahaha..later going out le..(",)

P.S. Marcus, must cheer up n dun think too much,k? U hv my support.. Most importantly, dun leave me alone in band ah!!! haha..(",)

Fall sick le..

2007-04-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

Fall sick again..just now in the afternoon still ok..till ard 8plus then dun feel that well le..kept sneezing and nose block..then felt so unwell n tired..haiz..everytime suddenly like that..think gt flu again..then throat abit weird also..hope tmr will feel better..if not mama will ask me go see doctor liao..dunno y i will fall sick so easily..so puzzled..this time i think is cos i was caught in the rain this morning..then went into air con room for whole day..so become like that..

ytd, met kat n darling for dinner..i was late but nt the last..darling was last..kat was the first to reach..haha..went to food cout to eat n talk..then after that we went to arcade to play..kat n i played the basketball game..we only managed to get into the 3rd stage..cos no strength when we reached the 3rd stage..then we went to play the music game..there were 9 buttons to press..each of us took 3 buttons..chose all the funny funny songs..then the last song we chose happened to be 'spaceship yamato'..darling reacted so slowly..it took him so long to realise that the song is spaceship yamato..think he must be tired le..haha..we played till ard 9plus then headed home le..cos they gt school the next day n i gt work the next day..so went home earlier than usual..really enjoyed myself ytd..=p

i feeling terrible now..so think i will go to bed now..if not tmr will be worst..will come in to blog another day..(",)

What do i really want???

2007-04-22T09:25:00.000+08:00

Back to blog after a long long time..Was too lazy to blog..

Thursday (19/04/07)
I went back to my sec sch to look for my maths teacher..then she asked me if i have found a job..i told her not yet but going for 2nd interview at DBS for the post of customer service representative on friday..hmmm..then she was quite shocked and asked me this question in return: 'What do you really want??' she asked me if i really wanna go into banking sector cos i studied accounting..n she asked me y i dun wanna go find an accounting related job..she even said that she dun wanna me to regret after i go into this sector..i am really confused..i really dunno how i should answer her..at that point of time, i realised that maybe i really dunno wat i really want.. but one thing i am sure abt myself is that i am interested in the DBS customer service representative post..but many felt that i should not go for this job as it is not related to my course of study..then they say that i gt a diploma in accountancy then i go n work as a so called 'bank teller' is a waste..hmmm..only a few felt that i should go for that job to gain working experience..so i am really confused..if i am offered that job, should i reject it or offer it??

Friday (20/04/07)
I went to DBS for the 2nd interview..it was quite ok..i asked abt how i could advance in this career with this post..the manager said that having a diploma in accountancy gives me the advantage as i could go into accounting, financing or auditing in DBS in future..she said that while i work as a customer service representative, i could gain experience in this sector..then in future if i wanna switch to the accounting, financing and auditing part, it will be easier..cos i know how the bank works le..this is also quite true..surely i won't stuck there as an customer service representative forever..i felt that i am still young and i wanna try other sector before i really go into full accounting related job..but many dun agree with me..even my brother also thinks that i shouldn't go for that post..i know that he is concern abt my future..but i really would like to give it a try first..hope i could convince him..

I am getting older soon le..in abt two more weeks..haiz..really dun want that day to come..cos i think this year i will celebrate my birthday alone..think this yr won't be like last yr le..i guess..had the BEST birthday last yr..i will always remember that..but this yr think no one would be free to celebrate with me ba..all so busy with their work or studies or something else..

So fast 20 yrs old le..so that means grow older le..must really grow up le..cannot everything also let my mother worry..hope to get a job soon and give some money to my mum every month..so that she can work less..if not she will be very tired..everytime see her so tired, i see le i really heartache..tell her to work less then she will say that my dad nv bring money back n we still haven't work full time so cannot work less..everytime i hear her say that, i feel sad n useless..but i can't do anything except for looking for a full time job quickly..then she will agree to working less..so i really hope that i could find a full time job soon..

i abit sianz le..dun wanna continue writing le..will blog some other time le..

Really miss the days we had together..

Happy Saturday!

2007-03-25T01:26:00.000+08:00

Just now met kat n marcus at ard 12plus..then take bus go np with marcus cos he needs to order laptop..after we order laptop, we decided to go JP..then waited at the bus stop..but so funny..we waited so long for the bus..but in the end found out that we waited at the wrong bus stop..so cross over to the other bus stop n take bus 154 to JP..then on the bus, all three of us fell asleep..sleep till reaching boon lay interchange..

By the time we reach JP already going to 4pm le..haven't had our breakfast n lunch..so went to subway to eat..kat n i eat untill very full..but marcus say he still not that full..after we eat, we went to buy movie tickets..we go watch just follow law..the movie starts at 6.45pm..so still early then we go walk walk at JP..actually say today wanna go out n buy things..but in the end we nv buy anything..cos all not suitable..

walk ard for so long then finally 6.45pm..can go in watch the movie le..so many ppl crowding at the entrance..so difficult to go in..but managed to squeeze in..the show quite funny..but not the best of jack neo's movie..but the thing is Fann Wong really act untill so good..dun care abt her image at all..haha..so funny..hmmm..gt some parts marcus, kat n me think is funny..so we laugh..then only the three of us laugh..abit weird..but we enjoy lah..

Then after the show kat n marcus accompany me go see doctor..cos i this few days kept having headaches..so went to see doctor..doctor say think is i too stress at popular that's y i headache so gave me some headache medicine n muscle relaxer..so that i won't feel so tense or stress..haha..hope it will work..think is cos i work at mgs then like that..cos last yr i also kept headache when i work at mgs..then after that nv work at mgs then no more headache..now the same thing happen..so i suspect is cos i work at mgs..over there too many things to do..haha..

then after that we went to eat..i share the porridge with kat..cos i not very hungry..then no appetite..talked at the coffeeshop awhile then go back le..cos by then already 10 plus le..if dun go back later marcus n kat will reach home very late..

i tmr still got work..so think i going to sleep le..if not later headache again..hahaha..nitez..=)

P.S. Must thanks kat n Marcus for accompanying me to see doctor..(",)

Back from an interview..

2007-03-12T11:18:00.000+08:00

Just gt back from an interview..the company is SP powergrid..hmmm..dun think they will hire me..cos they like dun think i am good enough for the job ba..abit sad..cos that person say something like.."i dun think u r interested in accounting..cos ur results not that good.." i was like..wth..poor results = no interest in accounting???? if in the first place, i have no interest then i won't go for this job le..y still bother to go for the interview..wake up so early for the interview then let ppl say something like that..if they dun wanna hire me just say it earlier..dun hv to waste each other's time..then my diploma like waste liao..cos results poor = no interest in accounting..i think next time no need to use the diploma..use 'O' levels cert can le..cos ppl think that is no point..gt diploma but poor results also no use..no one will hire me de..haiz..i know that my results not that good..but everyone make mistakes..so wat if i can't get good results..i should also be given a chance to prove myself right????haiz..so frustrated..lose my confidence le..

Hmmm..then ytd went out with HONEY n Kat..haha..then kat make us wait for so long..cos she fell asleep..suppose to like meet ard 2pm..but in the end met up with her at 5pm..haha..went to causeway to eat and shop..then also went there to talk..go shop supermarket..then after that went to take passport photo for interview..after all this we went to sit down at the woodlands mrt there n talk till 10pm..hmmm..ytd wasn't feeling that good..cos kat told me something shocking..was abit sad after she told me that..wanted to ask that person abt that matter..but i dunno how i should ask..dunno if wat she told me is really true..but i am feeling so confused..it should be a good thing..but i feel sad..haiz..dunno y i will feel this way..i even dreamt abt that matter last night..haiz..hope that it will be the right choice for her ba..haiz..i think i am crazy..write so much but think most of u still dunno wat i am talking abt..hmmm..will tell u all abt this some other time..think maybe kat n my sis will know wat i talking abt ba..

so sorry to make everyone read a piece of junk by an useless person with poor results..

maybe i am really useless ba..can't even go n ask that person abt that matter..haiz..hoping for her to tell me abt this on her own...but will she do that???or will she keep it from me till the last min????sad...

finally graduated le!!!

2007-03-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

finally graduated le..gt my results on wed..n passed all my modules..did better than the rest of my semesters..haha..so happy..but gpa still very poor..then still looking for a job now..so boring dun wanna go for interviews..haha..cos always ask same qns de..next week gt two interviews..one is from singapore power n one is from dbs..more interested in the dbs one..haha..hope can get into the dbs one..hee..

for the past few days, met up with kat and marcus for almost everyday..haha..wed went to eat with them cos they say wanna celebrate with me for graduating le..haha..then thus brought marcus to mapc..then in the end make him sit there n listen to us talk..no practice again..haha..only went there to talk..then ytd went to holland v with them..cos marcus say he wants to go there buy cookies..then in the end all the cookies sold out..haha..then went to eat at holland v..after that went to cold storage to buy cookies..haha..so happy with them..always gt alot to talk and joke..so fun..enjoy myself with them..=) Must thank them for always keeping me company for this period of time..then they even accompany me wait for results on tues night..haha..talked to them on the phone till 1.30am..then go see results in email..if they nv talk to me till so late, dun think i can stay awake so long to wait..thankz guys!!!! also wish u guys good luck for the jae appeal..will pray hard that u all will appeal successfully..hope u all get to the course that u all want..Best of luck to u guys wor..(",)

Hmmm..just realised that gt show for me to watch le..so i shall stop here n go watch the show le..haha..will come in to update again..bye..(",)

Few more hours to release of results!!!

2007-03-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

Feeling so nervous..cos i kept having a feeling that i will fail MA2..then i will dream that i fail MA 2..really hope that it's not true..cos if fail need to wait for one more yr to graduate..will be a waste of money..then pay whole semester school fees for just one modules..really not worth it..must pray hard that i won't fail any modules..haiz..so scared..but wat done cannot be undone le..can only pray hard now..hopefully everything will be fine..=P

Now still looking for a full time job..still haven't found one..so think slowly find ba..then while finding, i still working at popular..worked lesser hours now..one day only worked like 5 hours..cos dun wanna work there le..work there no feel le..no longer like last time..so enthusiatic le..dunno y i become like that..haha..maybe is growing older le that's why..heehee..hope to slowly let go of this job..so that i can adapt to new work place fast if i gt one..maybe that is also the reason why now i work there everything also dun care..haha..

i so long nv blog le..so must update awhile..new yr was ok..but abit bored..cos every yr do the same thing..go the same place..but it is a time for everyone in the family to gather..so i like it..except that abit sian..haha..now everyone working and schooling all so busy so new yr is the best time to get together..then talked to each other, joke around and understand how everyone is doing..

during the 7th day chinese new yr, went to celebrate my grandma's birthday with my relatives and family..had fun there..we were singing, eating, talking and joking..really like one big family..every chinese new yr i will look forward to all this day..haha..cos can sit together n have fun..=)

then last thurs went to eat sakae sushi with kat n marcus..enjoyed ourselves..but was damn full..cos ordered too much..the three of us eat until wanna vomit..hahaha..then as we eat, we joke ard..making me feel like puking..haha..then i laughed like mad..hahaha..really like crazy liao..really enjoyed myself with them ard..must go out more often with them then i won't feel so bored..haha..but go out cannot eat sakae sushi le..cos will vomit de..too scared..especially with marcus around..haha..

then sat went back to fuhua..for homecoming..the programmes not that gd..but at least we get to see our friends..haha..so long nv see them..then can go n see them to chat with them i felt so happy..too some photos too..but still with wanying..must get from her when i see her online..haha..dunno when will see her..haha..but nvm..i can wait..haha..

i today like blog alot..cos i very free..just now ask to leave early from work..cos i abit tired n bored..then abit pissed off..so left earlier..i abit bad to leave like that..but i dun wanna stay there..cos i cannot take it..haha..so come back n rest..then later midnight wait for results..i really so scare that i will fail any modules..hope i won't fail..so everyone pls pray hard for me..k??? thanks alot..hahaha..

k la..think i wrote enough le..so gtg le..will come in some other time to blog..bye..=)

p.s. mike i updated my blog le..(",)

Too free..nothing to do..

2007-02-11T02:33:00.000+08:00

Too free after exams..no more things need to study..so kept coming in to blog..heehee..just now went to J8 with my sis to xiao zhu's autograph session..waited for so long then get the signature..then gt so many ppl kept cutting queue..but luckily xiao zhu got sign finish all..so many ppl..haha..then went up the stage, so happy..cos so near look at him..then was there for so long..cos he talked to his helper then haven't sign..so my sis n i stand there for sometime looking at him at such a near distance..haha..so happy..high man..he is so good looking and nice..gt ppl queue till almost fainted when go up the stage..then he stood up wanting to help her..haha..then his helper go over to help that lady le..so caring to his fans..so good..haha..

then after getting his signature, went to buy clothes for my sis..bought two shirts for her n it cost $42..for two..still ok lah..one yr once..ytd was quite angry with her..but after awhile not angry le..cos after all she is my sis..hmmm..if angry with her for so long also no point...haha..i not so petty de..

This few days, everytime when i free, i will think alot..cos gt nothing to do..then i will worry that i will not be able to get a job after new yr..i worry that no company will want me..so kept thinking if i should accept the job offer i mentioned the previous blogs..i so confused..dunno if i accept will be a right choice..i really dunno...want to talk to ppl abt this..but dunno who to talk to..now only managed to talk to Ms Teo abt this..then she ask me to slowly go find a job.. hope slowly can find one..if not will have no income at all..haha..so pathetic..

then also thought abt something else..i realised that i think i already have no feelings for him le..maybe that is a good thing for me n him..maybe already faded or maybe already felt that it's hopeless le..waited so long..but nothing i do seems to work..maybe just not fated to be together..abit sad..cos did so many things..then is this kind of ending..it's really so difficult to love someone..really really difficult..i gave up le..i am tired..

this monday i going to MGS to work..actually i dun feel like working..but i dunno how should i tell erica..so agreed to help..haiz..felt so packed for the coming week..then i dun like to work at MGS..cos they very rude to customer..then i dun like..later work there kanna complain..then die..i still like to work at ACS..Last Fri went back to ACS to work..then i like it alot..the feeling is so good..hmmm..but Fri got abit moody..cos i felt so hopeless..wanted to help ACS..but no time to help n cannot help much..cos i know that i will be going to MGS to work le..then maybe no need to go back ACS le..cos if found a job then leaving liao..then i wanna help but scare later help half way also not good..so abit moody..haiz..i dunno wat i am thinking..always so confused..

Also felt that i have very few friends..like everytime needed someone to talk to then find nobody to talk to..why am i so pathetic???sad..

hmmm..so late le..i still here writing crap..haha..i really think too much hor..haiz..one day i crazy then die le..heehee..k la..i go sleep le..cos i tired le..will come in to write again..good night..(",)

Where were u when i needed u most????????????

Heartache...

2007-02-09T23:43:00.001+08:00

There goes my $50..Worked so hard to earn that money..gave u $100 to buy clothes n you lose the money i gave u..got to stand for like 10 hours to get that $50..n let ppl scold n humiliate for 10 hours then can get that money..n just say money lost then everything like nothing happen le..i really so heartache..if that money come so easy then i dun mind..i am really sad..already so poor le..then still like that..i worked till whole body ache..back ache like hell..also dun wanna go see doctor..cos very expensive..then save to give u that money n u lose it..gt a feeling that the money will lost..ask u dun bring to sch..but nv listen to me..just say won't lose the money..broke ur promise..tell me u will take good care of the money but in the end is like that..no one is at fault..is my fault..i purposely give the money to u so that ppl can steal..is all my fault..u r not to blame..i am the one to be blame..everytime so suay..dunno y..damn it..so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4th day after exams...

2007-02-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

Ytd went to chalet.. then nv sleep for the whole night.was playing mahjong..now so tired..then went back in the morning with ravi..cos he drove there..after reached home,went to bathe..then after that went back to fuhua to look for Ms Teo..so long nv go back..so went back today..realised that nowadays kids are getting more n more rude..haiz..think last time we also not so bad towards teacher..times really change le..not like before le..so old liao..then talked to Ms Teo abt the past..really missed the past..haiz..if still in sec sch will be good..no so much worries..Ms Teo ask me to go work first then after that go study ACCA..she say like that then will treasure n study harder..i also agree with her..most probably will do that..

Then after Ms Teo went for classes, i looked for Mrs Chia n talked to her..she was asking if i could go uni..i told her that i cannot..cos results not that good..like abit disappoint her..but i told her that i will go for ACCA n do well for that..so that's my goal for now..hmmm..then after that helped Ms Hoe paint the banner for Chinese New Year..But i think i didn't do a gd job..then was talking abt the past also while we were painting..she also asked me the same qns as wat mrs chia asked..she asked if i could go to uni..i told her i can't..then she ask me y..haiz..dunno how to answer..then she asked me if is cos i nv study..hmmm..i did study..but maybe is nv work hard enough ba..but i tried my best le..will really work hard in ACCA..that is my last chance le..dunno if i should enrol in the july intake or jan intake for next yr..will decide later on..need to do some planning first..After talking to the teachers, i have clearer idea of wat i want..i always go talk to Ms Teo..cos she can give me advice..n everytime after talking to her, i not so lost le..

hmmm..i roughly gt an answer whether to reject or accept that job offer i mentioned earlier on le..just need some time to think through..

Suddenly felt so packed next week..cos still gt lots of things to prepare for new yr..need to clear house..still haven't do yet..actually just now wanna clear house..but was too tired..gt headache..nv even go for mapc..i so bad..so long nv go le..next week if have must sure go..just now slept till 11pm..still very tired..

i wanna go sleep liao..no energy to write le.. tmr then come in to write..good night..(",)

Plans...

2007-02-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

Back to post..i am so tired after going out with my mum n sis..actually wanted to buy clothes just now..but nv see any that i like..so nv buy..hmmm..gt to go on my own to buy some day before new yr..haha..

In the previous blog, i said that i gt alot to say..haha..wat i meant was that i want to say all my plans for now..now i just wanna enjoy..then at the same time send email to find jobs..maybe will accept that job offer which i mentioned earlier on..but still confused..dun understand y..maybe cos just finished exams..then too sudden le..actually, i dun really wanna get a full time job..cos i still wanna continue with ACCA..i scare if i get a full time job then i won't be able to concentrate on my studies..so still thinking whether to find part time job or full time job..

Intend to enrol in ACCA for the july intake de..cos i know that if i drag too long, then i won't have the mood to study anymore..so must faster enrol n start..then can faster finish studying..heehee..hope gt the money to enrol in july intake..

Hmmm..enough of writing le..cos i very tired le..gonna sleep le..good night..(",)

Finally finished all my exams!!!!

2007-02-06T16:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a month since i last blog..haha..was busy preparing for exams..that's why nv blog..ytd last paper..still ok..think can pass..but abit scare MA..cos abit tricky..hope that will pass..anyway is all over..hee..not going to think abt all this le..cos now just wanna enjoy..got a job offer today..but i nv say anything..dunno is i stupid or wat..haiz..i wanna consider for some time..but i nv say..i just kept quiet..so just let it be ba..dun wanna go work so soon..wanna rest first..then prepare for new yr..after new yr then think..haha..

Hmmm..so many things to do..cos new yr coming le..need to clear the house..my house is in a total MESS!! haha..so long nv clear le..going out with mum n sis le..to buy things..so long nv go out..so happy..i like crazy le..anyway..think i got to go first..later come back then blog..cos still gt alot to say..heehee..BRB..=)

THE DAY IS HERE....

2007-01-16T10:53:00.000+08:00

The day i am most afraid that it will come is here..this morning wake up then gt ppl from court come to my house..they come and seal everything in my house..then after that they will come n take our things to sell..hmmm..so sad..think my com will also be taken away..maybe this wil be the last time i using my house com to blog..cos i dunno when they will come n take away our things..really sad..knew that this would happen sooner or later..cos my dad owes the bank alot of money..so much till they coming to take all my things at home..he still say to let them seal..he said that he would settle it..everytime he said that he nv settle it..y must he lie?? y he dun go and pay the debts when he gt the money??y he must wait till this kind of things happen then he say he go settle??? i really dun understand..IAP is already a headache..n now one more problem..if the com being taken away, how r we supposed to do our projects??can anyone tell me??it's final for me..wat abt my brother??he still gt few months n alot of projects to do..think my sis will be very sad too..cos she spend most of her time with this com..then if being taken away, she will be very very sad..now is all the things in my house..then later will be the house le..soon..i really believe..

i wrote down all this here cos i gt no one to talk to..i need to get it out of me..if not i will go crazy soon..i wrote all this here not cos i want ppl to pity me..i still remember that someone who hurt me really alot..she said that i am just trying to show how pathetic i am and asking ppl to sympathy me..but i am not like that..whenever i think of her words, i felt so pain in me..i may be poor and pathetic, but i do not need anyone to pity me..cos i have hands and legs..i have backbones..i will work hard to earn money for myself, my mother, my brother n my sister..i believe that my mother n brother are also working hard to support us n themselves..so i dun need anyone to pity me..n i am not trying to get anyone to sympathy me..i am not that sort of ppl..must really thanks those who really care for me n who have helped me when i am facing any difficulties..without them, i may not be able to suvive through all the hard times..

For now, i dunno wat should i do..really lost..think now i will just study n concentrate hard for the coming exams..mustn't let all this affect me..if not i will be disappointing lots of ppl..hope that everything will be better after my exams..must really do well in my exams this time..

i am left with nothing......but glad to have a few ppl who r always there for me n encouraging me..

Confused...

2007-01-11T03:06:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..this coming friday, irene is going to leave ACS..then will not see her that often le..so scare that we would lose contact after she left the company..haiz..she is leaving, n i'm also leaving to study for my exams..dunno how ACS going to cope..cos still got alot of TB n WB not in yet..Wondering if they could cope with all the things..abit worry for their closing at the end of the day..then worry that they dunno how to receive stocks..like so many things nv teach them then leaving le..felt so irresponsible..but i have no choice..gt to do revisions for my exams..
Haiz..abit sad that irene is leaving..cos it was really a pleasure working with her..during the last three weeks working at ACS was my happiest moments le..cos everyone like help one another then like one big family..haiz..so happy..although it's abit tired n stress..but i felt happy working there..but think she leave le then i dun think i will go back so often le..cos someone will be back..n i dun want to be hurted by her anymore..so i chose to leave ACS too..Can't really bear to leave ACS..cos work there for so long le..work there for almost three yrs..the feelings are there..feeling so sad..can't believe that i will be leaving the company soon..haven't decide if i will continue working at popular till a find a job..but for the time being think i will stop working till after exams..need to concentrate..

Can't get to sleep now..cos alot of things to worry..IAP is my greatest fear..i am afriad that we will fail..like the other time..haiz..then followed by will be MA..haiz..want to do well for the coming exams but gt the fear in me..not very confident..see my past results, think i wasted the whole of my poly life..am i really in the wrong course?? dun even know if i could get a job after graduating..then ytd went to ask for the CCA points thing..then in the end that person say cannot get CCA points for the WMC last yr..cos that person say is not beneficial to SP..MUST THEY BE SO PRACTICAL????it's an international competition..not a national competition..dun see the point why i can't get CCA points for that..SP really is a bad school..so practical..hate it..frustrated!!!!!!!! Maybe i went to the wrong school..haiz..other poly can get CCA points for that..BUT NOT SP!!!!! IAP really dunno how to complete..seems that still alot more to go..seems like still far from completion..haiz..how???

Apart from work n school, still gt problems at home..dad nv take money home..then owe so many ppl money..also dunno how to repay the debts..it's really too much for me..i going to breakdown soon..can't take it soon..haiz..dun understand y he cannot think..y he just can't use money wisely..y must he owe so many debts when he know that he can't pay them in the first place..y is he working n not contributing to the family..everyday make us worry for his things..i gt alot of qns..but no ans to any of the qns..haiz..dun understand why he is working and nv take money back home..y he nv keep his promise..does he still care for the family? He still care for us???y he every month also want ppl to worry so much for his debts???Y he everytime say he not enough money???where did he spend his money?? i have no ans to these qns..everytime at night think of all this then will worry so much till can't sleep..is it fated to be like that??? When will he change to be a better father??? Really hope that this will come true one day..

I am thinking, thinking n thinking.....feeling so confused....='(

YEAR 2007..

2007-01-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

So fast n it's 2007 already.. So many things happened in the yr 2006..not a very good yr for me..hope this yr will be a better yr for me..haiz..had nightmares almost every night ever since it's 2007..kept dreaming abt the past events that are frightening..i am so confused..dunno wat to do..going to graduate soon..but still dunno wat i really want to do after i graduate..dunno want to find wat job..should i go n find a new job or continue working with the same company..still thinking..got alot of things that is stopping me from continuing..but also got alot of things that made me want to continue..i dunno how..wat should i do????? No one to talk to..no one to share with..no one to guide me to the next step in life..i am so confuse..who can i talk to??i really dunno..

Exams schedule are out..time to study hard..run my last lap..must really do well this time..beginning to feel stress out..scare that my results will be very poor again..i dunno wat to do..

Realised that my circle of friends are getting smaller n smaller..friends which i usually hang out with r all busy with their things...no time for me..last time meet up once every two weeks..then now become once a month or even never meet up at all for more than a month..Everyone really so busy???? Or everyone thinks that i am poor and not worth meeting??? During this three weeks de break, i everytime after work, dun feel like going home so early but dunno where to go..in the end, ended up loitering ard alone..dun wanna go home..cos go home will hv alot of things to think..cos of my dad..haiz..i am sad..lonely n confused..but no one knows or understands me..sometimes really feel like crying..cos i am feeling so bad inside..i am nv good at anything..always put in alot of effort for something but nv get back anything at all..work, school, family and relationship all like that..i have put in alot of effort for all this but i get nothing in return..the only thing i get is disappointment n more disappointment..am i really that bad???? Does everyone feels that i am bad????

Feeling so hurt deep in my heart.......................

So Selfish n unfair!!!

2006-12-26T03:14:00.000+08:00

Feeling so sad..It's so UNFAIR!!!He gets watever he wants n i can't..i can only use the worst ones..i hate it..he is so selfish..can't even help his sis..wat's the point of lending me a phone that almost spoil..no point..i also got one that is spoilt..i seldom ask him for favour..then today ask him to help me sign a new line so that i can replace a new phone, he ask me to use his gf's old phone first..that phone also going to spoil..later spoil liao going to blame me again..i might as well use my spoilt phone..at most ppl can't find me..so sad..we sibilings also cannot help..still call one family meh????Trying my very best to understand them n spare a thought for them everyday.. but i just realised that maybe i really still dun understand my family ppl..y they all become so selfish...dun even spare a thought for me..When i feel sad, they dunno..when i happy, they also dunno..when i am having a hard time at work, they also dunno..when i face problems at school, they also dunno..when i am not feeling well, they dun care..they just dun understand how i feel.. ='(

so difficult to help me sign a new line meh???? think i will 'hai' you???if i can sign, i will go sign on my own le..dun need to ask u!!! Is cos of someone in our family then i can't sign on my own..also not me..so angry n sad..still ask me go sign from starhub or singtel..if i gt the means, i will go sign le!!! abit of things also cannot help!!!!!! I AM SO PISSED OFF NOW!!!! STUPID!!! SELFISH N UNFAIR!!!! Everyone all like that..so selfish nowadays..haiz..all think of themselves only!!!!

Thought family members are supposed to help one another..but i was wrong..it was nv like that..i am very wrong... Heartbroken.. ='(

Finally got time to blog!!!

2006-12-25T11:54:00.000+08:00

Back to blog after two weeks..haha..first..must wish everyone a Merry Christmas n a Great New Yr..haha..Was so busy last week that i cannot remember the dates correctly..haha..so busy with work..sec one orientation..haha..everyday work till very late and tired..haiz..n also work till very frustrated..cos all the stupid customer..want this and want that..haiz..must enjoy today..cos today can rest..if not later must start to work again..very sianz..but i no choice..cos need money..family think i printer mah..think i print money..

i abit sad..cos my handphone spoil le..drop on the floor many times le..sad..then cannot sign new line with M1 for some reasons..haiz..so now can only use the spoil hp..sianz..thinking of going to see starhub gt wat promotion and see if starhub can sign..maybe later going to see.. haiz..going to broke if i buy a new phone..then i ask my brother to sign a line for me..then he dun want..so bad..he use good phone..then my phone spoil all dun care..haiz..sad..dunno y they like that..dun say lieo..say le more sad..

Talk abt ytd..haha..ytd went out with shaun, brenden, joanna, nuraziah, siti n chun meng..i reached too early at harbour front then waited for them for quite long..go walk walk at harbour front shopping centre first..then waited at the bus interchange..actually wanted to go sentosa..but nv go..cos raining ba..then brenden, shaun, joanna and me waited for the rest of the ppl at the hawker centre..brenden go buy carrot cake and shaun go buy sugar cane drink..haha..the carrot cake damn nice..haha..

Then around 3 plus, nuraziah, chun meng n siti reached le..then go over to the mrt there meet them..after that we went to buy tix for movie..so many ppl queuing for the tix and alot of the slots for night at the museum all selling fast..so in the end, we only left with the front sit..Row A..then go rot till movie time..the show not bad..quite funny..but neck abit pain..cos too front..haha..

Then after movie, we went to take pics..took alot outside vivocity at the christmas tree there..haha..then took bus back..on the way back, on the bus, took more pics..haha..so mad..ytd took alot of pics..haha..went to mac near bukit batok mac to eat..haha..then after eating go back home le..haha..walk with nuraziah to the bus stop to take bus..then on the way, we talked abt the modules we took..haha..so many things to say..cos same course mah..haha..but different school..haha..reached home in time to count down with mama n sis..haha..then after that go bathe le fell asleep soon after that..haha..

Today finally got plans liao..haha..going off to meet penny soon..haha..then go see hp..then after that go her house rot..then think later at night will bring my sis out to eat ba..haha..see how..must ask her if she wants..haha..later she wake up then confirm with her..haha..hmmm..k la..me go bathe le..cos going out liao..see u guys soon..haha..THANKS you guys (brenden, siti, chun meng, nuraziah, shaun n jonna) for the wonderful outing ytd!!!haha..(",)

P.S. Must also thanks crystal, mike n calista for that gift..haha..=p

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!Enjoy the day!!!

In IAP..so bored..

2006-12-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

Now in IAP..waiting for 5pm..a few minutes more..so bored..haiz..gt things to do..but i dun feel like doing anything..cos i abit tired and sianz..this few days family gt alot of problems..now still not yet solve..dunno how..haiz..no communication between anyone at all..really not like one family..i am exhausted le..tues can't take it anymore..then breakdown le..cried for sometime..haiz..think i scare my sis..cos i nv like that before..i really can't take it le..that's why i cried..felt better after crying..this few days dun feel like going back home so early..cos go back home will think alot...then will have headache..so will rot outside till i happy then go back..dunno y i like that..but i just know that i need a break..hmmm..going off le..cos 5pm le..will continue later..haha..bye..(",)

Can't control my feelings anymore..

2006-11-27T00:29:00.000+08:00

Been hiding my true feelings..now i realised that i really can't hide it anymore..i am feeling so down now..nobody to talk to and nobody understands..everybody just cares abt themselves..family like that, then friends also like that..everyone i know seems to change now..or am i the one changing???i really dunno..last time when i feel sad and down,still gt ppl there for me n cheer me up..but now...i am all alone..no one is there for me anymore..all busy..i really can't take it anymore..going to break down le..tears keep rolling down..can't stop it..i am such a failure..worked so hard..dunno for wat..no one appreciate it..all only think of money..one month work for afew days only..then ppl keep taking from me..i am only 19..not 20plus or 30 plus..i haven't come out to work..just working part time..why torture me like that..why keep taking money from me..why bring me to this world to torture me??????? Is really not that easy to work and study at the same time..i am really tired..really..need to do projects n revisions..then still need to work..if not no money to use..if in the first place, cannot support me..then dun bring me to this world..i really can't take it le..ppl at my age gt their parents' support..dun have to worry so much..why am i so different from them??? I have to give them instead of them giving me..y????i really dunno y..do i owe them alot in my previous life???feeling so lonely and sad..anyone there for me???

then wanna go out also dunno go where n go with who..this few times keep going to west mall alone to shop..shop n nv buy things..cos dunno wat to buy..just dun wanna go back so early..ask my friends to go out with me..then all not free..so pathetic..think one day i will die of loneliness..does anyone still remember me as their friend???feeling so empty in me..... :'(

wat is wrong?????my heart feels so empty now..have i given up on him le????

Back to post after a month...

2006-11-16T03:28:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..so long nv use the com..gt use also use for projects only..haha..that's y so long nv blog..then just now went to look at my blog realised i so long nv blog le..so came in to write something..Had been busy with lots of things for the past one month..so got no time..plus fall sick again..for onw week le..still coughing like hell..then nv go for my test on monday..cos was too sick..slept for 18 hours on monday..only awake for 6 hours..haha..think i really sickyguru..hahaha..

Quite a no of things happened during the one month..then very sian..so dun wanna write..haiz..had some misunderstanding with one person..then kanna her scold all sorts of vulgarities..first time in my life kanna scold so many vulgarities at one go..was quite angry..but dun wanna be too bothered by this person..cos i did nothing wrong..i managed to control my temper that day when she scolded me..if not..she won't have kanna from me le..hahaha..then my dad still ask me go report police..if only i taped it down..haha..but nobody would expect this thing to happen..so nv bring recorder..haha..but anyway..i won't be affected by this person..cos i know that i have ppl around me that really cares for me..=) Dun worry be Happy..haha..

Then this whole month besides doing projects, i still went to work..then was like damn busy at work..cos selling books le..yr end le ma..so need to sell books..every yr this time will be the busiest period le..haha..so many things to prepare..then carry books till i whole body ache..haha..but no choice..gt to work..cos must earn money to use..if not no money to use..haha..so busy n tired till nv meet up with y friends for quite some time le..

i also sorted out some of my feelings during this one month..think i had given up hope..after all that i have done n nothing in return..already had enough..n waited long enough..n furthermore..think no chance le..cos of something..so i think i will give up..At least i done watever i think it will work..but in the end..dun think any of them works..cos is all up to the other party..it takes both hands to clap..me alone cannot do much..not fated ba..that's all that i can say...time will heal all wounds..haha..so hope i will get over it soon..feel sad..but no choice..not fated..='(

Few more months to graduation..must do jiayou..for the last lap le...haha..can't wait to graduate..haha..but after graduate then need to go work..then i dun like..but also no choice..cos no work..no money..then cannot further study le..haha..so must work hard n save up for my future..hmmm..very late le..think i better go sleep liao..later get worst..then fri no need go take test le..haha..k la..i shall stop here..good nite..heez..(",)

Trying hard to forget..Can't stop ppl from doing wat they want..i must always remember to be true to myself..n that's good enough..

third week of sch end le..haha..

2006-10-14T04:21:00.000+08:00

One week le..i still sick..the voice still nt back to normal yet..haiz..dunno must eat wat then will ok..so many things happened at home this week..all nt good things..haiz..sad..dunno y this week so suay..so fast third week of school end le..tues gt mc..then rested at home..so the feeling is like i very slack this week..cos like go school for three days only..haha..

thurs IAP like alot of things to do..not enough time like that..haha..maybe is a good thing..at least we start to work on IAP le..then next fri gt to hand in MA2 project..half done..hope can finish by monday..then won't so stress..next week will have to rush for IAP n MA2..luckily no need to work next week..cos alot of schools close for PSLE marking day..so dun need ppl..haha..heng..then can concentrate on the projects first..hmmm..dun really wanna continue working..but no choice..cos no money..19 yrs old, owe ppl alot of money le..dunno how to pay..must work more to pay for the debts..pathetic..very frustrated..dun wanna say wat happened..maybe that's my life..that's wat i have to go through..hope things will get better soon ba..haha...life still have to go on..haha..=)

just finished playing games..today played alot of games..haha..went to MS with shaun after school..then go arcade play my favorite game..then go eat n walk walk..then after that when i reached home, i go play maple..haha..so long nv play..suddenly feel like playing..so play for three hours..then spent two hours playing puzzle fighter..haha..so total spent ard 6 hours playing today..had fun..very relaxed..now just stopped all my games..haha..so enjoyable..if can play games like that everyday then good..haha..think too much le..still need to study..no time de..somemore last sem liao..haha..

hmmm..think i better stop le..cos brother coming back from work le..later see me still haven't sleep wanna scold me le..cos i sick..then still stay so late..haha..i better go sleep now..Bye..haha..(",)

Sorethroat..No voice..

2006-10-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

Sorethroat then gt no voice..so sianz..wanna talk but cannot talk much...stupid haze..luckily today's haze better le..if not think i will be worst..haiz..so long nv blog..cos i very sianz..then wanna study also got no mood..dunno y..now at home rot..later doing research for MA..cos haven't do at all..haha..die le..next week need to hand up liao..hope can finish on time..then also must do IAP..cos slack for two weeks le..very fast school starts for two weeks le..i still slacking like hell..haiz..must JIAYOU!!!!!!!!!!!

So bored..dunno wat to write..throat very pain..so no mood..think dun write le.,,go do research le then go sleep..cos abit tired..k la..Bye bye..=(

Disappointed...

2006-09-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..Now in IAP..then slacking..doing nothing..no mood to do anything..just now get IAP grade for term 2..did real bad for IAP last term..we only gt D-..just pass..haiz..dunno how..dunno if we can pass IAP not..must work hard for IAP this sem..if not the grades sure poor like hell..haiz..disappointed..nv expected such a poor grade..even worst than the rest of my results..must jiayou le..my IAP group mates let's work hard together..k?haha..

Ytd after work, told erica that i find it very difficult to continue working..she thought that i am being too sensitive over some matters..hmmm..but i am not..i thought for a long time..then came to a conclusion like this..hmmm..dunno if i am being to harsh to her..she helped me so much n now i am deciding to leave her alone..dun really want this to be the outcome..but i am really tired..dun wanna let anyone harm me anymore..n furthermore..maybe i leave le will be better for erica..at least i won;t get her into trouble..ytd talked to her abt this for some time..then nv come to any conclusion yet..still considering..work with her for so long le..i know that she need ppl at this period of time..i should be staying with to help her for the last time..but...still thinking through..cos i dun really wanna work in a company that doesn't trust their staff at all..hmmm..at least basic trust should be there..dun u all think so..if no how to work..do everything also need explanation..haiz..sick n tired of all this..really..hmmm...dun wanna continue saying liao..need a break first..will reconsider..(",)

Let's talk abt something happy now..hmmm..ytd was the happiest day of this week for me..cos when to meet shaun after work..as usual..i was late..so he gt to wait for me..haha..so sorry leh..then we went to MS to eat..go eat billybombers..hmmm..not nice at all..in the end i only finished half..cos no appetitte..then the food not that nice..shaun paid for the food..haha..so nt bad lah..thanks alot ah..haha..then went to shop shop..bought a shirt..actually not planning to buy anything de..but went to try some clothes while waiting for shaun to try his..haha..so in the end he bought a pair of jeans n i bought a shirt..haha..hope i look nice in that shirt..haha..then go walk walk..then go JE after that..sat at mac talked for awhile..haha..at least i am not thinking if the unhappy things at that moment..can relax abit..haha..

k la..think i gtg le..cos lessons gonna end le..haha..logging off the com le...haha..k la..see ya guys..=)

Give me sometime to consider..k?

FUCK..IT'S NOT OVER YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

Thought that matter at work already over le..but it's nt over at all..just gt the news that they r stilll investigating on me..hmmm..work so long..work so hard..work so much..wat do i get???just troubles..n troubles..n troubles..nv trust staff at all..from the start to now..no trust at all..hmmm..poor management..the bad guy always gain the trust..why is it like that???i dun understand..can't be bothered le..this matter already bugged me for like more than a week..still not settled yet...just come n get me if u want!!!!just sack me if u dun trust me..stop those investigation..cos i dun u simply dun trust me at all..no matter wat i do..how well i do, i will still be suspected..why not just make everyone's life easier..just sack me..mayeb that is the end motive..no point investigating anymore..as watever i say u dun trust..u only trust that FUCKING HELL's WORDS..DO U THINK SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT..U R JUST BLIND..Even a murder deserves a chance to speak up..n fight for their own rights..but i am not given that chance..cos no matter wat i say..u won't believe me..just sentence me to death..that's it..now i know ur management style..it just sucks..no wonder..ppl come n go so often..

Hmmm..as for that FUCKING HELL...hope that she will be punished..she is so damn cunning..cannot imagine ppl so old like her still wanna harm ppl..still wanna do harm to me...i am just a part timer..i just wanna work to earn more to pay for my daily expenses..to lighten my mum's burden..y is she doing that to me????HARM ME LIKE FUCK..just go to hell lah..cannot take it le..just wanna scold out..jealous of me?????so old le still wanna do something so bad..really hope that she will be punished..wanna come back to work..wanna get rid of me???just tell me..i will go on my own..dun hv to harm me..cos i work just to earn some money..n nothing else..I'm tired..really tired..no one will understand how i feel..it really SUCKS to feel this way..so helpless n hopeless..

I'm not going to give in..i will fight to the end..even if i am at the losing end, i will also not give in..

Seen another side of ppl in life..

2006-09-23T09:15:00.000+08:00

It's finally the end of school holiday..it's the end to my sufferings..now just need to concentrate on studies..hee..not thinking of anything else..during this period of holiday, so many things happened at work..hmmm..then saw another evil side of ppl in life..that is really scary..luckily everything is fine now..after so many that have happened, i have learnt my lesson..i will not trust ppl so easily..will just keep everything to myself next time..just in case later get into trouble again..worst is later get someone else into trouble also..hmmm..still dun understand why that person want to do that to me..but...since that matter rest le..i won;t wanna bother abt it anymore..just let it be..will just be smarter next time..nv trust ppl ard u so easily..one word from them n they can kill u..still have not decided if i will continue to work there..maybe not..must see how..i promised irene that i will help her if i can..so must consider properly first..if not later she scare no one help her then she also resign..hmmm..maybe will wait till she more stable le then i will leave..will listen to wat Erica tell me ytd..n i will remember it..won't let myself forget wat she say..cos if forget later get her into trouble again..hmmm..must remind myself..think now i will just think of school...cos last sem le..hope to do well..must do well for IAP..=) Hey my IAP group..must jiayou wor..we must score well..k?=)

WHY??WHY??WHY??

2006-09-20T22:23:00.000+08:00

Why do that to me???I nv do anything to harm u..why???i really dun understand..wat is ur motive???i am really tired..i have really reached my limit..can't u just spare me?? If this goes on, i am going to die..i really can't take it anymore..is so unfair to me..why always backstab me..one left n now the other came..since u leaving then u should just leave n not create anymore troubles..why still wanna come n harm me..i did nothing to u..but u harm me..i really dun understand wat have i done wrong??Why is the outside world so cruel???Is the working world really so scary n cruel???i going to break down le..really feel like dying..then maybe they will be happy..i am feeling very terrible inside me..gt no one i can talk to..gt no one to help me..i really dunno how..When will they stop torturing me??

Just kill me if u want me dead..dun torture me this way..i really can't take it le..

SICK AGAIN...

2006-09-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

Haiz..fall sick again..nothing new..gt sorethroat..now throat feel very irritating..then wanna cough but cannot cough out..flu..gt block nose..sianz..all come together..think cos i not enough rest..had been working without any rest since the school holiday start..then now finally cannot take it le..had rest on fri..but too late le..already fall sick by then..one more week going to start school le..hope will recover soon..cos dun wanna take so many mc for the coming sem le..wanna do well for the last sem..cos really no chance liao..now still cannot sleep..cos must wait till 1am then can take medicine..sad..tmr still work 7.45am..sure will be very tired..

ytd night, Jermaine, our senior from SP DAC de called me..haha..suddenly..was shock..n surprrisely, we talked for like half to one hour..haha..were talking abt her working life after graduating n she told me to enjoy this last five months in SP..cos come out to work will be a different world le..hmmm..i also agree with her..cos alot of ppl tell me that too..think they r right..cos they experience it before le..so must listen..hmmm..then talk abt wat i wanna do after graduating..i also dunno..my results so poor..dunno will have any company want me nt..can only hope for the best..now find job nt easy..results not good even more difficult..so dunno how am i going to survive..hope i can survive..haha..cos wanna further studies also no money..wanna work scare no company want me due to results..haha..kept thinking n thinking..need to go get opinion from more ppl..then can decide..haha..

Recently, felt so bored after work..cos after work, dunno go where..as usual, no one to go out with me..all seems so busy..n i dun really have alot of friends..think that is sad..i only got a few friends..then only like two ppl usually go out with me..the rest just contact through phone..hmmm..the two ppl o referring to are shaun and wanying loh..haha..i usually only go out with the two of them..then think recently both of them like very busy..so nv really meet up..very long time nv go out with shaun alone le..like gt one month??think ard there ba..he having attachment so lesser time to go out le..wanna go out..but scare later he wanna go back home to rest cos tired after attachment..so nv go out loh..then wanying is i nv ask her..cos think she also busy with her things..if she free, she will msg me de..haha..but wanying still ok..cos just met her on fri..haha..wanna go kbox..so long nv go kbox with shaun le..the last time was with his classmate,jasmine n him..haha..dunno when can go kbox with him..haha..going to start school liao..so will have less time to enjoy le..sad..that day fri off also like damn sad..no friends go out with me..in the end rot at home in the afternoon till 5plus..then went to meet wanying..then go westmall walk walk n talk talk..haha..that's how i spent my day rest..haiz..slacking..haha..cos all not free to entertain me in the day time..haha..

Think i will stop here..cos abit tired liao..going to do my things le..haha..

I am feeling so lonely.....

Congrats to myself..I passed all my modules..=p

2006-09-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

Finally gt our results on wed..was so anxious on that day..so scare that i will nt clear..was working that day..so cannot check my results myself..need to ask wanying help me check..haha..really must thanks her..if not i will have to wait till night time then can check..not really happy with my results..cos really damn pathetic..haiz..so sad..my GPA damn low..all of my friends gt much higher than me..still gt friends get 3.8, 3.4..haha..they so pro loh..not like me..but at least i should be happy that i passed all my modules and i am no longer a forward module student le..i am back as a normal student le..=p

Today on my way to school, i saw Jian Wei..hahaha..he now so tall le..we both almost cannot recognise each other..then went to sch together..so qiao sia..haha..hmmm..i should say he is a good guy..holiday still go back to school to do project..so hardworking..really nice to see him again..then after go school, went to harbour front with yuling, chuan n mike for lunch..had subway for lunch..haha..so shiok..haha..so nice..n nt that exp..haha..then after that go walk walk n slack around..so long nv go walk walk le..cos everyday work..today no work..cos they say i look very tired..n i am sick..gt flu for the past few days..so finally had my off day today..haha..so tired..need a good rest..actually should have gone home after going back to school..cos i not feeling well.but thought that so long nv go out together..so went out with them for awhile..then came back kept sneezing liao..think i should go sleep for awhile then i will feel better ba..haha..

one more week n school will start..nv had a good rest for the holiday..then going back to study le..then IAP come liao..i really hate it..haiz..dunno how to say lah..just dun like IAP..for some reasons..hope the coming sem will end soon..then we will be able to graduate le..then will need to go out to work le..think i will earn money first..then save up le then go study..but still need to consider first..still gt few months..so dun worry..haha..

think i gtg le..cos my nose cannot take it le..haha..keep sneezing..going to sleep..haha..=p

Really hope next week will nt end that fast..haha..(",)

Three more days to RESULTS!!!!!

2006-09-10T22:11:00.000+08:00

Just realised that it's 3 more days to results..sad..die le..cos sure din do well..dun even know if i can pass..dunno how..so worry..sianz..every sem must like that..haha..stupid de..All i want now is for a pass..cos i dun wanna waste half yr..3 more days will know if i will graduate in feb or aug..so everyone pray hard for me..k?haha..n also wish me good luck..haha..

Ytd, nv work..finally gt one day nv work..but....gt band..gt performance at botanic garden ytd..quite enjoy the performance ba..but...dun really like the arrangement ytd..as in the ppl helping to carry instruments..all so old n slow..dunno like wat sia..then gt one old uncle know i need help,then he nv even offer to help..he just walk away..WTF..the thing so heavy..no one helped..all just stand there look and say..only after that gt another old uncle come help..haiz..dunno y go change ppl..change all to those old ppl..even the drive bus de also old one..dunno he knows how to drive not..go one big round then reach botanic garden..dunno wat to say..haiz..if ask all this old ppl, then as well dun ask ppl to help..not i bad..is i can't stand it..then still gt ppl attitude..haiz..though not the first time..but still..haiz..pissed off..dun wanna say so much..cos still part of the band..then say too much later ppl not happy..should just stop here..

Then at botanic garden, i saw fuhua de Mr Lee..the teach history de..he alone sitting there watching us during our sound check..like very ke lian..haiz..then actually during the break wanted to go look for him..but too late le..he walk away liao..saw him walk away alone..so sad like that..the further he walk, the more i feel so sad..dunno y..maybe cos he walk alone like so lonely..hope he didn't went there alone..maybe he went there with his family ba..

Tmr starting work again..sianz..so tired..no rest at all..i mean..no proper rest at all..haha..so tired..somemore the whole week i will start work at 7.45am..hell..dunno how i am going to survive through..i am really tired..nv rest enough at all..then will have to work till 6pm..so poor thing..haiz..plus this thurs gt store visit..more sianz..thought i can get away from it..but who knows..haiz..pc not enough ppl..so need irene to go over..then i will have to stay at ACS..it's all fated..just can't escape from it..that day sure will be our worst day..cos the store like shit sia..nv clear..then work with two ppl who always like not sure but wanna act clever..dunno wat to say sia..as a part timer, i shouldn't say so much..if not later kanna scolding again..=x

think i will stop here..i tired liao..wanna go sleep liao..haha..see you guys soon..Good Luck to everyone for the exam results!!!Hope we all can pass all the modules..haha..=)Nitez everyone..

3 more days to results..getting more n more scare...hoping for the best..(",)

Fianlly this week is ending liao..

2006-09-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

So happy..finally this week is coming to an end soon..haha..cos this is really exhausting week..must wake up so early for so many days..then work till so late everyday..haha..really cannot take it..lucky later not work at 7am..is work at 8.30am..haha..if not sure tired till die..haha..got work also die..no work also die..haha..dunno how sia..if no work got money is the best ba..haha..think everyone will wish for this to happen..haha..but dun think it will happen to me..haha..

Tmr going back to ACS to work le..going back to check variance..hope can have good news..if not..dunno how..must find as much as possible to lower the variance..haha..if not like very sad..this week many things happened at work..haha..like gt rumours saying that i resign le..haha..but i didn't even know that i resign..dunno who is that idiot saying rubbish..haha..if i know who is it, then that person die..haha..how can anyhow spread this kind of rumour..haha..if go to boss how?wat they will think?so stupid..this kind of things also can spread rumour..hate it man..then monday ppl put words into my mouth again..say i volunteer to go NYGH to help on tues..but the thing is i nv even say anything abt going NYGH on tues..i dun even know where i suppose to go for tues on monday..haha..was so shock..then kanna erica say i tell ppl i going to NYGH to help then later tell her i not going..i really nv say loh..if i got say anything, i will admit..if i do wrong, i will admit..i won;t say i nv do it and push to ppl de..i am not that kind of ppl..dunno way some ppl at work just like to put words into my mouth and harm me..i am tired with all this..dunno when the hell all this ppl gonna stop their stupid and childish things n rumours..sucks man..just too tired to bother abt them..haha..always creating troubles only..haha..all the ppl all so bo liao..haha..should just shut up and do their part well can le..dun talk so much..haha..

Then next week wed getting results le..so anxious..so scare..scare that i will do badly..really hope that i can pass all..that is all i hope for now..but i think is difficult..still need to pray hard..if i fail again, i will be damn sad..really..cos this time round, i really put in all i can to do well..i really done my best..i will be very disappointed if i dun do well..i am serious..hope i won't be disappointed..all i hope for is a pass..dunno if can not..whenever i free, i will think of it..dunno y..so i rather i am busy..like at night when i free, then i will think of alot of things..haiz..

N also i still gt some things bothering me..haiz..dunno how to say..all i can say is really i miss the days..the past and that someone..really hope that nothing had changed..but..it's impossible..all change le..i think i am beginning to lose it..really..the feelings are no longer that strong le..wat should i do????give up or hang on???wat will happen if i give up and wat will happen if i hang on???i also dunno..i am so puzzled n troubled..can anyine tell me how???

I think i am really losing it....but i still miss the past alot.....='(

EXHAUSTED..

2006-09-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

I'm so exhausted..haha..just work n work n work..reached home then fell asleep le..then wake up very early go work le..haiz..been like that ever since school holiday starts..so tiring..cos need to prepare for stocktake..coming week still got a few more stores to go..haha..but heng..i only know my schedule for mon n tues..haha..

Today is ACS de stocktake..thought will be very bad..but turn out to be ok..i done my best le..i already did all that i can..but still make a few mistake..then think they not happy ba..but i really did my best le..haiz..everyone is tired..so am i..imagine the whole store gt no one very experience to come help us when pre-count..we had to do all the things ourselves..cos erica they all gt stocktake at NBP..haiz..then erica only came down at 5.30pm..she helped to adjust n try to see wat is not right...then maybe all tired..then nv really notice the mistakes..untill today..haiz..the worst thing is that everyone who helped for the pre-count like all new de..everything dunno..keep asking n asking..then must tell them wat to do..haiz..tiring..today stocktake so long then end..end at 6pm..cos is new system..haiz..still think old system better..haha..Can only say sorry for all the mistakes i had done..i already did my best..=(

Hmmm..tmr gt work also..haha..hope can relax abit tmr..going back to sleep asap after band..if not the coming week will be hell man..cos will be very tiring also..haha..then 2 more weeks know results le..so scare..but this few days nv really think of results..cos no time..talked to a few ppl abt wat i should do after poly..but still cannot decide..

Wed i went back to fuhua to look for Ms Teo..then saw the other teachers..talked to them for awhile..then all asked abt where i wanna go after i graduate..all assume that my results are good enough to go Local University..But..feel so sorry...cos think i will disappoint them..cos my results not really that good..plus i dun have the money to study..then talked to Ms Teo abt it..she say can try ACCA..hmmm..thinking abt that..then just now talked to Erica..she say ACCA may not be the good choice..haiz..dunno how should i decide..i know i need to further my studies..but dunno at where..Ms Teo ask me to try NTU n SMU first..if cannot then try ACCA..maybe i will go with her suggestion..Ms Hoe suggested that i go work for two yrs then go study Uni..but scare later i dun wanna study anymore..then sure die de..so dunno how..getting nearer..need to consider carefully..All three of them suggested different routes i can go..but they gt say one thing in common..n that is.."This is your only chance to get to Uni and get a degree,dun miss this chance..must try no matter wat..not everyone gt the chance to go uni de.."Hmmm..i agree with them..but my results..haiz..really regretted..sad..should really sit down and think carefully..decide wat i want for my future..hmmm..hope i will get to a decision soon..haha..though is still quite long, i still think that i should plan ahead first..haha..

Thurs also went back to fuhua to see teachers..haha..chatted with them too..haha..miss the days in sec school..haha..hmmm..k la..i gtg le..going to sleep..really dozing off le..haha..see you guys soon..haha..=)

The Future is in our hands..we decide our own future..must think carefully..n also be true to urself..know wat is best for u..(",)

Missing the past..the days..the everything..n also U..

2006-08-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

So bored..exam finish then nothing to do..haha..too tired to play game also..haha..later got work n band..still dun wanna sleep yet..haha..so came in update blog..haha..i really missed the past..the days..the everything and also someone..haha..but wat can i do???nothing..wat is over is over..only left with memories..happy n sad memories..haha..recently kept thinking of someone i should not be thinking of..dunno wat is wrong with me..must really stop myself from doing that..cos i dun wanna hurt anyone and myself..haiz..shall not continue talking abt this..

Let's talk abt something else..haha..coming friday will be teachers' day le..anyone going back to school to look for their teachers??haha..i think i will be going back ba..probably i will go back on wed..cos wed i off..hmmm..dunno if suxian really going on wed..need to confirm with her..if not...later...dun say le..haha..specially requested an off day from work on wed..cos suxian said that she wants to go back on wed..cos she wants to go back earlier..dun wanna go back on thurs..hope she really will be going back on wed ba..if not wasted one day of work..cos will be a busy week for this two weeks..got stocktake..haha..then off one day means that will have more things to do when go back..haha..hope that i won't be disappointed again ba..hahaha..

hmmm..tmr gt band..dun feel anything leh..haha..last time will look forward..now like dun look forward that much le..i know the reason why..but not going to say here..haha..then MAPC so long nv meet up le..haha..since the day of the concert at SCH..think got more than one month le ba..haiz..miss u guys so much..hope we will meet up soon..=) Usually every sat gt practice..but now dun have..so like abit weird..like very free..nothing to do on sat..dunno wat to do and where to go..haha..feel like something is missing like that..haha..just hope we can meet up soon to play and enjoy the company of each other..haha..

My eyes wanna close le..i going to sleep le..haha..cos gt work later..need to rest le..come in again another time ba..haha..when i get to use the com..haha..=x

17 days to results..i am so scared..haha..

Freedom????

2006-08-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

EXAMS OVER LE!!!!! CONGRATS!!! CAN ENJOY LE..haha..but does that means freedom??i also not sure..haha..wanna enjoy but no one to enjoy with me..cos as usual, all my friends busy with their own things..no time..not free..haha..wanna go sentosa beach to play water like that time..haha..but...haiz..Although exams over le, still will think of my results..dunno if i can pass all my modules..hope i can..if not later ppl will look down on me again..tried my best for this sem le..can just hope for the best..haha..

Holidays also will be sianz..cos like nv do anything..maybe work ba..also not sure..haiz..wanna sleep as much as i can..rest as much as i can for this holiday..cos i very tired..haha..today's paper dunno how..only managed to answer some qns..cos the rest all forget le..look at the paper then cannot recall le..I SO USELESS SIA!!! Sad...

Just now went to Guiyu's house for gathering..then eat steamboat and watch harry potter and play mahjong for awhile..haha..then went back at ard 8.30pm..haha..but 11plus then reach home..cos went somewhere else first..haha..so tired now..eyes cannot open..haha..cos last night studied till 5am for CLAW..then only sleep for 2 hours..so now i very tired..hmmm..think i dun continue le..cos i very tired..then later crap alot..haha..go sleep le..haha..

Was looking at all the photos in my com..then all the memories came back..how i wish i can go back to the past..if i can go back to the past, will i make the same decision again???

Hope friday will come faster..haha..

2006-08-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

Finally, the 2 weeks exam period going to end le..haha..friday will be the day to enjoy liao..haha..so happy..feeling so tired now..like kanna flu le..stay at home still ok..but when out of home then keep sneezing le..just now morning do MA1 paper that time, keep on sneezing..then run out of tissue..then hope that paper faster end..still quite happy with MA1 paper..think can do well ba..haha..except that i nv do qns 2..cos i nv study that topic..but heng nv do..if not cannot finish then die le..haha..headache now..wanna go sleep but cannot..cos need to go stucy for CLAW..if not later not enough time study finish..cannot fail for CLAW..Cos i did badly for CA2..so must do well for the exam..then can go relax after that paper on fri..haha..must jiayou le..haha..last paper..can't wait liao..

Abt the sentosa thing, already settled..called them le..so no need to bother liao..too far for me..if not can try..haha..then this sunday got band le..hope can make it on time for the band on sunday cos gt work..haha..hmmm..friday after exam like very busy..cos dunno wanna meet up with wanying to sing kbox or meet up with yuling they all for steamboat at Guiyu's house..haha..friday maybe going to airport send wanying's parents..cos they going to Australia for a 5 days..hope they will enjoy themselves there..haha..planning to go for holiday..but no money..n dunno wanna go where for holiday..stick to the plan to go genting?haha..i also dunno..haha..

Think i stop here..cos need to get back to study CLAW le..was taking a break just now..haha..time to get back to work le..jiayou wor everyone..endure for 2 more days and we will be free..=)

Finally 4 papers gone..haha..only 1 more to go..so scare..cos is CLAW..haha..

How???????

2006-08-19T10:36:00.000+08:00

Dunno how???Ytd discussed with mum abt the sentosa de liao..then concluded that abit not worth going there to work..cos pay abit low and abit far..then this morning that person from sentosa called me le..i so shock..so fast..dunno how..i dun want that job le..but i dunno how to tell her..then she asked me to go for training next sunday..can anyone tell me wat to do now..send her email tell her that i will give this job a miss or call her to let her know??? Anyone can help me??haha..sad..when want to work dun have any place to work..when dun want to work, all want me to work..sianz..always like that..must think of how to let that person know i dun want that job le..haiz..shouldn't go for the interview ytd..

Why is everything like that..when i am prepared to let go of them, then they will come and find me again..haiz..Why??Why??Why??Why??

This time die le..

2006-08-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

Today's paper think i die le..very sad..now think abt it wanna cry sia..nv finish the paper cos no time..then then all cannot balance..hope i can pass this time round..i dun wanna remain as forward module..i dun wanna stay for half more year..i tried my best..i studied hard for this paper..but the outcome still like that..i am so sad..how????If fail, dunno how to answer to my family and those who r very concern abt my studies..really hope that i can make it through this time round..3rd yr le..stay half more yr for that only module no use sia..hmmm..dunno how..worried..so worried, sad and disappointed..

Just now went out with shaun after so long..haha..really very long time nv meet..then go catch bear..caught a tortise..haha..i play first time then caught it le..so lucky..hope my exams also will so heng..haha..then now that tortise with shaun..haha..let him take back..went for dinner at causeway..then walk walk awhile then go home le..haha..cos tired..

Just now after the exam, went to interview for the sentosa job..still not bad ba..but dunno they will hire me..cos the last qns they ask me is if they give me that job, then will i quit popular job..i say must see how..so dunno if they will consider..haha..dunno why i will answer that way..haha..the pay only $5.40..gt cheated..haha..thought higher..the pay like that only like no point change job..dunno lah..wait till they call me then decide..

I am so tired..later still need to study..backache sia..haha..hope exams faster end..n hope i can pass all modules..Good Luck to all my friends who r having exams next week..jiayou wor..haha..=)

Can only pray hard that i won't fail AFA.. I already tried my best!! ='(

So fast..2 papers over le..3 more to go..

2006-08-16T17:29:00.000+08:00

Finished 2 papers le..still got 3 more to go..1 on fri, 1 on next wed and last 1 on next fri..hope can do well..abit disappointed with ytd's paper..CF paper..cos calculated wrongly..should be 0.8..but dunno why i go use 0.08 to calculate..so wasted sia..think will minus alot of marks..cos that ans for the qns is link to the other parts..so i think all the parts all wrong le..sad..always so careless..the other time so careless then kanna scolded by someone..then now careless again..sianz..later kanna scolded again..sad..tax paper on monday still not bad..think should be ok..haha..

Then this fri de AFA paper, haven't start yet..so later going to jiayou le..AFA paper not easy to pass..so must work harder..if not later fail..Fri after AFA i going to sentosa for job interview..dunno if i want that job..just go look n see how first..if i dun like then dun want ba..shuyun will be going with me too..haha..before that person call me for interview, i like very interested in that job..but after she called me, i gt abit dun wanna go le..but mama still ask me to go try out first..haha..so just go loh..

k la..dun wanna talk le..cos meeting wy to study..going to be late liao..die le..always like that..sianz..haha..k la..go off le..=)

All the best to u n me!!! I'm beginning to let go........

Losing my job...

2006-08-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

Just now went online to apply for two jobs in sentosa de..hope can get one of them..haha..cos think i losing my job le..so must plan for myself first..haha..really hope that they will call me..then can go work at sentosa..it will be fun..haha..heard from my friend that working there is fun..so wanna go try out..maybe it's time i leave popular le ba..haha..cos not needed anymore..erica just now ask me when is my holidays.. then told her that is 26 august, she say too late le..so she asked me to call her after exams then see if she gt place to plan me in to work..so i told her, if dun hv nvm..i ownself go find a new job..cos i think no point wat..wait till after exams then later she say she gt enough ppl..dun need ppl to help le.. then i will rot for the whole holiday..wasted..so i went to apply for the job at sentosa..the pay there is higher too..haha..i think this is the best way..haha..

hmmm..but for now, think dun wanna think abt work..cos now more important is to study well for exams..haha..if not later regret..haha..didn't really studied alot for the past few days..just studied abit..haha..dunno how sia..later exam that time all dunno how to do..haha..but i will jiayou de..haha..cos i really wanna do well for this sem..then after that go have fun after exams..haha..

Guess everyone all busy studying now ba..only i down here blogging..haha..cos i need a break..haha..hmmm..everyone must jiayou together..k?cos last yr le..haha..last chance le..so dun play liao..must study hard hard le..haha..k la..i dun crap liao..cos i also going to study le..if not later is i suffer..haha..=)

STUDY, STUDY, STUDY, STUDY..(",)

Handed up IAP le..haha..so happy!!!

2006-08-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

Today finally finished IAP term 2 assignment le..haha..took so long to do them..then still handed up late..dunno will minus marks not..hope won't minus too much..hmmm..got a feeling that i will not do well for the peer evaluation part..cos..haiz..nvm..haha..today's audit test, so wasted..i cannot finiah them on time..then lose 5 marks straight..sad..that will be 20marks..haiz..can just pray to do well for the rest of the modules ba..today also took back CLAW test..I FAILED that test..sad n disappointed..but..now regret no use liao..cos wat done cannot be undone..just do better for the exam..cos all the exams 50%..haha..so must jiayou..this week must work hard liao..

Then just now after sch, went to pray my ah gong with my mama..cos today is his death anniversary..then went to toa payoh with mama after that..go there walk walk awhile..then went home to have dinner downstairs with my sister..then i suggested to go rent VCD to watch..haha..we rented 'I NOT STUPID 2'..just watched finished..haha..so nice and touching..mama, bro, sis and me watch together..like that kind of feeling..haha..after dinner, wanying called me to go play mahjong..but cos mama today work half day then i say i cannot..cos wanna keep mama company..haha..so sorry to wanying..we play next time when we free..k?haha..=x

Ytd got performance at jurong west there..the place where i used to stay in few yrs ago..missed that area alot..reached there early..so went to walk around the neighbourhood first..how i wish i still stay there...i love that house alot..haha..but too bad..not up to me to choose..the performance was still ok ba..saw campus superstar there..cos they also performing..haha..but i nv take pic with them..after the performance, actually wanted to wait for lorry then bring instruments back first..but lorry 11pm then come..too late for me le..cos today got audit test at 9am..haha..so went back with kwee hong first..haha..took bus to JE mrt station then took mrt home..haha...chatted with him on the train..found that he is also quite a funny boy..haha..was talking abt band..haha..

k la..i tired le..i go sleep liao..cos tmr morning going to JE Library to study in the morning..see u all soon..BYE!!=)

3 more weeks to holidays..looking forward to it..haha..

Finally!!!!

2006-08-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

Finally, IAP gonna end soon for term 2..hope next sem will be better..haha..so stressed up for the few days..then keep having flu..haiz..sianz..like nv recover at all since the other time..hope that after my exams, can have some break..haha..break from school projects..haha..then enjoy abit..

This few days, gt one qns keep popping up in my mind..if i should continue or not???i am lost..i dunno wat i should do..no one can help me..cos only i know myself the best..been thinking of this qns for the past one and a half years..but still no answer..haiz..maybe i should have stopped in the first place then i won't.......but.......haiz...dunno how to explain lah..when will i know my answer???Do i have to wait forever??

Maybe i shouldn't think that much..just be true to myself..haha..follow my heart..do wat i think is best for me..like wat shuyun say..i live my own way..haha..hmmm..i know that my sister very sad..cos her hp cannot use le..cos father nv help her pay bills..then wanted to buy M card for her..but i not enough money..so dunno how..see her so sad i also dun feel good..but...wat should i do???if only i gt enough money..haiz...cynthia..dun be sad,k?i try my best to buy u a M card..k?but no promise..will try my best de..k??

hmmm..today gt sound check for band...reminded me of MAPC's last yr de nationaly day performance..dunno how everyone is doing..hope that everyone is still doing fine..missed everyone so much...hope to see them soon..hmmm.today, overall still ok..but..something happened that i dun really feel that good..='( but..haiz..won't continue..cos everytime when things happened, the more u talk abt it, the more things will happen..haha..tmr working at ACS..quite happy..still like to work at ACS alot..haha..all my memories there..haha..later go sleep and tmr will be a better day ba..that's wat yumin always say..heez..so must look forward for tmr..(",)

monday gt test..but still nv study..tmr still got performance..dunno how sia..haiz..the next week worst..cos gt esplanade beautiful sunday performance..then the next day is taxation exam..dunno why i still play for band on that day..hope i can complete my revision before sunday ba...='(

When will my birthday wish come true???or it will nv come true at all??

DUN LOOK DOWN ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-04T09:52:00.000+08:00

HOW?HOW?HOW? IAP monday need to hand up..still haven't post to ACCPAC...die le..just feel that we are wasting our time..haiz..dunno lah..dun wanna say so much..later like the other time that incident with mike..Feeling so frustrated..not that i can't balance the trial balance..but cos of other things..I need everyone's trust..if all dun trust wat i do, then wat's the point of asking me to do those things, i really know wat i am doing..just hope that ppl dun look down on me cos i am a forward module student..so wat if i am one????i am already trying my best to do all the things well..i became forward module not cos i am stupid..is cos i am lazy..i nv study for that module the other time..but still forward module should be given a chance..right????i dun get y i always get questioned by ppl for wat i do in the project..i think i did my part correctly!!!!i am very sure..cos i asked mrs lee after i finished my part..y can't ppl trust me and continue with their own parts??????I REALLY DUN UNDERSTAND!!!!!! So pissed and frustrated..everyone is human beings..everyone did something wrong before..n so everyone should be given a chance to change..dun u all agree??? dunno how i should continue!!!!i am so stressed..no one understands..ppl just think that i cannot make it..so always pick on me..i really dunno wat ppl wants now..and wat i should do now..think i should just continue with my parts and think avbt the rest after monday..

trying my best to do all the things well..need trust!!! Pls dun look down on me cos i am a forward module!!!! i will prove to u that i can do it!!!!!!

Tired, tired, tired...

2006-08-01T02:44:00.000+08:00

Now is 2.40am and i am still awake doing IAP..haiz..sad..so many things to do for IAP..dunno if can finish on time..then still got alot of things to study also..all haven't study yet..exams two more weeks only..then next monday is audit..hope got time to study..cos this sat gt sound check, then sun gt national day performance..so many things always come at one time..haiz..muz try my best to cope..haha..but very tiring...

hmmm..sunday i went for band..then Mrs Chua said something very good..she said that 'she knows everybody is stressed up and tired with work, school and band..we r all human beings..we only live once..so we must live the best of our one life'..haha..i think this is really true..so must do well for everything no matter how stressed up and tired we are..like that then we will live the best of our one life..hmmm..so everyone jiayou..k?soon will be exam..then will be holidays le..then can enjoy liao(hope that i will enjoy working during holidays) =x ..haha..

Sunday night slept for 12 hours..haha..cos after band i not feeling well..gt migriane..after band, go eat dinner at JE, then took a cab home..cos head very pain..abit giddy also..then in the end, reached home vomitted..haiz..mama say is cos not enough sleep..

ytd (Monday) i gt back my TAX1 CA2 paper..very disappointed with myself..cos alot of careless mistake..so in the end gt 60 marks only..lower than mike..expected a higher marks..but in the end gt 60 only due to carelessness..so sad..must do well for the exams then can..haha..if not i will be very disappointed with myself again..wed then get back AFA1 CA2..hope that i will pass..cos my CA1 fail..got 28 marks out of 100 marks..if CA 2 also fail, then confirm my stay in poly for the forth yr le..so must pray hard..so worried..tmr sch end very early..actually thinking of going to work..but...need to do IAP..so nv go..haiz..hope tmr will do alot for IAP..if not sure pek cek..cos no money..then still nv go work and still nv do alot for IAP..haha..so tmr must jiayou le..(",)

Think i go continue with IAP le..then later morning gt stupid MA1 tutorial..i hate it..i hate that class and the lecturer..lucky tmr last lesson liao..k la..gtg le..bb..=)

Be true to urself..Always do wat u think is best for u..so that u won't regret in future..(",)

Alone at home...

2006-07-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

Very long nv alone at home at night le..haha..today sis went to watch national day preview..then dunno bro go..mama n papa work..so i alone..no where to go..wanying do project, shaun watch concert..haha..so i nv go out loh..actually wanted to go to penny's house today..but too lazy..n dun wanna disturb her..then slack at home..haiz..today reached home around 7pm..i sound so sian right?haha..i am really bored..

On Thursday, i heard something quite shocking..dun really believe it..but somehow..some things not up to us to control..when it's time to let go, everyone will have to let go..haha..felt abit sad..dunno y..actually i think i should be happy..but i abit sad..this is weird..is it cos got feelings le??haha..i also dunno..hmmm..i say so much..but still haven't say wat i heard..haha..think dun say lah..haha..cos dunno how to say..hmmm..just hope that everything will be fine after that..but i doubt so..=x

I have a strong feeling that i will have a tough time after our exams..cos got to go back to work..i dun wanna go back to NYGH to work..cos i really dunno how to communicate with the auntie there..she is so slow, blur and..........haiz..dunno how to describe..work with her will die faster..hope that i will be asked to work at ACS instead..cos i really like to work ACS alot..the environment there is better..go so many schools to work before, still think that ACS is the best..Pei Chun also not bad..just abit far..MGS also ok..just dun like NYGH..haiz..i wanna let erica knows that i dun wanna work at NYGH..but dunno how to tell her..scare later she nag alot..haiz..if i dun tell her that i dun wanna work at NYGH,she will definitely put me at NYGH..haiz..dun understand..payroll under ACS, but worked for NYGH instead..not fair to ACS mah..dunno wat i should do..maybe dun work there will be the best choice le..haha..go find a new job..i just hate the fact that i always have to help that stupid auntie at NYGH..then later kanna her backstab..sucks man..If think that she cannot handle alone, just ask her to resign loh..she is practically useless.. hope that i can find another job by school holidays..then i can stop working there..haha..or maybe i should just tell erica that if she keeps putting me at NYGH, then i will quit..if she says that i can go ahead to quit, then good..haha..no need to work there anymore..then all the best to her also..i had enough during attachment at NYGH..it's a nightmare man..my 'A' almost fly away cos kanna blame on something i nv do at all..sad..ppl believe her and not me..haiz..that's how they treat part timers..so bad..hmmm..dun say about work le..now say abt studies..

Exams coming soon..think abt 16 more days to first paper..must jiayou le..slacked alot for the past week..nv really studied at all for the past week..already behind time for the timetable i planned..so must bucked up le..hope to really do well for this sem..cos going to finish poly le..dun wanna fail and repeat half more yr for one module..waste time..dun wanna to be forward module anymore..haha..hmmm..k la..i think i go study le..if not later sure fail..haha..come in again to blog when free..=)

Did something wrong today..

2006-07-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

Just now quarrelled with my mother..then she cried..i also cried..didn't mean to say those words..but i just couldn't control myself at that point of time..maybe i should just shut up and nothing will happen..maybe i should just keep all my feelings inside and nothing will go wrong..Next time i should just keep everything to myself and let me die off just like that someday when i can't take it anymore..maybe like that will be the best solution for everyone..

feeling so frustrated..suddenly felt that no one cares and bothers abt me..no one actually understands me well..i am feeling so stressed up..cos gt not enough money to pay school exams fees..need to pay by 27/07/06..but no money to pay..dunno how..haiz..sainz..told mother abt it..then she nagged at me..say she already no money then i still wanna take from her..i gt no choice..i also dun wanna take from her if i can..cos is her hard earned money..she thinks that i just wanna take her money for no reasons..haiz..i need to pay exams fees that's y ask from her..if not i won't ask money from her..just see how loh..if really dun have..then dun study amymore loh..that's wat they want mah..study for wat..no one gives me the support..everyone thinks that i won't do well..i am already trying my best to study hard..but no one gives me a chance..y????????

brother asked for $3000 to pay sch fees and they supported him..then when i told them that i wanna continue to study in ACCA then they asked me to work and earn money to pay for my own school fees..why different treatment???we are all their children..can't they be more supportive???in fact even my 'O'levels exam fees also not they pay de..disappointed..i am really tired..after school go down to work..just to earn that $20..then go back still need to revise..haiz..next morning still got school..y am i doing this to myself??? i really envy my friends who dun have to work n gt money..cos their parents will support them..then they will have more time and energy to study..i understand that my parents dun earn alot..but...at least they should try to support us in our studies..my mother thinks that she is the only one tired after a long day..i am also tired..need to study in the morning and work after sch..i am not enjoying myself..i dun wanna work..i dun enjoy working but i have no choice..cos gt no money.. money will not drop from the sky..money will only come when we work hard..If my father were better and will think of the family, we will not be in the situation we are now..is one's life..it's all fated..just hope for the best in future..

late liao..i going to sleep le..cos i tired le..dun wanna say anymore..say le still the same..haiz..

Cannot see my future..dunno wat it will be like when i finished poly next yr..dun dare to imagine..just wanna hope for the best..wanna say sorry to my mother for me making her upset..i didn't mean it..='(

So late le..stilll can't sleep..haiz..

2006-07-22T02:45:00.000+08:00

So late liao..but i still can't get to sleep..haiz..dunno y..too stress???slept too much???hmmm..i also gt no answer to this..haha..just cannot sleep..very awake..so fast..one week going to end soon again..last week so busy..busy with projects, and rehearsals for concert and competition..frankly speaking, i think last week was the week i enjoyed most..cos gt the concert and all the rehearsals..although it is tiring..but is fun..haha..miss percussion practice..haha..now everyday is study for test..cos gt alot of test now..haha..

After studying for test will be prepare for exams le..already wrote a timetable for my revision for exams..haha..hope that i can follow as closely as possible..haha..cos i really must do well this time..must reached the target i set for myself during the beginning of this sem..haha..so far still ok..but only AFA like gt abit of problem..hope overall will not be that bad..must study harder for AFA..cos that is a tough module..must not neglect the rest of the modules also..like TAX1 also must do well..cos if nv pass this sem, will be kicked out of school le..hmmm..now got more time to revise..cos seldom work..n no programs after school..so can go back to revise..haha..gt revise abit for the past few days..but today damn slack..nv do any revision..must buck up tmr le..if not later will drag and soon..alot will be uncovered..haha..

Later in the evening got cousin gathering..haiz,,abit dun feel like going liao..dunno y..haha..maybe is sian..but luckily brother is going..haha..then at least i dun feel so weird..haha..already 19 le..so must like come out interact with them mah..cannot always so anti social..haha..think compared to the past, now i improved alot le..cos at least now, i gt talk to them..haha..

Come to think abt it, i like very long nv go see my ah ma..n also very long nv go out with wanying..haiz..so busy till i so many things nv do for a long time le..haha..nt a good sign..must really find one day next week to do all the things..haha..hmmm..dunno wat to write le..haha..think stop here bah..if not later go on and on..like so fan..haha..k la..stop here le..update my blog soon again..haha..

Are memories for us to save it in our brain till the day we leave this world??

Why is it that happy time always past so fast????

2006-07-17T16:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday is over le..so fast..today monday le..ytd gt concert with my mus' art percussion club..enjoyed myself alot..hmmm..really love to play percussion with everyone in mus' art percussion club!!!!So fun, enjoyable, relaxing, happy..everyone in the group is so fun-loving..learnt alot at MAPC too!!Ytd suppose to go back to cc with them after the concert..but cousin going back to australia liao..so nv join MAPC back to cc to talk and eat..wanna apologise to them..so sorry..maybe i should go back to cc with them..haiz..now feel very bad..hope they not angry with me..hmmm..dunno when will be the next time we will meet up like that again..hope it will be soon..will sure miss MAPC..really felt great in MAPC..=) Hope will organise a chalet during our semester break..then can have fun together again like in netherlands..haha..(",)

Hmmm..ytd also gt perform with the band side..still ok ba..also enjoyed..but with MAPC better..heez..the guest conductor is so cute..haha..wanna thanks everyone who came to support me ytd..thankz alot..really appreciate it..with u all around then our concert can be successful..haha..cos u all also play a part..haha..=)

then ytd also know the results for our NBC..We gt gold..n our position is 3rd..hmmm..think not bad le..congrats to all..actually, i dunno y, ytd when i know the results, i dun feel anything at all..maybe is too tired??i also dunno..haiz..i am a weird person..to me the NBC is for me to gain experience and move to greater heights..haha..get gold very good le..haha..hmmm..thinking of going to take my grade 5 theory for music at the end of this yr..but dunno if i can make it..haiz..so many things on hand le..if i can, i really would wanna go try out..cos i dun wanna give up my passion just like that..i love to play percussion..so must do my best to improve myself further..if i dun go try to take grade 5, then my standard like keep on stay there also no point..haha..must plan my time first then see how..

next will be project le..IAP not done anything yet..dunno how..think of IAP then very sianz liao..haiz..chose the wromg elective..haha..then today go SAS to check for exam schedule..is out liao..less than one month to exams..so stress..hope i dun fail any module this sem..is not next yr must stay for half yr just to repeat that module..no point also..waste time n money..hmmm..then need to pay school fees also..by this month 27th..haiz..so broke..father still nv take money home..then also dun wanna keep asking money from mama..dunno how to pay for that fees lah..

plus brother keep asking me to give him money to pay my hp bills..i now really no money..how to pay him..he took so much money from my parents to pay school fees..then in the end they no money to give me also..then wat he wants me to do..i also wanna pay my bills..but i can't..cos i really no money..i am broke..y no one can understand me???i now also no work..also no money..this month really a tough month for me..haiz..in the end, ytd gave brother my last $25 to let him pay hp bills..cos he keep asking..dun give also cannot..haiz..nvm loh..just dun eat can le..i dun eat won't die de ba..if take money from mama..then she will nag say i keep taking money from her like my father..i am not like my father loh..my father gt work..i no work..i am still studying..i hate to go work after school..cos very tiring..will die de..i really can't take it anymore..so now after school nv go work le..still need to do projects, then study for tests..no time to work..even if work also one day earn $10..no point..so tiring..mama they all dun understand..they just think that i lazy dun go work..if i have the time and energy, i will go work..but i am really tired..tired till i keep on sick..nobody knows..they just think that i am lazy then dun go work..haiz..

k la..think i dun say le..say so much also no use..still broke..haha..no one can help..just have to let nature take its course ba..go revise now le..bye..=(

sometimes really feel like closing my eyes to sleep and nv wake up again..cos i am really tired..='(
Btw, just wanna tell everyone in MAPC that u all are GREAT!!!!Perseverance!!!!Really enjoyed every moment we spent together!!!!

Feeling so relieved..haha..

2006-07-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

Finally handed up my audit project on fri..haha..that is the project i spent the most time doing le..i calculated and found out that i actually used 30hours to complete that project..to me that was alot..haha..Last week was a real busy week for me..gt band rehearsal almost everyday..then after sch, still stay to do projects..then ruch to band after my projects..so tiring...tired till my eyes swollen..at first was my right eye..then now is my left eye..so pain..then so swollen..haiz..later concert dunno how..will sure look bad..haha..dunno should go see doctor not..or wait for one more day..haha..later wake up see how first..haha..

Ytd, gt went to participate in National Band Competition..haha..was the last band..haha..so many ppl watching at VCH..hmmm..was quite nervous on stage..but managed to do well..din really make alot of mistakes..ytd's performance at the VCH was much better compared to those rehearsals i had for the past few days..haha..but our band's performance was not the best out of all our rehearsal..haha..just hope that our band could do well..haha..hope that we can get gold and be the top 3 bands..haha..after competition, went to JE to eat dinner..then after that went to meet my cousin to pass him the tix for my concert later..haha..then talked for awhile..found out that we very long time nv talk to each other le..maybe is everyone too busy..haha..must try to find time out to talk some other time..haha..

Hmmm..later the performance, abit excited..cos playing with percussion club..though this is not the first time, but still nervous and excited..haha..dunno y..hope can do well for the concert..cos gt friends n cousins come support me..so must show them the best performance..haha..hope they will like it..haha..hmmm..like very late le..better go sleep liao...cos eyes very pain..later tmr worst then die le..haha..thanks those who come to support me first..haha..see ya later..=) k la..i go sleep le..tmr must be at cc at 11.30am..haha..Bye..nite n sweet dreamz..

Hope that tmr will not end so soon..really had a great time together..(",)

Projects are killing me!!!!!!

2006-07-11T11:14:00.001+08:00

Haiz..so many projects due this week...IAP trial balance due on thurs, Audit due on friday..IAP like haven't start yet..then Audit also do halfway only..dun think this time round can score well..headache..sianz..no mood...then for IAP, i dun even know wat to do..must go ask around first..this week really a stress week..cos Fri morning still got AFA test...hope can do well for that test..haha..

Then this sat and sun will also be a busy day..cos sat gt national band competition..then sunday got Mus' Art Percussion Club and Band concert at Singapore Conference Hall at 5.30pm..Hope will have more ppl come support us..haha..think is worth going..cos got nice songs..haha..gt guest conductor also..so must come n see..haha..then later still got rehearsal for band..Thurs, Fri also gt rehearsal..so that means will have band on tues, thurs, fri, sat & sun..haiz..sad..so many days..only left with wed free..plus still need to rush for the projects..going crazy liao..so many things to do..so cannot work le..like very long nv work liao..cos not free..n they nv call..so dun go ba..think slowly will become quit le..haha..also good..can concentrate on studies..cos exams coming le..But one thing not good is that i will be damn poor..cos father now nv give me money le..haiz..dun really understand..ppl gt father, i also gt..but why my father like that..no work no money also cannot take from mama..cos she will nag..they bring me to this world but they dun support me..then in the first place dun bring me to the world..isn't it better? Sometimes think le very sad..Then think y ppl dun need to work just study..gt money..then y i need to work to support myself and still must study..I am really tired..Dun think anyone will understand how i feel..i may look ok outside..cos i dun want ppl to worry..but sometimes i feel really bad inside..n no one to share my problems with..cos everyone busy with their own things..wanna talk to mother, she also not free..everyday work till so late..then come back sleep le..one day also nv say 10 sentences to her..pathetic..dunno how to end all this problems..just hope that things will get better one day ba..but i dunno when will be that day..

K la..I dun continue le..cos going to do proijects le..if not sure die faster..bye..will come in again to blog when i free..haha..=x

Feeling so stress....Hope this week ends soon....but not sunday....

Tired..Headache..flu..haiz..sianz..

2006-07-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

Today woke up at 11.30pm..late for tutorial and lecture le..plus still gt flu and headache..so intend not to go school..but scare later attendance not enough..haiz..dunno how..dun wanna go see doctor..cos i broke le..then this month & last month see doctor many times le..so dun wanna go see le..just wanna stay at home to rest..hope my attendance will be enough..haha..

Think later will do some revision at home..then go rest awhile more..tonight got band..must practice hard and study hard..haha..hope tonight's practice will be ok..dunno how to tell u all lah..haiz..so far still only sell 6tix..but all haven't pay me the money..so not considered sold..haiz..sad..no one wanna come support me..

hmmm..dunno y today like feel so sianz..ytd met wanying..cos like gt 2 weeks nv meet le..then went for dinner..went to bet soccer..haha..then actually wanted to buy portugal win..but i draw wrongly..draw till france win..sian half..haha..then go buy portugal win again..haha..waste money..haha..then in the end france really won...haha..shouldn't have went to buy portugal again..haha..in the end no gain and no loss sia..haha..think wanying loss..think she loss $3..haha..haiz..feel so bad..cause her to lose money..haha..

dunno wat to say le..go off first..go buy lunch to eat then later go sleep awhile more..haha..bye..

Will my Birthday Wish come true??????

Had a wonderful weekend!!!!

2006-07-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

The weekends just over..haha..then tmr got two test..sianz..haven't study at all..come in to blog for awhile then go study le..had a wonderful weekend!!!heez..went to sentosa with shaun on sat..went to his house to meet him first..cos need to return him the air pump..but in the end, found out that i lose the needle for the air pump..need to go buy to replace..if not later his papa has to walk to carpark everyday..haha..i so bad sia..anywayz, i went to buy the needle today le..tmr then pass to shaun..hmmm..as i was saying, we went to sentosa on sat..we ate lunch le then go take bus 188 to harbour front..very fast reach harbour front le..think around 30mins reach le..then from there change bus to sentosa..reached sentosa at 1plus..then go to palawan beach to enjoy the sun and the sea..we found a place to put our bag then go into the sea to play le..haha..i dun dare to go too far..cos i dunno how to swim..so useless sia..haha..then in the end shaun went further..i waited somewhere nearer to the beach..haha..enjoy the wave..then splash water at each other..enjoyed myself..then we lie on the beach..forget to bring cloth to put on the beach..haha..then whole body sand sia..haha..then i used the sand to bury shaun..only left his head..took me quite sometime to complete..haha..then took pics of him being bury by the sand..haha..the wind quite strong..then keep blowing the sand on us..haha..then the sand keep going into my eyes and mouth..haha..so funny..hmmm..play till whole body wet..haha..then we took pics together..happy..cos more pics in my folder le..haha..

after playing at the beach, go 7 eleven to buy drink..cos thirsty..forget to bring water also..then after that went to wash up and change..then we go walk walk..haha..walk till the skyride and luge there..then decided to try the skyride..haha..was a great experience..haha..first time take the skyride..then see the island from such a high view..haha..very nice..when reached the highest part, very scare the slippers will drop..haha..so use my toes to secure it..haha..was scary..lucky nv drop..haha..if not no need to wear shoes home liao..haha..took pics up there also..the scenery so nice..so long nv see such a nice scenery and also enjoy so much liao..think since i came back from holland last year..haha..cos so many things to do since then..haha..finally got one day can enjoy..haha..planned to go sentosa every month..cos quite near us..very fast will reach..but only dun like the coming back part..cos need to wait very long for the bus..haha..

after we came down from the skyride, we walk around..then go orchid garden to see, look and take pics..haha..then continue to walk for awhile then went back...cos already 6 plus by then..feeling abit hungry..haha..went to harbour front to walk and eat dinner..felt abit tired by then..after dinner walk for awhile..then go take bus back..haha..on the way back, slept on the bus..haha..cos so sleepy..very fast reached le..then drop at IMM there..went there to see wat to buy for my cousin's birthday..i forgot abt her birthday..so sorry..happy belated birthday to her..hmmm..also forgot someone else's birthday..haiz..every yr remember..but this year forget..dunno y..haha..nvm ba..so long le..haha..after go IMM, then go home le..cos tired..sunday got band..go back sleep early..

sunday late for band again..cos overslept..took a cab down..next week must be early..cos competition and concert coming...enjoyed myself in band ytd (sunday)..played alot of songs...fun..but stress..cos gt lots of practice coming along..hope more ppl can come support me..so far only confirm sold 6 tix..yuling, chuan, mike, brother, xiu xia jie jie n wanying..haha..will ask more ppl to come support the percussion club and band..think the tix $10 is worth it..cos i think we won;t disappoint u all de..haha..=x

then sunday also mama's birthday..went to JE to buy cake for her after band..haha..the cake still not bad..quite nice..then bring mama go downstairs eat..brother n me treat mama..cos this year no money to buy her anything..hope she will stay healthy and cheerful always..hope that mama dun think so much..hmmm..think this month i die le..cos no money..papa nv give me..he say he no money give me..dunno wat to say..haiz..just try my best to survive ba..although i dunno how to..born in this type of environment also no choice..just have to survive as well as possible..

today go school then do project during break..finally finished the flowchart for audit..still got more to go..must jiayou..let's work hard together ba..haha..cos this project is 40%..if fail means die le..so must do well..this week no work..cos need to concentrate on studies..told erica le..good that she understands..studies more important..cos final le..cannot fail anymore..haha..then today went for tax tutorial..i really miss Miss Ang..haha..cos she teach better..that relieve lecturer no use de..teach so slow..till i fell asleep..then still dunno her topics well..stupid..dunno where the school find this lecturer de..haha..she teach can fail sia..haiz..dun care lah..must work hard ourself le..cos Miss Ang will only be back in Sem 2..by then we finish tax le..must jiayou..cos if fail tax again, kanna kicked out from sch le..haha..

k la..think i write alot le..go study now..cos if fail the test tmr then also die le..all my efforts previously will be gone..haha..so cannot..go study le..bye..come in when free again..(",)

Always believe that everything happens for a reason...When there is a will, there is a way...perseverance!!!!

Time really files..so fast 1st week of school end le..

2006-07-01T01:51:00.000+08:00

I so long nv come in to blog..haha..cos school starts le..then nv get the chance to use com..haha..very fast, 1st week of term 2 end le..few more weeks to exam..jiayou everyone..gt projects due in this two weeks..so must work hard le..just finished watching soccer..germany vs argentina..haha..it was a long and tough match..finally, germany won with a penalty shoot out of 4-2..haha..GREAT!! They are in for the semi finals..haha..hope they will get into the finals..haha..jiaoyou!!!haha..

Tmr going to sentosa in the morning with shaun..thinking of going there to try caneoing..but must see how first..haha..hope tmr will be a sunny day..haha..then can have fun for a day..before starting with all the projects again..haiz..tired..haven't being feeling well this few days..wed took an MC..cos like gt a bit fever..hmmm..rested for a day..nv go school..then friday, like gt worst..cos my ear very pain..pain till my mouth also pain..open my mouth also pain..gone case liao..hope will be better soon..think is ear infection...last time sec 4 always kanna..very long nv kanna le..now kanna again..haiz...so xin ku sia..haiz..just hope that i can recover soon..

Hmmm..later going to do audit..cos my group haven't start anything yet..abit worried..40% sia..fail then die le..dunno how..just do our best ba..as long as we hv done our best, we will not regret when we see our results..that's what i always believe..think it's true..so we must do our best for all the things..haha..dun wanna fail any modules anymore..so i must work extra hard le..My Friends!!! Jiayou..k?=)

Hmmm..it's getting late le..think i go eat medicine then go to bed le..if not later will take very long to recover..will come in when i free to blog again..haha..

Must thanks mama for always being there for me..I will love her always..Her birthday coming le..but i like too poor to buy her anything..abit sad..If i can, will buy her something..(",)

Congrats!!!

2006-06-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

haha..finally the match between portugal vs mexico over le..n it's "2-1"..haha..congrats..haha..so nervous sia just now..over le..haha..can go sleep in peace le..k la..gtg le..haha..nitez to all..haha..(",)

Counting down to school reopens...

2006-06-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..still gt a few more days to school reopens..haha..can't wait le..so sian at work..haha..but this week more life..cos after work, at least gt go out..monday went out with mama..cos she work half day..then went to bet on soccer..cos suddenly got the instinct to bet on spain vs tunisia..haha..bought only $10..then in the end won..haha..heng sia..was so worried that spain will lose..cos is my favourite team..but lucky last 20 mins scored three goals..jiayou spain!!!haha..mad le..

then tues went jogging with shaun..haha..ran till wanna die sia..think not even 2.4km..then we both dying le..NAFA Test coming le..still like that..die le..must jiayou more le..then after running, go to the park to play..haha..then we do sit ups..shaun do pull up..haha..he still not bad managed to do 3 for pull up..haha..Hope his NAFA can get silver..then dun have to go NS earlier..haha..if not later i very sian..no one to go out with..haha..=x

Then today met shaun again..we finally go eat sakae sushi..haha..waited for this day for so long..haha..ate till damn full..very happy..the food so nice...haha..next time must go eat again..haha..when got money..then after that go ah ma house..abit pissed off..cos ah ma asked me to bring so many things home..My bag was so heavy le sia..then still bring so many things..hands wanna break le..sad..back ache also..cos of the heavy bag..pathetic..go change coins for tmr's work..total $60 of coins..carry till so tired..haha..then intended to go buy soccer before going home to watch da chang jin..last le..haha..then boght portugal vs mexico..i buy 2-1..total goals 3..now the score is 2-1..hope they dun goal anymore..haha..i so excited till wanna die le..5 mins more only..must pray hard..haha..

Hmmm..think i dun say le..go see the score le..good luck to me n xiao min..haha..=)

Tired of living???

2006-06-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

Dunno y recently like feeling so sad and lonely..this holiday seems so long to me..did nothing for the past few days..just work le then go back home rot..friends all not free to go out with me..hate to stay at home alone..but everybody seems so busy to even bother abt me..so sad n pathetic..haiz..The past few school holidays like always end so fast..then always go out play n hv fun..but this time round nv step out of house to enjoy myself at all..just step out of house to work..

Today went for class BBQ..still ok ba..but tired..quite late then go home..hmmm..think just reached home an hour ago ba..lucky still gt train..cos at pasir ris..kept coughing ever since i came back from the bbq..think is too hot there ba..plus this morning nv bring umbrella to work..then ran in the heavy rain to work..my whole body was wet by the time i reached the sch..then was in the aircon place for four hours..think my flu and cough will get worst soon..really sick of being sick le..kept seeing doctor..then no money le..haiz..this month really damn poor..sob..

Haiz..i like sound so sianz..this few days actually gt quite alot of things happened at home and outside..No one to talk to..No one to tell my problems to..No one bothers..='( maybe cos of that then like so sianz..i am feeling so tired..hope that i can just close my eyes to rest and nv wake up again..maybe that may solve all the problems..cos i want to solve the problems..but can't seems to be able to do it..like so difficult..

Can u tell me what went wrong???? I am so puzzled by all that had happened in the past one month...If only u could understand how i feel n know wat i am thinking...How i wish i can stay in the past...

Another sunday gone..haha..

2006-06-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

Today very early wake up le..cos go eat breakfast with mama..she say i sick..so must go eat breakfast then can go work..so no choice..then go eat..but only eat half bowl of the noodles..cos no appetite..maybe is too early or cos take medicine..i also dunno..then go work..after that..reached ACS still very early..9.15am reached le..sianz..haha..cos tooo early..then stay in store do paperwork loh..if not later bee har come back kill me..haha..today gt so many ppl asking for books that we do not have stocks in the store..then in the end..called so many outlets repeatedly..like so irritating sia..haha..but get to know one more person from orchard popular..haha..still not bad..=x

then after work, rush down to band..was raining heavily...then in the end took a cab from jurong east..cos very late le..told jennifer i will reach at 3pm..but in the end reached at 3.30pm..so treat her to drink..band was still alright today..but played wrongly for some parts..went in too early..played alot of new piece today also..haha..had fun..then after band, went to eat at around 7plus..haha..was so hungry by then..dunno y..haha..then reached home at 9plus..felt so tired..wanna sleep but com was so tempting so sat down to use com..haha..use till now..haha..was chatting with yuling..n crapping with her..haha..funny..haha..

thought of tmr gt work then sianz..cos is work at NYGH..alone somemore..no one to talk to..4 hours sia..can die..face 4 walls..will go on like that for the next 2 weeks..dunno how to survive..wanna take off..go enjoy..but dunno take which day better..haha..k la..dun say le..tired liao..go eat medicine then abt time to sleep liao..of not tmr cannot wake up..then die..haha..nitez..(",)

Must Concentrate..

2006-06-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..still sick..today like worst..cough non-stop..think will see a doctor later before going for MAPC practice..concert coming..still so slack..haiz..then or band, competition coming..but still...haiz..i dunno lah...feel like giving up..regretted..but no choice..wat done cannot be undone..just try my best ba..

Had been thinking for the past few days..haiz..maybe i should just concentrate on studies and nothing else..at least i will see results from my studies if i work hard..n i will not get hurt..hmmm..dun wanna be bothered by that anymore..for now, i think, my studies and health will be more important than anything..so i must jiayou again le..Less than a year to graduate..maybe will lead a better and happier life after that ba..hope so..sometimes, come to think of it, maybe i already very lucky le..got so many ppl around me that cares for me..like my classmates, wanying, my family, cousins, my teachers in sec sch, my friends at work..especially wanying, who will always be there to cheer me up and brighten my day when i am sad..Thankz a million to wanying and all of u who cares for me..dun worry so much for me..k?i will be fine soon..haha..wounds take time to heal..haha..i am healing le..so dun worry..

Hmmm..two more weeks start school again le..so many projects haven't do...so must buck up le..gt audit project 2, gt IAP and gt lots of test coming my way..haha..must work hard and do well..haha..dun disappoint anyone..haha..n most importantly, dun disappoint myself..haha..think must start project next week..but gt work everyday..haiz..so think can only meet up with my groups after work which is around 2pm..haha..so sorry ah..need to work..cos my dad only give me $150 per month from now on..dunno wat's wrong with him..keep cutting my allowance..from $300 to $150..sad..then need to pay my hp bills, my bus concession and my daily expenses..so no choice got to work..if not, sure cannot survive with only that $150..hope u all will understand..need to ask when my group members when they are free to meet up first..haha..anyway i am soooo free now..nothing to do..haha..

maybe later will go sleep for awhile more..cos not feeling well..need to rest well mah..if not later cannot recover fast..haha..haiz..wrote so many craps today..haha..think stop here le..cos dunno wat else to write..going to eat breakfast/lunch le..hungry..haha..

I know wat i should do le..........must always remember to be true to myself............

I'm feeling so hurt..

2006-06-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

I 'm feeling so hurt..no one will understand how i feel now..can only say that i am stupid ba..perhaps u feel that i am very irritating ba..others will be better..sobx..='(

I think it's time i..................................................

Sick, sick and sick

2006-06-07T21:00:00.001+08:00

Haiz..sick for very long le..for one week liao..since last thurs..getting from bad to worst sia..dunno when will recover..sad..miserable..for the past few days din really do alot of things..cos not feeling well..lucky now school term break liao..if not think i will mc all the way le..hmmm..now can relax abit..cos IAP presentation just finished..but think i didn't do well..want to say sorry to my group..haiz..think my peer evaluation ranking also not that good..hope i am not ranked the last..i really tried my best for IAP le..but dun seems to see any good results leh..dunno y..maybe everyone's expectation very high ba..sobx..must try harder next term..

Hope i will get well soon..cos i wanna do alot of things for this term break..hope i can finish doing all the things..then everyday still got work..so sianz..although is from 9am to 1pm..but still very sianz..really gt nothing to do..no customers, no sales, no stocks, no paperwork..just me n another part timer..haha..then today erica called to ask if we got sales..then told her very poor..so she thinking of cutting manpower..but she still haven't say..juz wait n see ba..tmr not working..cos i am feeling so sick..so i told erica..then in the end poor leonard gt to stand i for me..actually, he dun need to work tmr n friday..but i sick..so he will go tmr..haha..thankz alot to leonard..haha..today actually dun wanna go work..cos ytd fever..then ate two panadols at wanying's house..then felt better after that..haha..think i passed my sickness to wanying..she now also cough n flu le..hope she get well soon too..haha..if not i feel so guilty..spread to her..haha..then ytd night went to meet jonathan for dinner..cos he say he eat alone very sianz..then just go accompany him loh..haha..no harm also..just that i abit sick..then after he finished eating, we went home le..haha..cos quite late le by then..haha..need to sleep early..haha..

Today also wanna sleep earlier..cos finally can take off from work..haha..really need a good rest..think overworked myself for the past few weeks..that's why sick so long haven't ok..haha..dunno if tmr wanna go see doctor again not..cos still haven't ok..haha..but dunno go where see..cos the clinic i always go is closed..the doctor went on holiday this friday then come back..haha..dunno can wait till fri..or go bukit timah there see..hmmm..later ask my mama ba..haha..then tmr also need to do elearning..cos friday last day le..haha..later no marks..must jiayou le..haha..hmmm..dunno wat to say le..just feel so bored..something is missing in my life..i know wat is it..but cannot say..haha..k la..i go rest le..bye..come in another day to write..haha..

To give up or not?? Hmmm..This is a very difficult decision to make..i dunno how..So Lonely...=x

Having IAP lessons..

2006-06-01T15:01:00.000+08:00

Haiz..now is IAP lesson but i side track abit..come write blog..must take a break awhile..haha..i am so bored..today only shuyun and me in IAP..cos jonathan n huijiao both sick..then gt mc..i actually also sick..then gt mc..but still came for IAP..so tired after eating the medicine..wanna sleep liao..later gt AFA 1 test..but i not going..cos i am not feeling well..scare later din do well..cos now having headache, sore throat and flu sia..gt back most of my results for CA1 except for company law..i think..hmmm..so far still ok..not disappointed with my results..at least got see something in return..haha..

IAP still got so many things haven't do sia..dunno how..monday presentation must hand in business plan report le..but the business plan report still like cannot make it..haven't even let teacher see...told her that we will show her tmr..cos still need to touch up abit..haiz..think tonight dun nid to rest liao..cos i still need to do the executive summary..hope jonathan faster send me his marketing plan ba..then i can faster finish it...still got the jonarnal entries haven't write..n the powerpoint slides..hell man!!!really regret taking IAP sia..but no choice since i in it le, then must put in my best effort..if not like let myself down..haha..

tmr is the deadline for audit project 1..almost finish le..hope can faster finish..then can relax abit..haha..so stress..hmmm..this few days i everytime after school stay back do project then after that went home straight..nv go out..also nv meet shaun to study..haha..actually say this week wanna meet up to study..but so many projects to do..then not feeling well..so keep staying at home..haiz..dunno tmr shaun free to meet up to study not..haha..tonight then ask ba..

Now feeling so hungry also..dunno y..maybe cos of the medicine ba..haha..everytime like that..haiz..k la..dun write anymore..must go jiayou and do finish business plan le..if not tonight no need to sleep liao..haha..come blog another day..haha..(",)

Finally Friday le..

2006-05-27T01:52:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..waited so long for friday to come..cos friday come then will be weekend le..no school..haha..this weekend no work..only got band..haha..today woke up late..then went to school late..nv go for auditing lecture n Company Law tutorial..was too tired..then cannot wake up..hmmm..then 11plus, bro msg me..say my hp n his hp cannot use..cos he forgot to pay the bill..then ask me go pay..the thing is, i dun have enough money to pay..then go find mama at her work place to take money to pay..paid $286.40..then call to activate back...haiz..then after that rush to AFA1 lecture..in the end late..haha..saw yuling outside..she also late..then went in together..haha..then after that went to work at NYGH..haha..work till 8pm..first time so late..haiz..actually very early can go..but somebody still doing her things..nvm ba..not in a hurry..hmmm..then after work, wanying called me..haha..ask me go play mahjong..i guess correctly..then went to her house at 9.30pm to play..haha..just came back..uncle sent me back de..thanks alot..hmmm..i won $7..for the first time i won..

Read the blog for the past few days..felt so childish..should settle the problem in a more mature way ba..no point continuing like that..maybe should try to clear the misunderstanding or solve the problem..hmmm..see how lah..haiz..dun wanna think abt it..tired..wanna go sleep..haha..blog is like a person's diary..it shows wat that person thinks and wat that person do everyday..hmmm..the only difference is that other ppl can see wat we write in our blog..sometimes is good..n sometimes it's bad ba..haiz..but by letting others view it, it allows others to know wat we r thinking n how we r feeling..is it good or bad??i also dunno..sad..say dun say le..still continue so much..tired le...wanna go sleep liao..cos tmr morning meet wy n her mama..haha..nitez..hope that everything will be fine soon ba..(",)

Can't control my heart...Love is something very difficult to understand..Do u agree???

Sianz.........

2006-05-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

Problems, problems, problems n more problems...how to solve them??? It's getting from bad to worst..no one to talk to n listen to me..sad n depressed..

If only i were gone..then all the problems will go with me,,then the problems will be solved..

OOPS...U R RIGHT!!!! I missed out some points..

2006-05-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

HMMM..just read wat u tag..i get wat u mean by i missed out some points..think the points i should add in is:
1) I am always the one throwing temper at u..
2) U r always the one giving in to me..i am always the unreasonable one..
3) I am the one always doing the wrong thing..u always does the right thing..
4) U r the angel n i am the devil..
5) I am problematic..
6) I am always the one at fault..
7) I hurt u..n u didn't hurt me at all..
8) I am just making up stories..wat i say in the blog is not true..
9) I am not a good friend..

Is that wat i am supposed to add???Maybe that will make u feel better..i wrote the blog ytd not because i wanna let ppl know wat u hv done..n wat kind of person u r..i just wrote how i feel..if u wanna think that i wrote till u sounds like a bastard, then i have got nothing to say..cos i nv thought of that at all..blog is for me to write my feelings..if u want to interpret it that way, then i have nothing to say..Please do not think that u r not a good guy..u r a good guy..n a good friend..just that i dunno how to appreciate it..i mean it..i am just not good enough to be ur friends cos of the points above..

Was so pissed till i cried..

2006-05-24T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today after CF tutorial, went to discuss my project for audit..it all went well at first..but in the end at around 5 plus, quarrel with mike at the dover mrt station..so pissed..at first, he said that we do not need to write down any questions to ask his supervisor..cos he says that jus do a transaction walk through with his supervisor tmr..then after that when everyone abt to go back, he asked:'' then our questions how?'' then shuyun tell him that if he needs the qns, then we go home think n write it out..i also agree..cos tmr got tax CA1..cannot fail..fail again later kanna exoel from school..then we said that we will write it out at home..then he was angry..he walked away very fast..we tried to catch up with him..but he walked faster n faster..i was pissed by the attitude he gave us..not the first time..that's y i so pissed..then i went to chase him..i hold him back..n ask him..wat does he wants..he said..he said nothing..then i ask him y he so angry..he told me he is not..n he added: ''I know u for two years, u r the one who always throw temper at me''. Listen carefully MIKE CHUA!!! If u dun show me that kind of stupid attitude, i won't throw temper at u..everyone has their limit..stop showing me that attitude..N DUN ALWAYS ASSUME THAT I AM THE ONE AT FAULT!! U ALSO HAVE FAULT..NOT EVERYONE IS PERFECT!!!As a guy, u shouldn't be so sensitive n ungentlemen..i used to give in to u..but i won't do it anymore..cos i am really so pissed..i told myself not to control anymore..so many things had happened around me recently..i am also very frustrated..i already tried my best to control myself in front of u..but..i really can't take it anymore..y can't u understand???maybe is i dun understand u as a friend..so think maybe we not suitable to be friends ba..i am not going to talk to mike from now on..unless he really knows how to show respect to his friends..If someone were to walk away just like that cos they r unhappy, how would u all feel???today is the first time i did that..cos i really dun see the point talking to him anymore..i did not do that in the past cos i feel that i should respect my friend..haiz..not really sad..but is disappointed..

Must thanks wanying for listening to me today..if not, i dunno wat i will do next..hmmm..dun talk abt it le..still feeling so pissed..telling myself not to be bothered by this cos i feel that no point..wat a bad day..haiz..wanna go out to relax one day..

Dunno what is wrong with me..

2006-05-24T11:30:00.000+08:00

Haiz..today so fast wed le..like still starting of the week mood..dun feel like doing anything..haiz..had a test on mon..disappointed..cos nv read properly..then answer wrongly..21 marks out of 50 marks gone..sianz..sure cannot make it again..haiz..work hard le..but in the end cos of carelessness then lose all the marks..feel like killing myself..=x Then quarrel with mike on monday..maybe i really not good at keeping secrets ba..or maybe i am not suitable to be his friends..cos i like to joke..cannot take things seriously..then he will always take things so seriously..joke also cannot..y must i always be the one understanding how ppl feel??? Does anyone really understand how i feel at times???feeling so stress and depressed..at least wanying n shaun better..always there to listen to my craps..n can at least understand me better..monday not a good day for me..after i quarrel with mike, then went home..cos so angry..then reached home at 4plus..then stay at home do nothing..cos kept thinking of lots of things that happened recently..haiz..juz cannot understand some things..maybe i will nv understand ba..then got headache again..actually planned to go wy's house to play monpoly..but headache so in the end nv go..then slept quite early..cos got nothing else to do..

Then Tuesday, which is ytd, went to school late..cos so tired..dun wanna wake up..the went for MA1 lab lessons..after that went for cf lecture..then after that went home to change and went to work at JSP..haha..was quite fun working there..cos is peaceful..not like other stores..so many problems..haiz..heng ytd no need go work at NYGH..cos damn pissed off with dorothy..say i got some problems withe the girls cos vivien told her that i also dun really like the girls at NYGH..i dun like cos they very noisy..no other particular reasons..n i dun have problems with the girls..i just work normally there..also nv do anything to the girls..i think my attitude is 100 times better than that dorothy..think she is the one with problems..not me..she is insane..she is a backstabber sia..always act good in front of ppl..then at the back stab ppl..then after that pretend nothing happened again..haiz..vivien kanna stabbed by her..she so poor thing..juz work for less than one month then kanna stab le..the worst thing is that erica still side with dorothy..wat the f***..dun understand y she always side with dorothy..haiz..cannot see who is good n who is bad..haiz..disappointed..dun say abt this le..say le also sianz..anyway i enjoy working at JSP than at NYGH..haha..too bad JSP closing down le..

hmmm..then ytd work till 7pm..then went to meet wanying..cos going to stay at her house..haha..managed to meet each other at 8.45pm..haha,..then eat mos burger..wy pay first..cos i broke..damn broke..left $2..haha..waiting for pay day..then after that went home to get my stuffs..then go back to wy's house..hmmm..feel so bad..cos actually wanna go her house play monopoly with her..but....watch the xiao zhu show got cao ge..then after that i fell asleep..hmmm..then in the end just go her house watch tv n sleep..like so bad..she so eager to play..then i fell asleep..so sorry..i make it up another day..k??haiz..this morning wake feel so guilty..haha..this morning, as usual, gt morning call from MGS..haiz..forever..dunno y i so 'heng'..haha..same problem..printer cannot print..sad..hope the printer will be good..dun always cannot print in the morning..

This morning woke up then wash up at wy's house then told her i go sch..then i ownself go take key n open the door the just go off..dun disturb wy cos she tired..then her lessons at 2pm..so good..can sleep..haha..in the end i also nv go school as i think i will be late..cos i still wanna go home to change..haha..think later then go for CF tutorial at 1pm..haha..hope i can make it..cos now 12pm le..haha..k la..dun say le..going to late liao..haha..go off le..blog again another day..(",)

Hope that there will be someone who can cheer me up n listen to my problems everyday..

Another week is going to end...

2006-05-21T02:19:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..so fast one week going to past soon..the weekends always seems so short..dunno y..maybe is cos weekend is the only time to relax..next week like got so many things to submit n gt two test..haha..haven't touch yet..die le..juz now went for Percussion practice..that is the only time i can relieve my stress..improving every week..so happy..concert coming..so must jiayou le..saying abt that, band competition also coming..stress n more stress..really wished that july will end soon..then i will not be so stress le..cos by then band competition will end le..hmmm..i know that jennifer is unhappy that we always nv turn up for sunday band practice..haiz..hope she will understand..cos got so many projects to do..then somemore need to work..cos need to support myself..trying my best to manage my time..but too many things on hand..

On Friday, some things happened that makes me feel so disappointed..i dunno what went wrong..i couldn't believe myself when i heard abt that thing..hmmm..dun think i will say what happened in detail..cos not the right time to say..told my mama abt it..then she say is common..trying my best not to think so much..n not to be affected by that..just felt so unfair..why is it always the bad guy that win???dun understand..

Haiz..dunno wat to write..cos maybe not in the mood..so many things on my mind..dunno how to write it..haha..Maybe i should go enjoy myself for a few days during holidays..haha..should start to plan now..cos going to holiday le..hmmm..thinking of going to chalet in sentosa..at least can relax abit there..cos gt alot of things to play..haha..but haven't decided yet..haiz..think i shouldn't think so much..cos later think too much then will have migraines again..haha..it's terrible..haha..

Hmmm..really like not in the mood to write..haha..craping around..better not write le..waste time..will come in another to write..haha..going to sleep liao..gt work in the morning..haha..later cannot wake up..k la..good nitez..

Everything happens for a reason..what is not meant to be urs will nv be urs..no matter how hard u try it will also not be urs..can anyone prove to me that these r not true??

Finally finished two projects..

2006-05-19T03:25:00.000+08:00

It's really hell man..Final year really very stress..haiz..so many projects to do..so tired now..so late le still haven't sleep..cos just finished two projects due for today..Company Law was tough..Corporate Finance still ok..haha..finished CF on wed..but today just touched up abit..think later lunch look through again before i submit..hope that the CLAW answers ok..cos is my brother teach me de..have difficulty writing the concepts in paragraphs..too me quite a long time..haha..must really thankz my brother this time..if he nv teach me, think i now still stuck there sia..another night no need to sleep..haha.. Hmmm..still got to do transparency for CLAW..cos i presenting today..Feeling so tired now..cos ytd sleep at 5am..woke up at 7 plus..cos kanna disturbed by penny..sianz..next time muz off phone le..hope can sleep at 4am today..Juz now went to study with shaun at mac..then the eyes want to close..in fact, today during IAP already wanna sleep..cos i very tired..then do claw tutorial till halfway..then stopped and talk..then we read a report on horoscopes..then found that it was quite accurate..haha..today's IAP was like hell also..haiz..dun really wanna say abt it anymore..

Went to wy's house to study on wednesday..then study till 4am like that then came home by cab..then kanna scolded by brother..cos so late then come home..everytime go wy's house study will come home very late or nv come home..but got tell mama le..mama nv tell brother..that's y i kanna scolding..haha..so this few days must guai abit..come home earlier..if not later kanna scolding again..at wy's house, we study halfway then play cards then talk abt alot of things..suddenly felt that i dun want to graduate so soon..cos still dun hv any plans of wat i want to do after poly..dunno wanna start work or continue to study at either SIM or ACCA..sianz..really dunno wat i want..then thought that next year will be very lonely le..cos shaun going NS le..no one to go out with le..only left with wy..time really flies..then we still talked abt wat will happen to us if one day our parents not around le..i think i cannot survive without my mama sia..then also talk abt how we want our life in future to be like..haha..then also plan to go sentosa for holidays during june..haha..so many things to talk..but in the end still managed to finish projects n tutorials..haha..

then quarrel with my younger sis on tuesday..cos of a highlighter..stupid right..then i still hit her..also dunno y..then quarrel till i cry..then cry untill i tired then i fell asleep..cos got work on tuesday..so quite tired..haha..this few days got alot of things on my mind..alot of questions..n no answers to any questions..haiz..maybe everything really happens for a reason..so sometimes also find it hard to explain..just meant to be that way..feeling quite lost.. n recently keep having migraines..seen a doctor but still the same..hopes that i will be fine soon..hmmm..k la..me tired le..going to sleep liao..today is a long day..scare later wake up late..then miss lessons again..not good..haha..come in another day to write..haha..nitez..=p

Felt that something was missing this few days...

2006-05-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..this few days felt abit weird..abit lonely..felt that something was missing..dunno why i felt this way also..haiz..so many projects going to due next fri..but still haven't really touched them..guess need to do it the next few dayz..if not sure die de..luckily tmr is a holiday..haha..can have a break..keep having headache for the past few days..then now sorethroat..i am really a sickyguru!!!haha..hope can recover soon..

Met wanying on monday..then went to study at mac with her till around 7pm..then went to eat delifrance..haha..it took me almost an hour to finish the bread..haha..luckily wanying was patient enough to wait for me to finish..dun think all my friends will be that patient..haha..Thanks alot for being so patient ah..haha..hmmm..then after that saw a cakeshop..then i asked her if she ot intend to buy cake for her mother for mothers' day..then she said yes..so i tell her why dun i share with her...cos her mama is my godmother..haha..so we went to arcade first..then after that went to buy the cake n went to her house to eat the cake n study..as usual, i stayed at her house till very late..then decided not to go back..cos too lazy..haha..then studied at her house till 2 plus..then we played cards till 4plus then sleep..haha..then in the end the next morning wy woke up late for sch..haha..supposed to wake up at 6am..but we woke up at 7am..haha..late by an hour..in the end she like late for lessons..haha..i nv late..cos my lesson is 9 am..bt dun intend to go..cos got a bad headache..so went home to sleep..

i reached home then do abit project then went to sleep..cos cannot take it...then headache is killing me..then woke up at 4pm..then remember that i need to go sch do iap..but too late le..so nv go..then also need to go ACS to pass Bee Har my timecard..so faster woke up n went down to ACS to pass her the cards..then after that went to look for mama..cos i go there to buy dinner..after that, went home n stayed at home the whole night..watched drumline with my sis..haha..

then ytd finished lessons at 2.30pm..actually wanted to ask if shaun wants to go eat sakea sushi..but dunno y nv call..haha..so went to je library with shuyun to study..haha..she go there read comics..then i go there study for today's audit test..haha..then left around 4pm..haha..cos finish studying le..then felt so bored..nothing to do..so went to penny's house..cos she today nv work..then go there talk to her n eat dinner..haha..

As for today,got IAP..then felt that IAP did quite alot..so happy..our KOB almost done..then Proforma income statement also almost done..hope can complete fast..then can start on the operational plan le..haha..3 more weeks going to end the term le..fast right..looking forward to it..cos final yr really stress..got so many things to do..hope this yr will pass soon..haha..hmmm..think dun say le..cos going to do other projects liao..write again another day..haha..

Still felt that something was missing..roughly know wat is that..hmmm..but...haiz..=(